


Done With Love

by illwork4anime



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action & Romance, Drama, F/M, Love Triangles, Mystery, Romance, Slow Romance, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 74,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25001314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illwork4anime/pseuds/illwork4anime
Summary: Sakura is done with love and ready to show she isn't the same lovesick genin. She'll have to prove just how strong she's become when a mistake on a mission gets her assigned remedial training and a Sharingan restoration project. But the more she learns, the more she realizes nothing is what it seems. Details about the massacre aren't adding up, Kakashi and Tsunade are keeping secrets, and someone dangerous is manipulating her from the shadows. She'll have to decide who she can really trust if she wants to rejoin Team 7 and find love again. Multi-Saku: ShikaSaku, KakaSaku, and (eventually) ItaSaku.Originally Posted on FF.net @illwork4anime. Updating both locations.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Nara Shikamaru, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Itachi, Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Nara Shikamaru, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Itachi
Comments: 44
Kudos: 102





	1. Prologue

* * *

**Done with Love - Prologue**

* * *

It was raining the day she stopped loving him. She remembered distinctly because it was so fitting. Konoha was crying for her. Maybe that was selfish to think. Maybe it was really crying for him. For Sasuke. For every Uchiha who fell here.

She wasn't sure why she came, but she found herself in aching silence in front of the faded gates of the Uchiha district. The gates had been blocked off for over a decade now, and the dark blue paint faded to grey and the red and white fan was pealing. Once the symbol of pride among the leaf, now forgotten.

It made her heart hurt to think of all the people that died here, and what Sasuke endured because of what happened behind these gates.

She didn't know if it was formally forbidden to enter, but she didn't much care. Feeling numb, she strode up to the gates and pushed them open. They groaned, almost forgetting how to move. She squeezed through the narrow opening, and quickly closed them again. All sounds of the village were sealed away leaving only an eerie silence. Taking a deep breath, she turned to take in the ruins of the district.

She wondered how many times Sasuke had done this very action. Her heart ached again. It was dark, and musty. The grass was overgrown, creeping through the cobblestone path. She followed what was left of it. The buildings were dirty and broken. She was surprised there was no graffiti defacing them, but supposed the rumors of the tragedy scared people enough to stay out. Well, other than her. In Sakura's mind's eye, she could see the buildings alit with lanterns and hustling with commerce. She could see wives cooking dinner for their families, husbands returning home from work, children doing homework after academy. She could see the precious part of Konoha that had been crushed carelessly.

For once, she felt a fraction of what Sasuke must feel every day. She felt her nose prickle and tears swimming in her vision.

She continued down the market and through the residential district. This place, this was the last remnant of what drove the avenger. For a moment, she could understand him. Her eyes trailed over each house, seeing but unseeing. When she reached the back of the district, a specific house caught her eye. Her feet lead her into the entrance of the modest house. It looked cleaner than the others, barely so. For a moment, she could see Sasuke as a child, run up to the entrance, throw open the door with a shout, "I'm home."

She shuffled through the door and whispered, "I'm home."

The air was thick. It felt like every breath was stolen from the memories of the place. She was reluctant to breathe. Treading down the hall, she found a kitchen with a dining room table crouching in the center. Connected was a small living room with a simple couch nestled between two end tables and an organized bookcase.

She continued down the hall further to what appeared to be the bedrooms. She opened the first. It was sparse, just a bed, a desk, a bookcase with shinobi reading, and a dresser. On the dresser was a small picture frame. Sakura took it in her hands, tracing the edges. It was empty. She returned the frame to its dust ringed home, and ran her hands down the front of the drawers. Tugging on the handle, she jimmied the top drawer open. The smell of dust hit her, wrinkling her nose. High collared black tee shirts lined the bottom. She pulled one out, shaking the stagnancy from the fabric. Embroidered on the back was the Uchiha fan. It reminded her of the outfit Sasuke wore during the chunnin exams. Her heart sank seeing it again as she remembered her latest encounter with Sasuke in Orochimaru's decimated hide out. He was so cold and so strong, like steel. He had changed.

Ignoring the audacity of it, she slipped the shirt over her head, needing to feel close to that old familiar boy from her genin team, as old and forgotten as the garment on her frame. Moving to close the drawer, a folded scrap of paper hidden beneath the shirts caught her eye. She unfolded it and gasped. In childish penmanship, the note read "To the best brother ever" with a doodle of an Uchiha holding a shuriken. The bottom was signed "Sasuke." She was in Itachi's room.

The man threw Sasuke down the path of revenge, who crushed his heart, this was his place. Anger bubbled up in her chest. Sakura seized the remaining shirts and flung them across the room. They hit the wall with an unsatisfying dull thud and slid to the floor. Sheets of white paper peeled away from the fabric and ghosted across the wood floor. Confusion iced her anger for a moment. More notes?

She scooped up the sheet closest to her.

_Borrowed your old kunai set to practice – Sasuke_

It was so mundane. Why keep this? She gathered the rest, reading each scribble, growing more and more confused.

_Mom left dinner for you in the fridge. It's your favorite!_

_Can you please, please teach me that trick from yesterday? I'll do your chores for the week._

_Gonna be back late. Practicing like you said!_

_Happy birthday, older brother. Love you._

Itachi had a stash of Sasuke's notes. A hidden stash. Sasuke's evil older brother kept all these keepsakes. The paper crinkled in her fists. How could something so pure become so tainted? She clutched them to her chest, drawing up an image of Sasuke smiling over the hurried notes, sliding them under his brother's door with love.

_Sakura, you're still annoying._

He had changed so much from that little boy. But his cruel words were always true. She was annoying to him, bothering him only for his good looks and asking him for dates. How trivial and superfluous all that was in hindsight.

_You don't know what true loneliness is._

Even in this place, feeling miles away from the village, she only began to comprehend a fraction of what Sasuke must have felt. Naruto understood him. She was so jealous of that fact. Naruto could connect with Sasuke so easily. Even though they fought constantly, they understood each other like no one else could.

In truth, she didn't even know him really. She realized it as he was standing on the cliffs edge looking down at them amongst the rubble of the destroyed sound base. He was so cold. When her name rolled of his tongue, she froze. Her heart leapt out of her chest, her feelings awakened again after over 2 years. But he attacked them. He tried to kill her. How many times had he tried to kill her? How many times had she hoped and believed that he could still love her? She didn't know. But she did remember on that day, when he raised his sword to her, the last hope withered in the darkness of his cold gaze. It was over.

Sakura fell to her knees among Itachi's shirts, and began to sob at the loss she felt. She felt Sasuke's loss. His clan, his brother. She felt her loss as well. She didn't love him any longer. The Sasuke she was infatuated with was gone. Gone or never existed.

Her tears faded and only her sharp breaths remained. Focusing on the musty smell of the cloth around her, she slowed her breathing. On wobbly legs, she swayed to her feet, shoving the notes in her pocket, unable to part with them.

She plucked up the shirts and threw them back in the dresser, suddenly desperate to preserve this pure part of Sasuke's childhood. Then turned to leave without another thought. As soon as she exited, another bedroom door came into view. "Sasuke's room" was posted on a plastic plaque on the door. She smiled despite the emptiness his name brought her now. She reached for the doorknob but paused. Nothing on the other side of that door could help her now. Nothing would change who Sasuke had become. Deeming it futile, her hand dropped, curiosity doused.

She left the compound with a clear mind and resolve. If this was what love was, she wanted nothing more to do with it. Opening yourself completely to someone only be be hurt again and again, she couldn't do it anymore. She was done with love.

From deep in the shadows, eyes followed Sakura's retreating form. She'd been completely unaware that she had been watched the moment she'd entered the gates.

A man, form obscured by the dark and movements hidden by the white noise of rain noted her every movement. He stood when she left. Another man joined him a moment later.

"Report?" He said, voice gravely.

"Sakura Haruno, sir. The Hokage's apprentice," the first man supplies. The second man hisses out a curse.

"Did she find anything?" He asks, anger bleeding into his tone.

"Just the notes from the dresser, sir." The first man answers.

"Keep an eye on her. If she get's close again, notify me immediately." He commands.

"Yes, sir," The first man says as the second vanished once again into the night.


	2. Watch Over Me

* * *

**Done with Love - Chapter 1**

Watch Over Me

* * *

Report #3

Agent 399

Subject continues to carry one note on her person with remaining 9 hidden at residence in 'Clinical Ophthalmology, edition 5' textbook. No additional change in behavior noted.

Subject exited village under Hokage sanctioned mission ID# B-042-865 at 02:34 with Jonin Toyozo Chiba (Captain), Jonin Ryūma Onishi, and Chunin Atsuki Aoki. Rotating Agents posted at gates for 24hr watch until Subject returns (expected 3 days).

* * *

"Haruno! Get your ass over here," Sakura hears her Captain yell over the boom of explosions going off all around them. One of their pursuers has fire affinity and is not letting them forget it. She pushes chakra into her legs and adjusts her grip on the unconscious client draped across her back. A burst of strength propels her faster toward her retreating teammates.

She is struggling to keep up. They have been pursued for over an hour now, leaving a trail of burning forest behind them. The dead weight of her client, Yukimura, slung across her back has her breath coming in pants. She has roughly half of her chakra reserves left. It's enough to heal Yukimura with some left over for any superficial injuries her teammates have incurred, but each minute she spends pouring chakra into her legs to leap from tree to tree is a drain on her. How long could she keep this up before she ran out?

A wave of heat hits from behind and reminds her she doesn't have a choice. She pushes off harder, leaping with increasing speed to the next branch. There is a moment of freefall, then the branch explodes in flames before she can land.

She swears. A hot wave of air flings her back and she manages to twist Yukimura away from the impact just in time before slamming into a tree.

"Haruno!" Her Captain, Toyozo, yells. He is coming toward her now, toward the danger.

Chakra running to her palms, Sakura digs into the bark of the tree, trying to stop her body from sliding, falling to the ground 40 feet below. Splinters dig into her hands and in the soft tissue under her nails.

Toyozo's hand shoots out to her arm, and she's lifted onto another branch. Smoke stings her eyes, burns her lungs. She's coughing on her hands and knees.

"Get. Up." Toyozo commands, thoroughly annoyed. He hasn't let go of her arm and is tugging her to her feet.

"I-," Sakura rasps, but another coughing fit cuts her off. Toyozo releases her. His hands are blurring through the hand signs, then with a poof, three shadow clones appear – one Toyozo, one Yukimura and one Sakura. The clones speed off in the tree line as a decoy.

"Come on," Toyozo commands again, slinging their client over his shoulders and tugging her down toward the ground. They descend quickly, checking above for the pursuing ninja to pass. Just as they land, another explosion hits their shadow selves and they poof out of existence. Toyozo swears.

"You're a genjutsu type, right?" he asks Sakura. She nods, no longer coughing, but gulping down air. "We need a distraction. Cast a genjutsu on these guys, get them to stop and buy us some time to get out of here."

Sakura's stomach drops, "I-I can't. I don't know any that can – that are that advanced."

Toyozo goes red, "You're a genjutsu type and you don't know any?"

Sakura flushes, shame pricking at her cheeks. "I'm not here to be a genjutsu specialist! I'm you're medic-nin and my only job is to keep your ass from dying."

"Really? Because where I'm standing, I'm the one keeping _your_ ass from dying!" He bellows, "We'd be miles out by now if you were able to keep up. You're useless. You're _less_ than useless. You're a damn liability."

Sakura feels her eyes prickle with angry tears. Her hands are balled into shaking fists she wants to slam into Toyozo's arrogant face.

One ninja drops out of the trees, then two, speeding toward them kunai in hand.

"You want a distraction?" Sakura says, turning toward them, "Then I'll give you one!"

Sakura throws her fists above her head and drives them into the ground letting out a burst of chakra that shatters the earth outward. The enemy ninja are thrown into the air. She's grabbing a tree and ripping it from it's roots before they have a chance to land. She hurls it at them a moment later.

The trunk slams into one opponent's torso, dragging him to the ground unconscious, but the other recovers quick enough to spring off the trunk. He's flying toward her, kunai ready to strike, but Sakura doesn't back down. She's charging forward, fist cocked to smash into his soft face.

"Watch out!" Toyozo warns her, but she doesn't stop. Its only a second too late she realizes he isn't warning her of the man hurtling toward her, but the third ninja dropping from the trees, katana ready to come down on her neck.

Toyozo flash steps between them. The katana sinks with a wet thud into his shoulder. Hot blood sprays her cheek. Sakura's fist cracks against the second ninja's face just as Toyozo drives a kunai between the third ninjas ribs. Neither man gets up again.

There's a hiss of pain from Toyozo, and he falls to his knees, hand gripping his wound. Sakura's there beside him in a moment, chakra gloved hand pressing over his. Hot, thick blood is oozing through her fingers.

Her grandstand cost her another 20% of her chakra reserves and with regret, she realizes she doesn't have enough to heal both the damage to the bone and the hemorrhaging tissue.

"I'm going to stop the bleeding. You'll have to wait until we get back to the village for me to heal the bone." She explains, but he's throwing her hand off his shoulder.

"Are you an idiot? We don't have time for this." He says, getting to his feet, ripping a sleeve off and wrapping it around his shoulder with one hand. "There's still one more guy out there. We have to keep moving."

"If you keep running, you'll bleed out in less than an hour," Sakura insists. It is a bit of an exaggeration, but she is trying to make a point. "Just give me one minute-,"

"I'm not wasting another second listening to you, Haruno." He says, grabbing Yukimura again. "We are leaving now, and I'm not slowing down for you this time. Keep up or you're on your own."

He's jumping into the trees again, not looking back once to see if she follows.

"I'll be reporting this to the Hokage!" She yells back at him, following quickly and determined not to fall behind this time.

"So will I!" He returns over his shoulder.

* * *

It has been 5 days since Sakura has returned from her train-wreck of a mission with Toyozo and she still has not heard word from the Hokage's office in response to his formal complaint.

A large part of her doubts she will. It is clear to her that Toyozo is just another egotistical Jonin Captain that loves to look down on others to make himself feel better for his own lack of leadership. Tsunade would have seen that too. Probably.

The other part of her though…The other part keeps replaying the moment when Toyozo jumped behind her, the katana blade sinking into his shoulder. Guilt settles heavy in her chest, despite how much of an ass he had been. She could still feel the hot blood, spray on her cheek and slick on her hands. It was so similar to when Sasuke had swung his blade down at her, meeting Yamato's flesh instead of her own at that Sound Village Base. Even now, she can see Sasuke's cold eyes, no regret or remorse.

Stop it, she thinks to herself. Her hand dips into the pocket of her white doctor's coat, feeling for the note there. It is her reminder that she is done with him making her feel inferior.

Yes, she had needed saving again, but that didn't mean she hadn't progressed. She wasn't useless and the people that mattered – Tsunade, Naruto, Kakashi, even Sai – they knew that.

Sakura scoops up the charts from her desk. Some take-out, a glass of wine and a long bubble bath would have her back in good spirits, but first she had charts to file.

As she steps out into the hall, she sees two nurses heading toward her.

"Thanks for your help today, Kanna," the new girl, Ami, says to the plump, middle age nurse.

"Of course, dear. Well done." She says with a motherly smile. Kanna notices Sakura and gives a wave. "Ah, Sakura. Headed out for the day?"

Sakura nods and says with a smile, "Sure am. I've got a hot date with some fried rice."

Ami looks disappointed, "Careful now. If you keep dating fried food, you'll end up like me some day." She gestures to her round figure and although Sakura laughs, the self-deprecating comment makes her feel uncomfortable.

"If I end up being half the woman you are, I'd be quite happy with that," Sakura says encouragingly.

"That's very flattering, dear," Kanna replies looking not the least bit flattered. "But take it from me, men taste much better than fried food. Fewer calories too."

Kanna's following wink has Ami and Sakura turning scarlet.

"I – uh," Sakura stutters not quite knowing what to say to that. "I'm taking a break from relationships right now. Not sure I'd have time for one anyway."

"Come now," Kanna dismisses Sakura's excuse, "There's more to life than working at the hospital. Plus, it doesn't have to be anything serious! Women have certain needs too, you know."

Ami looks ready to faint. Sakura is about to not so subtly change the subject when she's interrupted by the slam of doors flying open at the end of the hall. Three nurses push a stretcher toward them, voices breaking the quiet.

"Heartrate's dropping. We're losing her! Someone get me Sakura Haruno, dammit!" a male voice shouts.

"Here, take these to the record room," Sakura says shoving her charts into Ami's arms. She's shocked white. "Kanna, you're with me."

"Yes, ma'am." Kanna says, sparing Ami a reassuring look before following Sakura to the commotion.

As she arrives, Sakura recognizes the woman on the stretcher immediately and suppresses a spike of emotion. It's Kurenai-sensei.

A nurse Sakura recognizes as Narumi is holding hemostatic gauze to Kurenai's chest while another nurse, Mami, tries to attach a blood-pressure cuff. The third nurse, Akihiro, is driving the stretcher, reporting Kurenai's heartrate stats from the EKG. Sakura turns to him and says, "What are we dealing with here?"

"Haruno-san," He looks relieved, "Puncture wound to the chest, possible internal bleeding in the abdomen. Heart rate is dropping but heart doesn't appear to be damaged from the puncture wound."

"Poison?" Sakura asks.

"We can't rule it out." He answers. That complicates things.

"Head to Surgical Room 5. Mami, get me Shizune. We need her in case poison is in play. Kanna, take over for her. I want those BP stats, ASAP," Sakura announces. The team affirms immediately.

Sakura orders Narumi to push a coagulant drug before pressing a charka gloved hand onto Kurenai's abdomen. It's not good.

There's massive internal hemorrhaging crushing her insides. It thrums with each pump of her heart. Something else as is thrumming as well. A flutter like a hummingbird's wings smothered underneath the blanket of blood.

"Stop the coagulant!" Sakura cries, eyes flying open, "She's pregnant."

* * *

The surgery takes Sakura well past the end of her shift. By the end, Kurenai-sensei is stabilized with no harm to her child, but it wasn't easy. She's dead on her feet, as is the rest of her staff.

Sakura addresses Kanna as they disrobe out of their PPE, "Let's keep her a few days for observation. I want to make sure the baby is alright. She appears stable now, but sometimes there's delayed trauma that can terminate the pregnancy."

Kanna nods, "I'll tell the attending physician right away."

Sakura smiles weakly, "Thanks Kanna."

"Now go home! You're late for your date." Kanna says winking. Sakura laughs.

"See, isn't it lucky I don't have some poor guy waiting on me? This is why I don't date." Sakura jokes.

This time Kanna's smile is full of pity and Sakura regrets making the joke at all.

"Haruno-san?" An aid named Daichi calls into the surgical room, his head swiveling until he finds her by the sinks. Sakura waves him over.

"I was told there is a man pacing in the waiting room. Kiba Inuzuka, I think. He's the one who came in with the patient." He says. Its customary for the attending surgeon to give an update once patents have stabilized, but as he looks Sakura up and down taking in the exhausted expression on her face and her hunched shoulders, he asks, "Should I send a nurse for an update?"

If she hadn't known Kiba personally, she would have readily agreed, but this kind of news was better coming from a friend.

"Not necessary, Daichi," She answers, "Kiba's a friend. I'll see to him as soon as I'm finished here."

He nods and leaves.

Kanna elbows me in the side, "Looks like you might have a date after all."

Sakura rolls her eyes at Kanna and calls, "He should be so lucky!" over her shoulder as she leaves to the waiting room.

When she arrives, it isn't Kiba she finds pacing, but Asuma-sensei. Sakura doesn't think she's ever seen him so worked up.

She calls to him as she approaches, and it startles him out of his state of worry.

"Sakura!" he says, "Is Kurenai alright? Tell me everything's alright."

Sakura gives him her best reassuring smile and says, "Yes, she's stable. It was a tough surgery, but she's a fighter."

People love to hear that their loved ones are 'fighters' Sakura's noticed. It gives them some feeling of control over something that is so often uncontrollable. Asuma is no different as he relaxes slightly.

"I was told Kiba was waiting. Have you seen him?" Sakura asks.

Asuma nods, "Yeah, Kiba and the rest of the team brought her in. They were on a mission together when, well…," He trails off for a moment. "It was getting late so I told 'em to go rest, and that I'd send word when I heard anything."

"Well, tell them there's nothing to worry about and that she's in good hands." Sakura says, then taking in his wrinkled clothes and bloodshot eyes, "You should get some rest too, Asuma-sensei."

He doesn't acknowledge her comment, but his eyebrows rise as he remembers, "Oh right, Kakashi stopped by too. He had to leave for a Team 7 briefing though. I guess I'm a little surprised you're still here."

At Sakura's furrowed brow, he quickly adds, "Thankful, but surprised."

But that wasn't her confusion. There was a Team 7 briefing and she hadn't been notified? Maybe the messenger came while she was in surgery and left. But then why hadn't someone given her the message after she'd finished? Knowing Kakashi-sensei though, he was probably just looking for a lame excuse to head home.

Her train of thought breaks when Asuma asks, "Can I see her?"

"She needs to rest," Sakura answers, "You can visit in the morning. We are keeping her under observation for a minimum of 3 days, but it could end up being up to a week depending on how the recovery goes."

At this, Asuma's eyes go wide, "I thought you said she was doing fine."

"Well, she is, but we want to make sure the-," But she cuts herself off as something occurs to her. Asuma and Kurenai were teammates, and she wasn't sure if Kanna's over-romantic ramblings had got to her, but something in his worried expression makes her question if they could be more. Maybe Asuma was the father.

"The what?" He prompts, but Sakura shakes her head.

"You should really just talk to Kurenai-sensei tomorrow. It would be better coming from her." Sakura doesn't reassure him.

"What do you mean 'better coming from her'? People only say that when the news is really bad."

"No, no. It's not bad, per say. Just a little complicated," She struggles to find the right words. Then she steps forward, putting a reassuring hand on his arm. "I promise everything's going to be fine. Just get some rest, Sensei."

Asuma just nods, "Alright then, thanks. I better go tell Kurenai's team the news then. If you're on your way to the briefing, can you let Kakashi know for me?"

A growl from Sakura's stomach begs her to go get takeout and head home, but she agrees anyway. On the off-chance Team 7 really did have a mission, she'd hate to hold them up. If there was no mission, Kakashi deserved to worry for a few more hours. Good riddance.

* * *

Sakura is just walking up to Hokage Tower when Naruto comes sprinting up behind her.

"Sakura! Did ya hear we got a mission?" He asks and she swears he treats every mission with the same level of excitement as his first.

"Not exactly, but I'm here," She says. "Do you know any details?"

They walk up to Tsunade's office, while Naruto rambles on about how he doesn't know details but he does know what he _wants_ it to be. Most of his examples involve dangerous bad guys and saving a pretty girl at the end. That makes Sakura roll her eyes.

When they finally open the door, the room falls silent. Sakura's stomach drops. It's the kind of immediate silence that comes when people have just been talking about you and don't want you to know it. Tsunade is sitting behind her desk, jaw clenched and eyes trained on Sakura. Kakashi and Sai are also nearby. Behind Tsunade, a dark-haired man is staring out the window. The bandages on his face give him away as Danzo of Anbu Root.

Naruto, as oblivious as always rushes in saying, "Granny Tsunade, I ran into Sakura on the way here and brought her along. So what kinda mission is the legendary Team 7 getting today? Any beautiful ladies that need rescuing?"

Normally at this, Tsunade would have gave him a tongue lashing or accused Jiraya of rubbing off on him, but she's eerily quiet.

"Naruto, Sai, Ino – I need a moment alone with Sakura." She says, hands coming to fold in front of her face. Ino? Until Tsunade calls her out, Sakura doesn't notice Ino's presence obscured by the open door of the office.

Naruto starts to protest, but Kakashi cuts him off, "It'll just be a minute," he assures Naruto, but the tense air tells Sakura he's lying.

They file out, and Ino gives Sakura a look that she interprets as 'Sorry, this wasn't my idea.'

Sakura gulps and walks up to the center of the room. "Lady Tsunade?"

Tsunade sighs, "I'm sorry Naruto has put you in this situation. I didn't want to have to tell you like this."

"Tell me what?" Sakura says slowly, glancing at Kakashi for some clue as to what's going on.

"You won't be joining Team 7 on this mission. I'm putting you on a temporary leave of absence for remedial training, effective immediately. Ino will be going in your place." Tsunade says heavily. Sakura is silent for a moment letting this information sink in.

"Remedial training?" Sakura repeats. "Is this because of Captain Toyozo's complaint against me?"

"In part, yes." Tsunade answers.

"You took his side? He's just being arrogant. I challenged his leadership and he reacted poorly. That doesn't mean I need remedial training." Sakura insists.

"It's not just the one complaint. There have been others." Tsunade elaborates.

"Others?" Sakura demands, "Why is this the first time I'm hearing about them then?"

"They weren't necessarily complaints, but concerns." Tsunade clarifies. "On several missions over the past few months, you've shown a lack of tactical understanding which resulted in injury of a teammate coming to aid you. It's becoming a pattern."

"That's not true. You know what I'm capable of," Sakura pleads.

Tsunade lifts a stack of papers and says, "I have a stack of mission reports right here that say otherwise. I'm not trying to punish you here, Sakura. You don't have to remind me of your potential. I trained you so I know just what your capable of and this -," She waves the papers again, "This is not it. I take full responsibility as your teacher and I'm trying to fix it now before you get yourself or a teammate killed!"

Sakura is boiling. She turns to Kakashi and pleads, "Aren't you going to say something, Sensei? Is this how you feel too?"

He closes, his eyes, turning away for a moment before answering, "I know this isn't easy, Sakura, but yes I do agree with what Tsunade has said."

At this, Sakura is in numb shock. She thought all this was behind her and that after the last three years of training, she had done enough to show Kakashi and Naruto that she was different. That little genin that needed protecting was gone and she was just as capable as them.

"You don't think I'm good enough to be on Team 7 anymore." Sakura breathes out. "Do the past three years of hard work and progress mean nothing to any of you?"

"It's not about that. No one is doubting your progress. We just don't want to see you make a mistake that will get you killed," Kakashi explains, but its too late. Sakura's mind is already racing to her worst fear.

She's worthless, dead weight, _annoying._

Sakura doesn't answer. Her mind is collapsing in on itself.

"I'm assigning you a tactical mentor," Tsunade continues, "He's quite good and you'll meet with him daily for training until he signs off on your progress. If he identifies additional areas that need improvement in taijutsu, ninjutsu or gejutsu, we'll find you an appropriate mentor."

"What about the hospital?" Sakura asks. It's her last life raft on this sinking ship.

"I was going to cut your shifts so you can have full focus on this training, but -," Tsunade begins.

"But that is why I am here," Danzo cuts in. Sakura jumps, forgetting he was even there. "I _do_ see great potential in you, Sakura, and this is a great opportunity to see just how much you can accomplish."

Sakura flushes under the praise, but it feels wrong coming from the one person in the room she least trusts.

Tsunade sends Danzo a glare, recognizing the subtle dig at herself and warns, "Watch your tone. You're here as a courtesy. Don't forget that."

Danzo ignores the threat and continues, "I want you to study the Sharingan. You'll be treating Kakashi to reverse the damage caused by long-term use and researching to see if you can find a way to enable him to activate and de-activate it at will. You alone are uniquely qualified for this. I have every faith that you will succeed."

For the first time, Sakura's interest is peeked. _This_ it seems isn't remedial, but a true challenge. She turns to Kakashi to see his reaction, but his face is turned toward Danzo in a careful expression she'd only seen when he was sizing up a particularly nasty opponent in battle.

"As you know, long term use of the Sharingan can cause blindness. We'd like to combat this, so when Sasuke does return, we can treat him and preserve the last Sharingan until more can be…produced," Danzo continues.

For some reason, Sakura thinks he's about to say 'bred' and for the first time, she realizes they might think she is uniquely qualified because of her old infatuation with Sasuke. If she were to someday marry him and 'produce' these offspring, she would be able to preserve their sight.

Her stomach turns.

"Outside of this, your hospital shifts will be cut. You are free to use the facilities as you need for your research," Tsunade says.

There's a tense moment of silence. Sakura wants to rage, to fight, but her inner strength is crumbling. These people were supposed to be the ones who always believed in her and yet here they were telling her she wasn't good enough to be on the team anymore? The walls are closing in around her and she can't get in enough air her lungs. She had to get out of here.

"Is there anything else, Hokage-sama?" Sakura grits out.

If Tsunade notices the formality in her tone, she doesn't react.

"Meet your new mentor tomorrow morning at 10:00 in Office 2-C." Tsunade orders.

Sakura drops into a bow, turns and leaves without a glance back.

* * *

Normally in a situation like this, Sakura would have gone straight to the nearest training ground and smashed it to bits. When she leaves the Tower, she has every intention of doing just that. A growl from her stomach forces her to hit the take-out stand instead. Looks like she was eating her feelings tonight.

A pint of fried rice and a bout of ugly crying later, Sakura is laying in her bed with all the anger rung out from her. She has moved on to beating herself up phase of the 'accepting you're a loser' recovery plan, featuring replays of all her mistakes. She's imagining what she could have done differently or coming up with a _so_ much better response for why she didn't need remedial training. Not exactly bedtime material, but she couldn't get her mind to stop.

Then suddenly its morning, and she's realizes somewhere between takes of telling Kakashi off for not defending her, she's managed to catch a few hours of sleep. Her alarm hasn't gone off yet, and she's really dreading meeting this new mentor, so she doesn't look at the clock just yet. She doesn't want to roll over and face her new reality just yet.

Sakura flops on her back and hears the crunch of paper underneath her shoulder. She pulls it out from under her.

_Borrowed your old kunai set to practice – Sasuke_

It's one of the notes. It still folded in half and looks a little tear-stained now. She lifts it to the light, turning the page translucent and scrutinizes where her tears have left the paper wavy and smudged. Oh, what Sasuke would say if he could see her now.

_Pathetic._

Sakura's about to crumple up the paper and throw it across the room when she notices something on the note she hasn't seen before. In the bottom corner of the folded page, she can see the strokes of another message peeking though. She unfolds the paper all the way. Its not the childish scrawl belonging to Sasuke, but neat block letters.

_Good. Don't give up._

Sakura shoots upright, eyes darting over the text again. Although she has never met Itachi Uchiha in person, she imagines his voice like Sasuke's but a few tones deeper speaking the words.

Don't. Give. Up.

What was Sakura doing? Feeling sorry for herself and blaming Tsunade and Kakashi wasn't going so solve anything. Sakura wasn't a quitter, she didn't shy away from hard work and most of all she did not _give up._ The only way she was going to get this over with was get this training complete as fast as possible.

She leapt out of bed, rationalizing in the back of her head that it was okay to take motivational notes from a mass-murder just this once. Glancing at the clock, she's hoping to get a run in before her meeting.

 _Shit!_ 10:44 am. She hadn't woken up before her alarm – she had slept through it.

Her hair is a mess and she's only halfway sure the outfit she picked up off the ground was clean when she's running up to the second floor of the Hokage tower. This was not the first impression she wanted to make on the one person who's sign off she needed to get back to her real life.

Her watch says 10:56 am when she sees the door for Office 2-C and she prays this person hasn't already given up and reported her as a no-show to Tsunade.

"I'm here!" She pants as she threw the door open. Her heart sinks. The desk in the center of the room and the two chairs facing it are all are empty. Her mentor already left. Now she was going to have to go upstairs and face Tsunade and explain herself. She remembers the first time she had overslept for a training with Tsunade.

"Do you think the person bleeding out on the operating table cares that your alarm clock didn't go off? Go run 5 laps around the village while you think about how those extra 15 minutes just cost someone their life!" Tsunade had lectured.

"Dammit!" Sakura swears, throwing the apartment keys still in her hand across the desk.

"Ow!" comes a cry from behind the desk.

She scurries around the desk. "Sorry," Sakura apologizes more on reflex than anything.

"Shikamaru?" She calls surprised.

Shikamaru's lounging in the sunbeam shining through the window like a cat. He's holding his head in one hand, her keys in the other.

"Watch where you're throwing these things," Shikamaru whines glaring up at her, but the effect is lost because he's squinting against the sunlight.

"Shikamaru!" Sakura barks this time, grabbing the collar of his shirt and dragging him upright off the ground, "I swear to God, if you're hiding out here to avoid doing paperwork for Tsunade again, I'm going to drag your ass up to her office myself. Do you know how many times I've had to come in after hours to finish _your_ work?"

"Hey, easy!" He says, grasping at Sakura's death grip on his shirt. "I'm not hiding. I'm here to meet you."

She releases his shirt and he falls back onto his elbows.

" _You're_ my tactical mentor?" She asks and when Shikamaru nods, she throws her hands up "But you're in my graduating class! This is so _demeaning_. Why am I being punished?"

"Actually, I'm the one being punished. For the paperwork," Shikamaru scratches the back of his head, "The Hokage sure has as sick sense of humor. Sort of a 'two birds, one stone' situation."

Sakura just groans, collapsing into the chair behind the desk.

"Look, I gotta get going," he says, peeling himself off the ground. "If I don't show again, the Hokage's gonna kill me."

"Wait, I just got here," Sakura objects.

"Not my problem," He declares, "but I'll cut you a break. You don't tell anyone you caught me sleeping on the job and I won't tell Tsunade you were late to your first session."

Sakura pouts, but responds, "Deal."

"Great," He says, dropping her keys into her lap. He slides a piece of paper across the desk to her. "Same time tomorrow. Here's your homework."

She shoots him a look, but he just says, "Later," and strolls out with hands in his pockets.

The paper is covered in Tsunade's loopy handwriting, which makes her think it's actually Shikamaru's homework, not her own. She was going to kill that man.

Her homework instructs her to pull the data files for herself and Team 7 and develop an improvement plan based on team composition. The last line, confirms her earlier suspicion.

_Ask Sakura to identify a role model, someone with similar skills to inspire her progress. Pull that data file as well and incorporate it into the improvement plan._

Though her initial reaction is to once again ball up the paper and throw it across the room, a voice in her head cools her reaction.

Don't give up.

She lets out a calming breath. This isn't a chore. Its a gift. A chance for Sakura to shape her own future. Also, its a chance escape from this temporary reassignment much more quickly. She's sure as hell Shikamaru isn't going to protest to her improvement plan being a little on the light side.

The records room is just down the hall, another hint that Shikamaru was still as lazy as ever.

She heads straight there. The receptionist recognizes her immediately and doesn't ask for any clearance identification.

Inside is a massive room with rows of filing cabinets organized by 'Status' then 'Last Name'. Starting with the 'Active Duty' section, she finds her own file first, Kakashi's second and Naruto's third. Kakashi's is actually split into 5 thick folders, but she takes the most recent.

Then she hits an impasse. Should she pull Sai or Sasuke?

She decides Sai is probably the correct option, but after several minutes of searching, she can't find his file anywhere. On second thought, Sai's file is probably in Anbu Root records. No way in hell she is going to get her hands on that then.

Sasuke's file it is then.

The 'missing-nin' section is in the back, shadowed in a dark corner. It was not so much a section as a single cabinet. She slides open the drawer, thumbing through to 'U'. Takagi, Tamura, Uchida…

There it is. 'Uchiha, Sasuke – Status: Missing-nin' written in thick red letters across the top. She takes a peak inside and to her surprise it has been updated. His stats are ridiculous. How could he have grown this much in 3 short years? It wasn't natural.

Even so, her traitorous heart felt a twinge of relief. If Sasuke's goal was to kill arguably the most talented prodigy of their time _and live_ , he would need all the strength he could get. Would this be enough?

She goes to pull 'Uchiha, Itachi – Status: Missing-nin' but it isn't there. Misfiled, she wonders. She checks sections labeled 'Leave of Absence' and 'Discharged' with no luck. When she finds it, it isn't misfiled at all.

'Uchiha, Itachi – Status: Active Duty'

Maybe someone mislabeled it? But what kind of idiot did you have to be to not know Itachi was a missing-nin? She brushes it off and opens the file. Her breath catches.

Itachi's stats are the highest she's ever scene, even higher than the Sanin: Tsunade, Orochimaru and Jiraya. Before she can check herself, she feels a flash of envy.

_You're less than useless. You're a damn liability._

Unsurprisingly, his Genjutsu score is maxed. Ninjutsu, Intelligence and Speed are also scored 5/5. His lowest score surprises her though. Stamina 2.5/5. Her own score is only 2.5 as well. She puts her summary chart next to Itachi's and although her scores are much lower, the profile is almost the same.

She's struck by an idea. What if she picked Itachi as her role model? Tsunade did say 'Someone with similar skills to inspire her progress' _._

What if all of this, the notes, this training, the Sharingan research was leading her to this moment. This ultimate challenge to herself. This could be her. Maybe not this year, but in 5 or 10.

Wait, what was she thinking? Ignoring the fact that she'd never have big enough chakra reserves to pull of the jutsu Itachi did, she wasn't born with a Kekkai Genkai. He had a natural advantage over her, just like Sasuke and Naruto with the nine-tails. She should put this file back and get someone reasonable, like Kurenai-sensei.

She hesitates. If she allows that to be true, she will never be able to be equal with Sasuke and Naruto. Accepting that is not an option.

Still, Itachi was a murderer and a psychopath.

But...

_Don't give up._

Those notes weren't kept by someone who hated their family, but by someone who could love. There is more to Itachi Uchiha, she just knows it.

She lets out a huff halfway between a laugh and a gasp. For the first time, this is her choice: Itachi Uchiha.

* * *

URGENT REPORT

Report #21

Agent 399

Subject obtained the following items from "Priority 2" notification list:

Item 34. Performance Statistics File – Uchiha, Sasuke - Status: Missing-Nin

Item 35. Performance Statistics File – Uchiha, Itachi - Status: Active Duty

Item 35-A. Jonin Pre-requisite Psychological Exam - Itachi Uchiha [unedited]

Item 35-B. ANBU Pre-requisite Psychological Exam - Itachi Uchiha [unedited]

Requesting permission to initiate Retrieval and Elimination Protocol - ASAP


	3. Now You See Me, Now You Don't

**Done with Love – Chapter 2**

Now You See Me, Now You Don't

* * *

RE: URGENT REPORT #21

To: Agent 399

From: Command

Permission granted.

* * *

Sakura is paranoid of being late to meet Shikamaru, so she arrives a half hour early with the copies of personnel files for her teammates and Itachi Uchiha in her bag. It takes her most of that time to arrange her 'homework' on the desk.

Its good, she thinks, sliding into the desk chair. Achievable and most important, timely.

But minutes later, when Shikamaru is sitting across from her in one of the small folding chairs, pouring over the details of what she's laid out, she wavers.

"It's wrong," he says.

"I'm sorry?" She stutters.

"This is going to be so much more troublesome than I thought," He groans. "First off, is this really all you think you're capable of?"

Sakura blushes. So, she'd underestimated a few metrics.

"Fine," She murmurs, taking out a pencil and adjusting a few numbers. "There, how about now?"

" _Wrong,_ " He repeats.

"Then maybe you should have done it." She snaps.

"That would have defeated the purpose." He explains, "This was a test. I needed to see how your mind works and what conclusions you come to without my help."

Sakura, as a rule, liked tests. She has always excelled as a student and was quite good at them. But this wasn't a test, it was a trap.

Still, she couldn't resist asking for a grade.

"Care to share the answer then, _sensei_?" She asks, sarcastically.

He doesn't react to the 'sensei' comment and doesn't answer her directly, instead asking, "What do you consider your strengths?"

She's thrown a bit off. Identifying her strengths had never been her strong suit. She is much better at finding what she likes to call 'areas of improvement'.

"Chakra control," She starts slowly, "my intellect and medical ninjutsu." The first two are the only things that kept her from being a total lost cause in the Academy, but the medical ninjutsu she's quite proud of. She'd earned that, dammit.

"What else?" He prompts.

What else? There was nothing else. Her other skills were mediocre at best compared with her team. She shuffles through her notes, looking for an answer that isn't there.

Shikamaru sighs, moving on "And your weaknesses?" This was easier.

"My strength and stamina are well below average for my age, but I can compensate with chakra for the most part. Taijutsu is average and my combat related Ninjutsu are limited. I just don't have the chakra reserves to be as effective as Naruto or Sasuke. Also -"

"Stop, you've just made my point." Shikamaru cuts in, sitting back up out of his chair, "You're focusing too much on your weaknesses."

He stands, searching the table for a specific page. Sakura notices that although his body movements are relaxed, his eyes dart quickly revealing his genius mind at work. He slides a page toward her.

"Look here," He points to the numbers she's crossed out. "You've identified your weakest areas and set a goal 0.5-1 point higher. It does raise your total rating significantly. "

"But?" She asks, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"But look at values as a whole. What do you see?"

She tries to look at the sheet with new eyes, but what stares back is unchanged. With her updates, across the board she is just average. It stings a bit.

"Its average. I don't know what I'm supposed to notice," She huffs, "There's nothing that really stands out."

"Exactly," He says. "If you make these changes, you will have improved, but overall, you'll still only be average."

She has been told she is only average most of her life. It wasn't a wound that ever healed. Each time picked a little more at the scab.

She's about to tell him to screw off when he interrupts, "Also, by definition, the amount of time and effort you invest improving a weakness will always be more than the amount needed to improve a strength the same amount. If one of your goals is to complete this training quickly, which judging by this plan is the case, you'll want to focus on areas with the most potential for growth."

Sakura blanches slightly at being called out for trying to cut corners, but counters "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of this training? Even if I did that, I'd still have a bunch of skills I'm behind Naruto and Sasuke in."

"That's another thing. Stop comparing yourself to Naruto and Sasuke. You'll never match their strengths." He levels.

This hits a nerve, but he doesn't know it.

"We are on a team for a reason, and I have every intention of being their equal." She declares.

"You're misunderstanding me," He says calmly, "Being their equal and having the same strengths are different things."

She's tired of him mincing her words, so she tries a new approach.

"Either way, part of the assignment was to consider team composition." She insists, "I can't do that if I'm not comparing myself to the team."

"Again, those are different things," Shikamaru states. "It's true that a team should have the same overall purpose. For you and me, that's combat. For a team like Hinata, Shino and Kiba, that's tracking. But that doesn't mean the team needs to have the same individual strengths. It needs to be internally balanced. One person's strength should compensate for another's weakness. You need diversity. That is what makes for good composition."

"Well, yeah." She agrees, put off by being lectured, "But you can't have one person a level behind the rest."

"I'm not saying you're behind. You've got most of the tools, you're just using them incorrectly," He says, then expands, "Is a katana any more deadly than a senbon? If you use them correctly, no. However, if you charge an opponent head on using a senbon like a sword, you're going to be much less effective than if you'd thrown it."

"Oh," She says lamely. In one statement, he's taken her off the defensive.

"So, in that scenario, I'm the senbon and Naruto and Sasuke are the Katana?" She asks.

"Correct. Naruto and Sasuke's skills lend themselves to direct confrontation. They're brawlers. You on the other hand are more of a finesse weapon. My point though is you'll be just as effective as your teammates, if not more so, as long as you stop trying to fight with the same approach as them." He explains.

"You really think so?" She asks, failing to keep the desperation out of her voice.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," He says, and while it's not strictly true because he's forced to be here as much as she is, she chooses to accept the sentiment.

"Actually, I'm very qualified to help you. Our skillset is surprisingly similar." Shikamaru continues.

"I guess we're both smart, but past that, I'm not sure I get what you mean." She admits.

"On paper, we are both pretty weak," He explains with no embarrassment whatsoever, but Sakura flushes slightly, "But we have one area with so much more potential than our peers that it makes us invaluable to a team. For me, it's my strategic intellect. For you,"

He pulls the pencil from her fingers, circling one word on the page and scratching the maximum score underneath, "For you, its Genjutsu. You just haven't explored it yet."

Sakura's eyebrows shoot up. She's thinking of Itachi Uchiha's file still tucked away in her bag. At the last second, she'd chickened out and hadn't included it in her presentation, selecting the safe choice, Kurenai-sensei, instead. At the time, she'd thought he would laugh at her, or have her committed for psychological evaluation had she shared her new goal of surpassing Itachi. Shikamaru echoing the conclusion she'd come to yesterday that she could master genjutsu has her second-guessing the decision.

"You really think I can master it?" She asks, hating herself a little for the pleading tone.

"With the right teacher, yes." He answers, then hands the pencil back, "Now try this again."

As she's puzzling through her plan given Shikamaru's inputs, she thinks she has just the woman in mind.

* * *

She'd snuck in the back of the hospital to avoid being seen by any of her co-workers. She didn't think she could face them after the probation had been announced. Pity is a sour thing.

Taking a few back hallways, she found herself outside Kurenai-sensei's room, bouquet of flowers in hand. Showing up empty handed somehow seemed rude, even if she had saved her life. The gesture had cost her though. She had visited the Yamanaka flower shop and after seeing Ino's mother behind the counter been again reminded of her failure to join Team 7's latest mission.

Reaching to grab the handle, she hesitates just a moment. She really didn't want to do this. Begging for help, as she'd found when requesting the apprenticeship from Tsunade, is a humbling experience at best. Forcing a large exhale, she slides the door open.

Kurenai is awake, head turned to look out the open window and hand resting lightly on her stomach. She turns as Sakura enters.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Sakura asks, slipping into her more comfortable role as medic.

"Sakura," Kurenai says sounding pleasantly surprised. With a smile she continues, "I'm doing a lot better, thanks to you."

"Glad to hear it," Sakura returns the smile. She means it too. Suddenly she feels guilty for not trying harder to tell Kakashi-sensei about Kurenai's recovery. There's a side table by the window with red roses on display, which Sakura set's her arrangement next to. "Did Kakashi-sensei stop by?"

"Not yet, but Asuma says he had to leave on a mission, so I'll let it slide this once," She jokes with a wink. "I heard about your probation. The nurses talk," She adds, looking quite sorry for Sakura.

Sakura's smile is forced, quickly changing the subject. "Asuma came by?"

Kurenai's expression grows distant, and she just nods. Sakura pauses for a moment, not sure how to broach the topic appropriately. Walking to Kurenai's side and dropping into the chair there, she makes her decision.

"Asuma was quite worried about you during the surgery," Sakura states. Kurenai's frown deepens.

"I'm not surprised. He looks tough, but he's actually very tender-hearted." Her mouth turns up in a half-hearted smile, an attempt at pleasantries.

"Does he know?" Sakura asks. She doesn't have to clarify further. Kurenai's hand goes to her stomach.

"No, not yet." She whispers.

"I – I didn't say anything when I told him your status. I wasn't sure…," Sakura trails off. If he knew? If you two were close enough? If he was the father? Kurenai doesn't fill in the blank but looks over Sakura's shoulder at the vase of roses.

"Have you already told Tsunade?" Sakura asks instead. Kurenai shakes her head.

"I wasn't ready to leave active duty. The money is good and I need all I can get before…before the baby comes," Kurenai explains.

"Strenuous activity in these early stages can lead to miscarriages. If you care for this child, as I suspect you do, you need to start taking it easy. As a medic, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't tell you that." Sakura says, concern in her voice.

"I understand," Kurenai nods again, "I do care for this child, but please Sakura, don't tell her just yet. I just need a little more time."

"I'm sorry, Kurenai-sensei, its too late. As soon as it was discovered during surgery and put in your medical file, notice was sent to the Hokage's office. It's protocol." Sakura says.

Kurenai breaths out a curse. "I'm not ready. I just don't want to sit in the house for the next 6 months." She responds, "For a lot of kunoichi, pregnancy is the end to their career. I'm not ready to give that up yet."

So the pregnancy wasn't planned, Sakura deduced. Accepting this new reality would be difficult either way for Kurenai. However, for Sakura's predicament, this was good news.

"Actually, I might be able to help with that." Sakura says. Kurenai perks up. "I'm looking for a new teacher, and I'd like it to be you."

Kurenai's brow furrows, "Me?"

Now the hard part. Sakura nods "Part of probation is studying under new mentors. Shikamaru is mentoring me on tactics and helping me identify areas I can improve." Sakura explains. "We believe extra skills in Genjutsu would prove beneficial for me. And I thought of you. You're the best in the village."

If Kurenai is flattered, she doesn't show it. "I see." Is all she says.

"If you agreed to also mentor me, I could contact the Hokage and have you put on assignment for the next few months."

"Really?" Kurenai asks, "You'd do that for me?"

"It's a win-win," Sakura rationalizes, "It would only be part-time, but it would be some income and allow you the rest you need. I'd be happy to provide check-ups as well whenever we meet."

Kurenai's eyes well up with tears, "That would mean so much,"

Sakura gives her arm a gentle squeeze, "Hey, I'm the one who's supposed to be thankful here." She laughs at the weak joke. "I'll get Tsunade-shisou started on the paperwork then. I'd leave it to Shikamaru, but you know how he is," She adds with a wink. "We can start meeting after you've had time to recover."  
"Thank you, Sakura. I mean it," Kurenai says. "Come by tomorrow and I'll have a reading list for you to study between now and then."

"Of course, Sensei" Sakura says, making her exit. She pauses at the door, and turns back to risk saying, "Kurenai-sensei, you're going to be a great mom. I know the father of your child will think so too. Tell him soon so he can celebrate with you, okay?"

Kurenai's answering smile was watery and weak, but she nods her head in response before she quickly ducks out the door.

* * *

Shikamaru had agreed to meet and finalize her improvement plan over dinner. Tsunade wanted it in by tomorrow, and Shikamaru had made her promise to treat him to dinner for having to work on it in the evening.

She's walking into a BBQ restaurant she knows Team 10 visits quite frequently, but that she's never been to. In the back, she finds Shikamaru is lounging in a booth but as she approaches, she notices he's not alone.

Choji is across from him, already grilling meat on the table grill.

"If you think I'm paying for him too, you're insane." Sakura says, sliding into the bench next to Shikamaru. He huffs, but moves aside to let her in.

"It was an accident. I told him where I was going tonight, and he insisted on coming along." Shikamaru explains.

Sakura groans internally, and while she has nothing against Choji, this situation was embarrassing enough without an audience.

"I'm right here, you know." Choji interjects between bites, then to says to Shikamaru, "I did ask if it was a date, didn't I? You could have just told me the truth if you didn't want me here."

Shikamaru and Sakura blush bright red and say together, "It's not a date!"

Choji looks even more skeptical after the swift denial, but then says "Shikamaru filled me in about your training, Sakura, and I gotta say, you are so lucky to have him helping you out. He's the smartest guy I know. You'll be back in the game in no time." Choji gushes.

Sakura blanches at the 'back in the game' comment, but she thanks him quietly. Then she shoots a glare at Shikamaru for oversharing and Sakura sees a bashful look on his face telling her he's not comfortable with praise.

"Hey, don't go making promises I can't keep." Shikamaru says, averting his eyes from Sakura's gaze.

Recognizing an opening, Sakura pulls out some pages from her bag. "I brought those changes with me. I met with everyone today, and they're all on board."

Shikamaru scans the top page, arms crossed and not bothering to take them from her hands.

They'd agreed on getting a genjutsu mentor and someone to help with speed training. The general strategy focused on enhancing her current skill set. The base defense and evasion techniques she'd learned from Tsunade were solid but could be rounded out with the additional speed training. When Sakura did have to go on the offense, Shikamaru had explained, she needed more options than just punching her way out. That's where genjutsu came into play.

They'd selected Kurenai for genjutsu and, after a lot of back and forth, Rock Lee for speed training. When she'd gone to meet Lee to ask for his help, he'd been training with Team Gai. Much to her utter mortification, one word to Gai and she was suddenly worked into their training schedule. Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 6 am. Oh joy. That left Tuesdays and Thursdays for her training with Kurenai.

To top it off, she'd get strategic lessons from Shikamaru in the afternoons. She'd been surprised when he had volunteered to meet daily but didn't argue. He didn't give details on the training no matter how much she pressed, but she had a feeling this was just an elaborate ruse to give him several hours a day to watch clouds while she worked her ass off. After having to join Gai's team, an afternoon of cloud watching sounded just fine to her. If she played her cards right, Shikamaru might not even notice if she snuck a nap in too.

"Looks fine," Shikamaru says a little too quickly for Sakura to believe he had actually read a single word.

"Did you even read it?" Sakura presses.

"Ah," he lies, leaning back.

"Shikamaru can speed read. He's like a super genius." Choji defends before waving down the waitress, "Another order of beef ribs, please!"

"Geeze, why did I even bother coming if you were just going to okay everything without reading it anyway?" She mumbles to herself, shoving the papers back in her bag. "If that's all, I'm just going to get going then." She pulls her wallet out to pay him for his meal. A promise was a promise.

"You're already here. Might as well stay and grab a bite," Shikamaru says casually. He's still not looking her in the eye. She doesn't miss the curious glance Choji shoots Shikamaru. It's gone in a moment, as the waitress brings Choji's order of Beef Ribs.

"Yeah, Sakura! You have to stay. They have the best Beef Ribs in the village." Choji insists.

She looks at Shikamaru one more time, trying to gauge a reaction but his face is carefully blank. Well, she might as well enjoy the meal she's paying for. And it did smell heavenly.

"Okay fine," She assents, and Shikamaru's posture softens slightly. The waitress takes her order, and as Shikamaru hands her the menus, his shoulder brushes against Sakura's. The booths are small, and the grill added to the heat. She slides a little farther to the edge of the booth feeling crowded.

There's a terrifying moment of silence. Despite popular opinion, Sakura was no good at small talk. She was scrambling for something to say when she hears in a sing-song tone, "Oh, Forehead!"

Ino is waving and headed over to the table. Great. Shikamaru is grumbling something under his breath too. The sentiment is shared it seems.

"Ino, over here!" Choji waves her over. He's about to move over for her to sit, but she slings and arm around him and leans into his shoulder.

"Hey, Choji. Didn't see you there," She says breezily. Choji preens under the attention. Interesting. She glances at Shikamaru looking for confirmation that the fondness she was seeing from Choji was correct. His eyes are narrowed on Ino, and his expression is just sour enough. He crosses his arms and the action has his arm pressing against hers again in the small booth.

"Don't you guys look chummy," Ino says to a little too sweetly to Sakura, "You're not trying to steal my team away are you?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question, Ino-pig?" Sakura returns, referring to Ino joining the last Team 7 mission. Ino just giggles.

"Shikamaru's mentoring her. They came to figure out the details," Choji explains, and Sakura wishes he hadn't.

"Over dinner? That doesn't seem like you, Shikamaru" Ino questions.

Just when she thinks this can't get any more humiliating, Choji responds, "They already said it wasn't a date. That's why I'm here."

Ino's glancing between them, eyes lingering on their arms pressed together. Sakura's bright red again, leaning away as far as she can in the small booth.

Ino belts out a laugh, "Of course not! Can you imagine? Shikamaru would never go for a girl like Sakura."

Even though she has no interest in him, Sakura's still put off by the blatant refusal. What did she mean 'a girl like Sakura' anyway? She was about to ask but stops herself, afraid that it would be misconstrued as genuine interest in Shikamaru.

Surprisingly its Choji that comes to the rescue, "What's wrong with Sakura? She's nice and almost as smart as Shikamaru."

Normally Ino wasn't cruel for the sake of it, and they had come quite a way from fighting over Sasuke. So, what was her problem? Sakura glanced between the three teammates, trying to gauge the strange dynamic.

"I guess so," Ino say, "But Shikamaru likes blondes, remember?" She twists a lock of her platinum blonde hair as she says it, and Sakura doesn't miss the gesture. Maybe she was jealous. Maybe Ino and Shikamaru had some history she didn't know about.

"Plus Sakura only has eyes for Sasuke." Ino reminds them.

"I'm over him, Ino." The words are out of Sakura's mouth be fore she can stop them. There's a tense moment of silence.

"Really?" Choji asks, eyebrows high and sitting up a little in his seat.

"Since when?" Ino challenges.

"For a while now, not that it's any of your business" Sakura grumbles, shrinking under the scrutiny of all three of them.

"Well, then, maybe there _is_ a chance." Ino says glancing between Sakura and Shikamaru before saying, "They would have the smartest babies _ever_ , wouldn't they Choji?" Sakura doesn't think Ino notices, but as Ino leans in, her breasts press into Choji's shoulder and he goes bright red.

"Enough Ino, we get it." Shikamaru says, finally speaking up. He only looks slightly annoyed, but his clenched fist under the table gives away that he's suppressing stronger emotions to Sakura.

"Alright then," Ino's smile drops to a pout and she pulls away from Choji, "I can tell when I'm not wanted," Ino says, vying for sympathy. Choji bites right away.

"He didn't mean it like that," Choji insists, "Eat dinner with us. We're just getting started."

Ino continues to look put off, but her mouth twitches up under the reassurance. "Thanks, but I'm actually here with Sai."

Choji deflates, "You're here on a date?"

Ino brushes off the comment. "I'm not really into labels," she lies, probably meaning he hasn't said one way or another. Knowing Sai and how socially ignorant he was, Sakura doubted he even knew Ino was hitting on him at all. "But we'll see where it ends up afterward." Ino finishes suggestively winking at Sakura before flitting away.

The atmosphere is heavy in her absence. Choji is picking at the food on his plate, sighing heavily, and Shikamaru watches with a frown.

"Hey," Shikamaru says to Choji, "Let's get another round."

Sakura get's the feeling this is the best way to cheer Choji up, but is surprised when he says, "I'm not that hungry anymore."

Shikamaru's fist clenches harder under the table.

"Come on, my treat. Whatever you want." Shikamaru insists. The waitress arrives with Sakura's order just then.

"Really?" Choji perks up, "Even the deluxe meal?"

"I'd be offended if you got anything less," Shikamaru jokes.

"You heard the man!" Choji shouts to the waitress, "One deluxe meal on him!"

As the waitress backs away with a strained smile, Sakura studies Shikamaru from the corner of her eye. He relaxes at his friend's spirits returning. He was a good friend, and Sakura felt a wave of respect for him.

Shikamaru must feel her gaze. His eyes slide to hers and although her first reaction is to quickly look away, she doesn't back down, silently asking a thousand questions. Shikamaru lets out a huff that seems to say, 'don't ask'.

"Hey, Sakura, are you gonna eat that?" Choji interrupts the moment and Sakura is shooing him from her plate.

She'd corner him later. They did have plenty of time after all.

* * *

After her encounter with Ino telling her Team 7 and consequently Kakashi is back in the village, Sakura is reminded of her final assignment to research Sharingan restoration. She's finally home for the night and decides to study up on her anatomy and physiology for an hour or so in preparation. Tomorrow, she'd find Kakashi and schedule a standing appointment.

She pulls the Ophthalmology Textbook from shelf and settles into her couch, notebook on the cushion next to her. A few pages in, she finds a folded piece of paper and remembers she's hidden the notes from Itachi's room in this book.

She unfolds it. It's the one with a clumsy drawing of an Uchiha male throwing shuriken at a training post. Flipping it over, she's looking for a response from Itachi. There in the same blocky letters as before is written _'LESS DRAWING, MORE TRAINING. - I'_

Sakura can't keep the smile from her face. Looking through the rest of the notes, she sees most of them have responses written on the back. The final one makes her pause.

Sasuke's writing on the front says ' _Happy birthday, older brother. Love you.'_ On the back, Itachi has written. _'Love you too, little brother. Always – I'_

It's the 'always' that makes her heart skip a beat.

Who was this man? Did he really go from passing notes with his little brother one day to killing his entire family the next.

She's digging through her bag, looking for her copy of Itachi's file before she realizes. Curiosity is digging into her.

A psychological evaluation is needed for admission into Jonin and ANBU rank. Both should be included in his file here.

The Jonin evaluation is normal. No issues, no narcissism or borderline personality disorder which would be expected from social deviants. She can't remember how old he was when he was admitted to Jonin, so she searches for the report of his promotion.

10 years old. So young to be killing. He made ANBU at 13, as a _captain._ She was doing her hair and chasing after boys at that age, not leading assassinations. Of course, he cracked under the pressure. He was a child. The Hokage should have known better than to put a child in that situation. It was practically his fault the massacre even happened.

The thought was in her head before she could stop it. Spoken in the wrong place, a thought like that could have her in jail for terrorism of some sort.

But it was true.

He was just a child when the massacre happened.

She flipped to his stats at 13 years old. They were on par with what was expected from an ANBU captain, but not quite as high as she expected. He'd have to be stronger than the Hokage to be able to single-handedly eliminate all of his clan in one night.

How was it even possible? How large was the clan at that time again?

A yawn hit her. She was probably just being paranoid. It had been a long day, she was beat and letting her imagination run away with her. Still…

This week she'd run the numbers and put her mind at ease.

But for how, she'd better get to bed. 6 am was going to come way too fast.

* * *

Sakura had never been a morning person. She worked 3rd shift at the hospital for a reason. So, as she jogged next to Tenten, only halfway through her 10k 'warm up run of youth', she wondered what she had done in a past life that was so terrible to be stuck in this personal hell.

"How the hell do you do this every other day?" She pants to Tenten.

"I'd like to say you get used to it," Tenten responds. She's not quite as out of breath as Sakura, "But you never do."

Sakura groaned, which turned into a cough. Her throat was dry, and her lungs burned. They'd lost sight of Neji and Lee at the 2nd kilometer mark, and she half wondered if Tenten was only with her now because she was too nice to let Sakura fall behind.

After they finished, Sakura was ready to keel over. Neji looked ruffled at the worst, while Lee and Gai had been doing one-handed pushups until the girls had finished. Where did they get the stamina?

She thinks of Shikamaru referring to her having one skill that's so much higher than the rest and realizes that applies quite literally to Lee too.

The remainder of the practice is sparring. Again, Tenten took pity on her and volunteered to partner with Sakura. She was way slower than normal in her fatigue but was able to dodge everything the weapons specialist threw at her.

Lee and Gai showered her with motivational nonsense while Neji's pearl eyes were cold with judgement. She wasn't sure which she found more annoying.

By the time she dragged herself to the Nara forest to meet Shikamaru, she was hoping he'd just have forgotten about her so she could go home and take an ice bath.

Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky.

He was lying back in the shade of a large maple tree, gazing up at the puffy white clouds drifting by. A shogi board was set up beside him.

When he notices her hobbling over, he smirks and says, "You look like you got hit by a train."

She lets out an indignant 'hmph' and eases down across on the other side of the shogi board. "You get one free pass, Shikamaru, and that was it. Say another word about it and I'll punch you through that tree."

"Point taken," He grumbles. "Here, read this." He says, flinging a small blue book at her.

"Shogi for Dummies?" She reads from the front cover. "Playing _shogi_ is supposed to be my tactical training?"

"You get one free pass," Shikamaru says ironically, "And that was it."

Despite herself, Sakura lets out a laugh.

"You get 10 minutes, then we start." Shikamaru instructs.

She skims through the book. The basics of shogi, she already understands. Her grandfather had taught her to play, but as she became a preteen, she realized only old men played the game and quickly lost interest. She supposed she was wrong though. Only old men and Shikamaru. There were some interesting plays toward the end of the book that she found rather helpful though.

Just when she was sure Shikamaru had fallen asleep, he says, "Times up," and sits himself in front of the board, setting up the pieces.

She thinks this will be easy, relaxing even, but within 5 minutes of playing, she realizes she's very wrong.

He's ruthless, always 10 steps ahead and while Sakura takes minutes to select her move, Shikamaru only seems to need seconds. From the start, she's running, trying to protect every piece. Shikamaru seems to be only half paying attention. She manages to set up her board in one of the configurations she remembers from the book, Mino castle. Only about 3 or 4 offensive moves remain in her memory once play starts, but she's determined to use one and take at least one of his pieces.

Finally, she sees an opening, and while she's quite sure it's a trap, she moves in anyway.

Yes! One piece in her hand.

Shikamaru isn't the least bit shaken. With the flick of his wrist, a bishop in the lower corner is gone. Shoot.

As the game goes on, Shikamaru seems to lose more and more interest while Sakura's intensifies. She may not have a chance of winning, but like hell she was going to go down without a fight.

She sets a trap of her own, throwing out all the remaining strategies from her memory. It works, and she's rewarded with what looks dangerously close to a scowl from Shikamaru.

She's slowly chipping away at his pieces, though he still has a massive lead, but each one taken is a small victory to Sakura.

Unsurprisingly, he wins, but about half of his pieces are eliminated from play and Sakura is quite proud of that.

"Hmm, interesting," He is all he says, resetting the pieces.

"That's all you have to say?" Sakura says defensively. Was that good, bad? Did he think she'd be better?

"Again," is all he answers.

"Wait, you're not going to tell me how I did?" She demands.

"I'm still deciding," He says cryptically.

She's angry now, and a competitive fire burns in her to prove she's not a total lost cause here.

This time, she isn't trying to get his pieces at all. Just trying to keep every single one of hers. One word rings through her head. Protect.

His face doesn't change. Its cool and calculating, giving away no hints as to what he's thinking. But he has yet to take a piece from her.

Then, a mistake, she thinks as he moves a piece in the path of her knight. Sakura checks, then double checks. There's nothing waiting in the shadows to take her knight if she captures his bishop. She hesitates. Shikamaru doesn't make mistakes. He sets traps.

Sakura doesn't take the bait, instead moving to fortify her defenses.

Shikamaru frowns, the first show of emotion. He doesn't move the piece out of danger for the next 3 turns until finally he gives up on the play.

This game is much longer than the first, and the longer they play the more pronounced Shikamaru's frown is. She loses, badly, but the expression on Shikamaru's face is her victory this time.

"What exactly was your strategy that time?" Shikamaru asks.

"To annoy you," She answers lightly.

"Objective achieved," He grumbles. He doesn't reset the pieces this time. He's just staring at her, and she can see the gears turning in his head.

"Why didn't you take it?" He asks. When she doesn't understand, he adds, "my bishop."

"It looked like a mistake," She answers.

"And you didn't want to take advantage of my mistake?" He asks, brown eyes steady on hers.

"You don't make mistakes." She provides, keeping her answers as short and cryptic as his.

At this he snorts. Sakura glares at him, sensing it was at her expense.

"I appreciate the confidence, but I assure you I do." He responds.

"Not like that," Sakura insists. "It was too easy. You wanted me to take that piece and I wasn't about to do anything you wanted me to do."

His eyes glint at that. "Interesting."

"I hate it when you say that." She confesses.

He just begins resetting the pieces again.

"How many times are we going to play this game?" She asks annoyed.

"Until I learn what I need to and until you start taking this more seriously." Shikamaru answers. She glares back.

"Just because I'm bad, doesn't mean I'm not taking it seriously." She argues.

"I don't remember saying you were bad." He says, taking the first move.

"I believe it was the lack of feedback at all that gave you away, _Shikamaru-sensei._ " She says sarcastically.

"Please don't call me that," He groans. "And stop assuming that just because someone doesn't tell you you're good at something that you're not."

Sakura's eyebrows shoot up. "Excuse me?"

"You're move," He says, ignoring the question.

"No. I'm not playing until you tell me what the hell that's supposed to mean." She demands.

Shikamaru sighs heavily. "It means exactly what I said."

"You're talking down to me," She huffs, crossing her arms.

"I'm not," He insists. "Just forget about it, okay?"

"No, I won't" She stands up, "I'm not going to sit here, let you toy with me and just take your insults."

"It wasn't an insult. You're doing well," He admits, "Better than I expected, but I shouldn't have to tell you that for you to know it."

"I can't read your mind, Shikamaru, so how else am I supposed to know?"

"That's my point. You shouldn't need to know at all." Shikamaru reiterates. "Why is it so important what other people think?"

"You're evaluating me. That should be obvious." She huffs. "I can't get better unless you tell me how."

"I'm not just going to give you the answers, Sakura." Shikamaru says, "You have to look at yourself objectively and decide for yourself for once."

"Bullshit." She hisses, "You're supposed to be helping me and you want me to do everything on my own."

"No, I want you to help yourself and do what _you_ want for a change," Shikamaru says. "I'll be here beside you every step of the way, but I won't lead. You have to do that on your own."

"Save your philosophical bullshit, Shikamaru." Sakura says.

"Calm down," He tries, standing up, which is never the right thing to say in a situation like this. "I'm just trying to give you what you want."

"You have no idea who I am or what I want." She spits back.

She is storming off, but he grabs her arm, stopping her.

"I understand you more than you think. You said you wanted to be equals with them, right? With Naruto and Sasuke? Then start treating yourself like an equal and stop expecting someone to swoop in with all the answers to your problems." Shikamaru levels at her.

Her eyes are tearing up. "Fuck. You." She whispers and pulls her arm from his grasp. Like hell he's going to see her cry, because each word has cut her so, so deep. She feels pathetic, but it's so much easier to hate him than to hate herself.

* * *

She's in a terrible mood the rest of the day, and if her muscles weren't jelly from this morning, she'd be taking her frustrations out on a training field.

Instead, she's forced to go find Kakashi, and he's almost impossible to find without wanting to be. She's about to give up when she sees a flash of silver out of the corner of her eye.

He's standing in front of the memorial stone, hands in his pockets, shoulders sagging in a familiar way.

"Sensei?" She calls.

"Yo," he says but doesn't turn.

"I need to talk to you about the Sharingan research." She cuts to the chase, not in the mood for small talk. Plus, she's still pretty upset at him for not speaking up for her at the Hokage's office.

"Nice to see you too." He says cheerily. "I did make it back safe from my mission, thanks for asking."

"Not in the mood, Sensei." She grumbles.

"I can see that." He says evenly. Finally, he turns toward her. "Well, talk away."

She glares at him coolly, then says, "I'll need to see you once a week, sometimes more. I'm still doing research, but I'll be doing some diagnostic work on you first. Nothing that will be a danger to your sight."

"Good to know I won't be going blind on a whim." He says thoughtfully.

"What do you mean? Are you not okay with this research, Sensei?" Sakura inquires, "If you aren't comfortable with me going through with this, we can talk to Tsunade. I'm sure she'd understand."

"Unfortunately, she doesn't have much choice in the matter." He responds with a shrug. "Sometimes the Hokage has to pick her battles with the council, and this was one of those times."

"This wasn't her decision?" Sakura furthers.

"No, it was Danzo's. I don't trust a word that comes out of his mouth, and if this was his idea, he's sure to have some ulterior motive. He'd do anything to get his agenda accomplished and with the power his amassed with ANBU Root behind him, we have to be on our guard," Kakashi explains soberly.

Sakura's heart stops. "What exactly is his agenda?"

He lets out a long breath, "We don't fully know yet, but we suspect he's after the Hokage's seat. He doesn't agree with the ideals of the current regime, that much we do know. Past that, he keeps everything close to the chest, and his agents all have the Cursed Tongue Eradication Seal, making it impossible for them to give up any information against him."

Sakura is reeling with this new information. She feels stuck in a spider's web, suddenly under such scrutiny from someone very dangerous.

"We don't have to do this, sensei. I can just tell them it's not possible and make up some fake research." Sakura offers.

"No, they'd know the difference. We need to go forward with it." He says with an air of finality, "I trust you to do a great job and I trust the Hokage's decision. This will only benefit me if you're successful, and I have every faith in your medical skills. Its whatever Danzo is planning that has me hesitating. Things are rarely straight forward with him."

Sakura chest is light from the compliment. He believes in her after all.

_Stop assuming that just because someone doesn't tell you you're good at something that you're not._

The memory of Shikamaru's words in her head have her mood souring instantly.

"I'm free Saturdays." Kakashi says.

"What?" She asks, distracted.

"For your check-ups. I'm free Saturdays. Is noon okay?" He clarifies.

"If I say yes, will you show up at 3?" She asks suspiciously.

"Am I that predictable?" He asks, eyes squinting in a smile. She just huffs in response. "You were a lot nicer as a genin." He whines.

"That was before I knew better, Sensei." She responds.

"Speaking of knowing better," He begins innocently, "You could have warned me first before joining my rival's team practices you know. I got an hour-long lecture on fostering youthful students from Gai today. Had to fake a medical emergency to get out of it."

Sakura chuckles at the mental picture. "You probably just wanted an excuse to visit Kurenai-sensei in the hospital.

Kakashi tenses slightly, and if she hadn't been his student for years, she would have missed it.

"Maybe that's true." He says noncommittally. "Thank you for your part in saving her life, by the way." He says suddenly somber. He glances back at the memorial stone.

"It's my job, Sensei." She says gently. "And I'm actually rather good at it."

"I know." He affirms. There are a few beats of silence. The familiar back and forth has her relaxing slightly. Kakashi was safe. He was family in a way. A memory flashes in her mind of him turning to her, Naruto and Sasuke, thumbs up and eye crinkling goofy smile in place as he promises to protect them with his life. Sakura softens.

"She's going to be teaching me genjutsu after she is released." She offers. "I'm really looking forward to it."

"I think that's a smart move. She's a smart lady and very talented in that field," He praises. Sakura smiles.

"It works out really well for us both. I get to train, and she still gets to work while she prepares for the baby." She explains.

Its only after Kakashi freezes and echoes a surprised, "Baby?" that Sakura realizes she's made a mistake.

She's rushing up to him, hand on his arm a moment later. "Shoot, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that. Please keep this a secret, Sensei. She hasn't had a chance to tell the father yet."

Kakashi looks pale. "Did she say who's it is?" He asks.

"I wasn't exactly in a position to ask that. The only reason I knew in the first place was because it was medically relevant." Sakura snaps. "Promise you won't say anything, Sensei."

When he doesn't answer, she shakes his arm and repeats with more force, "Promise me."

He snaps out of his dazed expression and meets her gaze. "I promise, Sakura."

"Thank you," She says relieved.

"I have to go," He says suddenly, "I just remembered my neighbor needs me to walk her cat." Not even bothering to make up a new or believable excuse.

Before she can yell 'liar' like old times, he's poofed away, and Sakura has a sinking feeling she's just caused some irreparable damage that would come back to bite her.

Kakashi's praise of her skills has her off to the library to start researching for him, although Shikamaru's order is in the back of her mind the whole time. Now that he's pointed it out, she can't unsee all the ways that it's true.

It was like the time Ino told her she thought Asuma had a great ass, and now every time she saw him it was the first thing she notices. Only this is so much worse than feeling guilty for having inappropriate thoughts about her superior, because it is the very core of herself and her basic motivations that had her stomach dropping.

She feels pathetic and instead of being angry with herself, it's so much easier to be angry at Shikamaru.

The restricted section of the library was easy for her to get into, and because of her status as the Hokage's apprentice, the two chunnin standing guard don't even ask for an ID. Sakura had spent many hours here bent over medical textbooks, and its only after one chunnin asks where she's been for the past few months that she realizes how long it's really been.

She doesn't have to look up where the section of materials on treating kekkei genkai are. Every section is cemented in her brain. She makes her way there, searching for titles on the Sharingan.

Weird, she thinks. There's nothing here. Books on Byakugan and even Renningan are included in the section and were marked with bright green tags that say 'Confidential – internal use only'.

She looks in the general ophthalmology section and comes up empty as well.

This was ridiculous. How was she supposed to research something that had no materials documented? Even the Hyuuga clan, who where so secretive about their Byakugan, had materials for the medical community to study. At one time, there had been hundreds of Uchiha in the village, less than 10 years ago in fact, and yet there was not a single textbook on Sharingan diagnostics available.

Sakura tries one more section, the general history section, scouring through the information on clans. Every one was accounted for except the Uchiha's.

Her first thought was to ask Tsunade herself, but Tsunade was the only person with enough power to approve the removal of materials from this section of the library. She couldn't think of a single reason why that would be necessary. Something wasn't right. Could it be Tsunade's doing or even Danzo?

She didn't trust either of them enough right now to ask outright. There were other places she could check first anyway before she overreacted.

She remembered the Hokage's private archives, where the most sensitive information is kept. That would be a place she'd have to check when she had time.

Her mind also wandered back to the file in her house and the notes she retrieved from the Uchiha Compound, now more valuable than she ever imagined. There could be more in the compound. She'd have to go back there eventually as well.

She checked the clock and let out a groan. This trip had taken longer than she'd planned, and she had training again early in the morning.

The documents could wait. They weren't going anywhere.

* * *

In her rush to the library, Sakura had skipped dinner and now she was regretting it.

She ducked into her favorite take-out place, before immediately turning to leave. Sitting at the bar was Choji and Shikamaru. She hopes to slip away unnoticed, but a bell rings rang as she opens the door, giving her away. They've spotted her.

"Now's your chance. Go talk to her, Shikamaru." Choji urged his friend, but Shikamaru just mumbles something she can't hear and turns back his back to her. She a few paces outside the restaurant when Choji catches up to her.

"Wait!" He calls. She doesn't stop.

"Shikamaru told me what happened." He huffs, keeping pace with her.

"Did he, now?" She says incredulously. She's sure Shikamaru had told him some version of the events, but she doubted they aligned with her own.

"He said he screwed it all up," Choji explained. She stopped walking at this. That much was true.

"Why can't he tell me that himself instead of sending you out here to say it for him?" She challenges.

"He didn't send me. I came here on my own because he's my best friend and that's what best friends do," Choji answers sincerely.

Sakura is reminded of the moment in the BBQ restaurant when Shikamaru so swiftly cheered Choji up after what Sakura suspected was Ino carelessly hurting Choji's feelings. She'd been so impressed with Shikamaru for his kindness and loyalty at the time. But now was a different story.

"You don't know Shikamaru that well, but I do," Choji starts. "He's not very good at talking with people, especially girls. He has a really hard time not offending them, but that's only because he's willing to tell them the truth, even when it's not something they want to hear."

Sakura blushes a bit, because that seems to track with what she had already been thinking earlier today. He hadn't been wrong about her, and she was reminded of that with every interaction she'd had afterward. But she was so angry still, and afraid to turn that anger inward on herself.

"He cares about you, and he wants to help. Just give him another chance. I'm not saying he won't screw up again, but don't give up on him, Sakura, because he is trying his best." Choji finishes.

 _Don't give up._ There were those words again from Itachi's note ringing in her ears. She dips a hand into her pocket and feels the page where the words are pressed into the paper.

Sakura sighs, deciding to give Shikamaru a chance or at least meet him halfway. After all, if Shikamaru was able to keep a friend as kind-hearted as Choji around, he couldn't be all that bad.

"Tell him I'll cut him a break," She says finally, hoping Shikamaru will recognize the words from when they spoke the first time in Office 2-C. "If he apologizes to me and promises to never repeat what he said to another soul, I'll forget this ever happened." She was careful not to say 'forgive' because that was something she wasn't ready for just yet.

Choji lights up, "You won't regret this Sakura! Thank you."

"He's lucky to have you, Choji." She says to him with a smile. Despite his quirks, Choji was really growing on her.

* * *

The prospect of reconciliation has her step lighter than it has been all day as she heads back to her apartment, food in hand.

She's halfway up the steps to her floor when she senses a presence in her unit that shouldn't be there. Sprinting the rest of the flight, she's shoving her key into the lock and flinging the door open as fast as she can.

Papers are scattered everywhere, books torn from the shelf and tossed across the room.

She sees a flash of black just outside her living room window and is there in a second, climbing out after the intruder.

Chakra sticking the soles of her feet to the side of the building, she whips her head around, searching for a retreating figure in black. But there's no one there. They've vanished without a trace.

She swears, heart pounding as she swings back into her apartment. It's trashed.

Pages from her, Kakashi and Naruto's files are all mixed on the floor, but its what's missing that has her heart pounding in her chest. She digs and digs, growing more frantic by the second. Nowhere. They were nowhere.

Sasuke and Itachi's files and the remaining notes from the compound were all gone.


	4. While You Weren't Looking

**Done with Love – Chapter 3**

While You Weren't Looking

* * *

_Report #23_

_Agent 399_

_Retrieval and Elimination Protocol: Completed, Primary Objective Achieved._

_Deterrent Measure: In-progress_

_Residence was left in disarray as instructed in Phase 1 of additional protocol requested by command in Re: Report #22. Subject exhibits expected signs of acute distress and has fled the premises. Initial observations indicate scare tactic deterrent measures are effective and appropriate._

_Phase 2 underway._

* * *

She's running out the door, tears streaming down her face.

She should be stronger than this, she knows it, but someone has just violated the sense of safety of her own home.

She's knocking on the door of the shabby apartment, breath coming in ragged gasps. Some buried instinct has brought her here, and as his silver head pokes out the door, she realizes it's the fact that Kakashi promised to protect her with his life. Always.

"Sakura," He says surprised, "Now isn't really a good time."

But she lets out another ragged, wet breath and he's opening the door wider. He's wearing dark sweatpants and a cotton tee shirt, probably ready for bed.

"What happened?" He asks, concerned and scanning her head to toe.

"Someone - Someone broke into my apartment." She shudders, hugging herself tightly, and begs "Please, sensei, can I stay here tonight? I-I don't feel safe."

"Kakashi?" A woman calls from inside.

"Oh," Sakura is struck by surprise. She'd never really pictured Kakashi with a girlfriend, or worse yet a _lover._ She's struck by how pathetic she must look showing up at his door in the middle of the night.

"I'm sorry. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have assumed -," Sakura begins, but when the woman that appears behind Kakashi is Kurenai-sensei, Sakura is left speechless.

"Sakura?" She calls, and Sakura isn't sure if the flash of worry in her expression is for Sakura's sake or her own.

"It's okay. Kurenai was just leaving," Kakashi's tone is cool, and a Kurenai casts him a pleading look before slipping out the door. Sakura keeps her head down.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sakura." Kurenai says, pausing to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Whatever happened, it'll be okay. You're in good hands."

Sakura just nods, not meeting Kurenai's eye and embarrassed for interrupting whatever was causing this tension between her and Kakashi. Before she departs, Kurenai gives another cryptic look to Kakashi who remains unmoved.

Kakashi guides Sakura inside to the couch. He pushes aside two mugs of cold tea and a few tissues from the coffee table for him to sit across from her.

She feels like a child, vulnerable and small, and Kakashi's broad frame in front of her has her relaxing. She's safe. Kakashi's here now and he'll protect her.

"Did they hurt you?" He asks gently. Sakura shakes her head. "Did they take anything? Money, documents?"

"Files," She whispers, "They took the copy of Sasuke and Itachi's files I got from the record room. Nothing confidential," She doesn't mention the notes from the compound. She's not sure how to explain them without sounding like an idiot or getting herself in more trouble.

At Kakashi's questioning expression, she adds, "I pulled them to reference for my training."

He nods, not fully sated, reaches for a notepad on the side table next to Sakura and jots down a quick report.

Now that she's said it out loud, she's worried she's overacting. All they took were some papers. They hadn't tried to hurt her.

"I know it probably seems like nothing," She admits, "But after what you said about Danzo, I just - I wondered if he could be behind this somehow, and I got scared."

"It's okay. You did the right thing coming to me." He reassures her, then says, "Danzo being involved is a possibility, but I don't want rule out anyone else yet. Do you have any idea who would want this kind of information? Anyone clue to who else could be behind this?"

Sakura thinks, but beside Danzo, she's not sure. "I don't know. The information in those files was mostly public knowledge. Mission names and other sensitive details were redacted in the copies anyway, so why steal it in the first place? Especially from my apartment instead of the records room. It's likely someone from outside the village or a missing-nin, or they would have just checked out the files themselves."

"True, the records room would be easy to break into after hours. Instead, someone went through the trouble finding you personally. Their motivations are more likely tied to you than the information." Kakashi expands.

Sakura shutters. Someone was after her personally? What Kakashi _doesn't_ know though is she did have information that wasn't public knowledge – the notes. But she had no idea who could want those besides Itachi himself. They are of little value to anyone but the Uchiha brothers. Could it have been Itachi…or Sasuke?

No, Danzo is much more likely, so she reaffirms, "I still feel like Danzo is the only common denominator. Only the files related to Itachi and Sasuke were take and he's already shown interest in me learning about the Sharingan."

Kakashi nods, "We don't fully know is agenda, so its hard to say one way or another. I'm just not sure what he would gain from it."

Sakura nods, hugging herself again. Kakashi finishes his note, then weaves handsigns to summon Pakkun.

"Bring this to the Hokage. I want it put directly in her hands, understand?" Kakashi instructs. Pakkun barks a quick 'yes, sir' and is off.

"You'll stay here tonight," Kakashi instructs. He gets up and pulls a pillow and a thin blanket from a closet in the hall. "Tomorrow we'll put a sealing jutsu on your apartment windows. I'll send a ninken to stay overnight until we figure this out. If they try to come back, I'll be alerted right away. Okay?"

Sakura sags with relief, "Okay."

Kakashi turns to her and gives her the same eye crinkling smile as when she was a genin and it makes her feel like that little girl again who he swore to protect.

_Stop expecting someone to swoop in with all the answers to your problems._

As she remembers Shikamaru's words again, she feels a stab of shame for needing Kakashi at all. She wasn't a genin anymore and she wasn't his student. She shouldn't need him, but when the moment came to step up on her own, she was running back again.

"Keep this between us until we get to the bottom of this." He instructs further.

"I will. Thank you, Sensei." She says in a small voice.

His smile is back but isn't as comforting as usual. It's tainted with the feeling that somehow, she's failed another test she didn't know she was taking.

* * *

She can't face Kakashi in the morning. The feeling of failure has festered overnight. She had barely gotten a moments rest, jumping at every shifting shadow. Daylight is a relief, and she's slipping out the front door as soon as the sun peaks over the horizon.

The weight of the remaining notes in her pocket is always disappearing, so she's taken to clutching them in her fist to remind her they are there. When she's discovered the note with 'I LOVE YOU. ALWAYS' penned on the back, she'd kept it along with 'DON'T GIVE UP' on a whim and was so thankful she had. They were the only proof she had that night hadn't been just a dream.

Although she dreads it, she must go back to her apartment for a change of clothes. She slips through the window of her bedroom, not ready to face the mess waiting for her past the front door. It's the shortest Sakura has ever gotten ready in her life, including the time she'd been late to first meet Shikamaru.

Even though Kakashi had promised to take care of it, she purchases the protective seals for her apartment windows, trying to shake this feeling of uselessness. On her way out, she finds a necklace for sale, just a silver chain with a cylinder smaller than her pinky finger but big enough to fit her notes if she rolls them. She buys that too. It's too masculine, the cylinder a gun-metal grey, but its waterproof and tucked under her shirt, the cool metal against her skin will be a constant reminder the notes are with her.

As she leaves the shop, she can't shake the feeling that there's someone watching her. There's a constant tingle at the back of her neck, hairs on end. It's just paranoia, she tells herself, but its strong enough that she slips into a public toilet to transfer the notes into the necklace. If someone was after them, she wanted them hidden well.

Finally, she's making her way to the training grounds to meet Kurenai-sensei. Yesterday she was buzzing with nervous anticipation, but last night has thrown a bucket of cold water on her excitement. Again, she feels the sting of embarrassment for imposing on Kurenai and Kakashi and at having been seen looking like a little genin again. She really wanted to be taken seriously, and she wasn't off to a good start.

By the time she reaches the training grounds, her nerves are shot, and she feels drained. Kurenai is there already, speaking fondly with Asuma-sensei. They don't see her approach, too caught up in each other. Asuma's hands ghost down Kurenai's arms and he flashes a devilish grin before sweeping down for lingering kiss.

Sakura freezes, obviously intruding on something she shouldn't have. He's leaning in again when Sakura thinks to scuff her foot across the ground, alerting them to her presence. Asuma steps back to a respectable distance, trying to look casual. Something about the gesture reminds her of Shikamaru at the BBQ restaurant when he asked her to stay – face placid but shoulders too stiff to truly match.

"Hey, kid. Heard about your training," Asuma says in way of greeting. "Take it easy on my boy, Shikamaru, okay? He's a little rough around the edges, but he's a good kid."

If she wasn't so anxious, Sakura would have taking the opportunity to tease Shikamaru a bit, but instead she gives a strained smile and awkward chuckle. Kurenai just shakes her head at him, then turns back to Sakura.

"Don't listen to him, Sakura. A guy like Shikamaru needs to be kept in line, so don't let up for one second!" Kurenai-sensei says playfully.

"I already have plenty of experience with that, Sensei." Sakura says, referencing her team.

"I suppose Naruto's probably a handful." Assuma laughs.

"Kakashi too, poor thing." Kurenai adds, with a soft smile.

Sakura sees her opportunity and takes it.

"Kurenai-sensei, about last night," An apology is tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop it, "I'm so sorry for intruding on you and Kakashi-sensei so late. I feel terrible for interrupting."

Sakura doesn't think about how her words must sound to Asuma until she notices him stiffen, frowning at Kurenai.

Kurenai is careful not to look at him, "Nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't anything important."

That has to be a lie. The tissues on the table and cryptic looks between them, she didn't make those up, but Sakura is eager to put this business behind her, so she doesn't challenge.

"I better get going. See you tonight?" Asuma asks Kurenai, trying to communicate something more with his gaze.

She briefly meets his it and says with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, "Of course."

As Asuma passes Sakura, he murmurs with a wink, "Careful, she's tougher than she looks."

Sakura returns his mischievous smile, which seems to be contagious. She feels much lighter now that everything's been settled.

"I have your reading list," Kurenai says pulling out a slip of paper. Sakura takes it from her, meeting her red gaze.

That's when she feels it.

Its faint, fainter than she's felt before, but its there. A crackling at the base of her skull, like static electricity, shoots down her spine raising the hair on her arms. Genjutsu.

She modulates her chakra and by the time Kurenai has released the paper, she's free.

"Impressive." Kurenai says. "You broke out quickly."

Sakura smiles at the praise.

"During this training, you should always be on your guard. I won't tell you when I've cast a genjutsu. You'll have to deduce it for yourself." Kurenai explains.

Sakura nods, feeling more alert.

"It won't always be that obvious," Kurenai says, with a smile that makes her think she might have missed something already.

"Understood," Sakura says, searching again for loose threads in reality.

"Tell me, Sakura, when you think about genjutsu, what comes to mind?" Kurenai asks.

"Fear," Sakura replies without hesitation, "and pain. Genjutsu is about distracting or incapacitating your opponent using fear inducing visions and sometimes even painful memories."

"You are halfway right," Kurenai says sweetly. "Many limit themselves to fear and pain when it comes to genjutsu. It's a powerful tool. When people feel fear, they make mistakes."

Kurenai takes a step toward Sakura and she feels herself relax. Petals float between them on a breeze, bringing a soft fragrance to the air. Kurenai continues to stroll toward her, and Sakura stays rooted to the spot, feeling content to stay there in the warm, sweet breeze. That's when she recognizes the feeling again.

This time it's a merely a gentle pressure, but its at the same spot at the base of her skull as before. The occipital lobe of her brain, she realizes.

A stutter to her chakra network and the pressure is gone, jutsu broken. As if a blanket that's been smothering her instinct to jump back has been ripped away, fear spikes up in her. A kunai is swinging upward toward her face. Sakura twirls out of the way just in time and skids backward putting distance between them.

"Very good," Kurenai says, mostly to herself.

Sakura just narrows her eyes, concentrating on the chakra network swirling in her occipital lobe, the area that she knows processes images from her training with Tsunade. The crisscrossing channels now she feels like a spider web waiting for genjutsu to get stuck to.

"Fear can make people unpredictable but strong. Peace, safety, these feelings make them controllable. You'll find complacency is just more effective." Kurenai finishes. She smiles at Sakura again, that sweet innocent smile. "Don't limit yourself to pain and fear, because beauty can be just as deadly."

Sakura feels the curl of chakra in her mind, and the world explodes in color – rich emerald green trees, sapphire blue sky and gold earth beneath her. She modulates her chakra again and the dull world is back. A movement behind her and Sakura is ducking just in time to avoid a kick to her head. She rolls to the side, again putting distance between them.

Now that she knows where to look, Sakura can feel Kurenai's chakra enter her pupils, travel up her optical nerves and leap through the synapsis of her brain. The moment the genjutsu sinks its teeth into her chakra network, she's ripping the chakra away and it dissolves into a memory.

Kurenai doesn't let up her physical attacks, throwing a handful of shuriken. Again, Kurenai's fingers are in Sakura's mind and she's so focused on breaking the jutsu that her body responds a second two late, shuriken slicing across her cheek.

She has to break it faster, before it sinks in, but each genjutsu Kurenai cases routes to a different location in her mind making it unpredictable. Her medical ninjutsu studies help her decode the intent of each illusion. It's not just visual illusions Kurenai is sending, but smells, sounds and emotional responses. The latter are the hardest because the effect is so immediate, she feels the response before she can break it. A spike of calm or fatigue and she's thrown a beat off, catching a blow to the shoulder or a kunai to the arm.

Kurenai finally disengages, not at all winded, while Sakura is panting.

"I'm very impressed. You might even be better than I was at your age." Kurenai praises.

The rush Sakura feels at the praise is heady, and the spar has her competitive nature flaring up, "I'll surpass you, Sensei. That's a promise."

"Such confidence, and we haven't even started casting yet," Kurenai says with a smirk.

"I won't stop," Sakura pants, "Until I'm the best. That's what I did with medical ninjutsu and that's what I'll do with Genjutsu too."

Kurenai's smirk widens into a genuine smile, "I admire your determination. There was a time when I felt that way too, but there will always be someone with more skill. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better, because overconfidence can cost you your life."

"I don't believe that," She challenges, fist clenched.

"I know from experience, Sakura." Kurenai says, "Sometimes even when you work your hardest, its not enough. For people like you and me, no clan and no kekkei genkai, we will always be at an unsurmountable disadvantage. No matter how good you become at genjutsu, the Sharingan will always be better."

"I'll find a way," Sakura insists, "I'll find a way to be the best even without a Sharingan. I won't accept that I'm less just because of how I was born."

"You remind me so much of myself, before I met Itachi," Kurenai says, "He was my rival, even 10 years my junior, and he truly might be the best genjutsu artist of our lifetime."

Sakura's heartbeat quickens as she remembers her promise to surpass him and feels a mix of determination and fear that she'll never be that good. That she is doomed to fail from the start.

"I won't stop you from trying to be the best, or even convince you not to try. I admire your drive, I really do, but if you ever come face to face with Itachi's Sharingan, you must promise me you'll run. I can tell you this because I've lived it; if you challenge him, you will lose, and I won't have your death on my hands."

Sakura clenches her jaw. If she agrees, she's admitting that at a fundamental level, she'll never be equal to her teammates: Kakashi, Sasuke and even Naruto with his nine-tails chakra. If she disagrees, Kurenai might not train her at all, and she'll be stuck where she's always been looking at her teammate's backs.

"I promise," She lies. "I'll run. I won't challenge him." Either way is a loss, but with this lie, she bought herself a chance. Kurenai stares her down, but Sakura meets her gaze, unflinching. Then, trying to deflect the tense atmosphere, she adds with a smirk, "But that still won't stop me from surpassing you."

"If you're going to throw around claims like that, I expect you to back them up." Kurenai demands, a playful smile on her face.

"Yes, Sensei!" Sakura affirms.

"Then let's see how you feel after casting you're first A-rank Genjutsu" Kurenai approaches her. "The technique I'm going to show you is called Kokuangyo no Jutsu or 'Bringer of Darkness'. Out of the two types of genjutsu, area affect and mind infiltration, this is an area affect type."

"Area affect, as the name implies, spreads across a physical area, affecting multiple targets and lingering over time which is great for setting traps. The jutsu is triggered when the target enters the area the genjutsu has been cast upon. While extremely versatile, this type of jutsu often costs a great deal of chakra and can be less reliable in holding opponents simply because it's more generic. For these reasons, I don't recommend learning many of this type for you. But since you're so intent on proving yourself, I think it's a great place to start." Kurenai says with a smirk, intent on humbling her.

Sakura curses her shallow chakra reserves but nods anyway.

Kurenai's hands cycle through a sequence of signs and Sakura is quick to memorize them.

"Kokuangyo no Jutsu!" Kurenai cries and Sakura's world goes black.

Sakura immediately recognizes the difference between the area affect jutsu and the mental infiltration she'd felt before. Instead of feeling Kurenai's chakra probing her brain with a life of it's own, a passive mist of chakra in the air is filtering though her eyes, disrupting the electrical signals communicating the image back to her brain to be processed.

She tries to feel it all with the clinical indifference her medical training has taught her, but for a terrifying moment, she's back in the pitch-black night outside of her apartment, searching through the darkness for an enemy she can't see. The nothingness of everything around her is pressing in closer and closer, cutting off the air to her lungs. _Not real,_ she reminds herself. She flickers the flow of chakra in her mind, and the world returns.

Kurenai's gaze is quiet and knowing. "Your turn," she states.

Sakura takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Then her hands are running through the signs, instinctually regulating the exact amount of chakra she needs. She releases the breath, spreading a fine mist out across the training field. Ten feet wide, fifteen feet, then twenty.

Kurenai's eyes unfocus for a few seconds, then she blinks and she's back.

It took half her reserves – _half_ – for that single genjutsu and it lasted less than 5 seconds. Her breath is coming even heavier, while Kurenai hasn't broken a sweat.

"Again," Kurenai commands, "But this time, keep your radius smaller, just large enough to reach me."

Sakura nods, running through the hand-signs again. Sliding her eyes shut, she unleashes the jutsu, feeling the area, reaching out the until she feels it brush against Kurenai's form. Sweat is pouring down her neck with the effort to control it. The jutsu is like water and it wants to rush to the edges of the clearing, bleeding out of all her chakra in the process, but she clamps down tight, imagining a valve closing to limit the flow from her.

"Okay, enough." Kurenai calls and Sakura slams the valve in her mind closed. The illusion vanishes. Gasps echo across the field as Sakura tries to catch her breath. She drops to one knee. Reducing the jutsu's radius cut the chakra spent in half. Only about 25% remains.

"At your limit already?" Kurenai asks. Sakura should say yes, but she's got something to prove.

Itachi's voice purrs in her ear, "Don't give up," but it's not the deeper version of Sasuke's voice she's imagined. It's a rich and refined tenor with a smoother quality than Sasuke's. It's his real voice.

Sakura grunts, freeing herself from the genjutsu Kurenai has surprised her with, but she's already flying backward from a kick to her gut. She slams against a tree and her breath is knocked out of her. Kurenai appears in front of her, fist cocked, but Sakura's already flying through the hand-signs. She releases the Kokuangyo no justu just far enough to envelope them both.

Kurenai halts, trapped in total darkness, and Sakura is ducking around her form.

When Kurenai escapes, Sakura is on the other side of the clearing, struggling to remain a standing position. Less than 15% of her chakra remaining, enough to keep her from passing out.

"You'll have to do better than that if you want to surpass me," Sakura hears Itachi's voice murmur, warm breath caressing her ear. It feels so real that she's slashing a kunai to her right through the air. Another genjutsu.

Kurenai's behind her, grabbing the hand with the kunai and kicking out the back of her knees. Sakura crumples to the ground but recovers with a front tuck. Kurenai's forced to release her hand or be pulled along. Sakura springs back again, trying to put as much distance between as possible, but she can still feel breathing on her neck.

"Don't move." She's paralyzed by the sound of Itachi's voice and Kurenai has once again eaten up the distance, throwing punches. Block after block, Sakura is on retreat. She just needs a moment to run through the signs again and she wishes dearly that she could infiltrate Kurenai's mind like she can so easily to do Sakura. Under normal circumstances, one chakra enhanced punch and Sakura would be free, but Kurenai was pregnant. Sakura wouldn't risk harming her child with physical attacks.

Sakura takes a hit to the stomach to buy herself a moment to disengage, and again thrusts Kurenai into the darkness of the Kokuangyo no Jutsu.

She's stumbling backward now, 5% chakra remaining. The edges of her vision are fuzzy and dark, but she refuses to fall to her knees. She won't show how badly she's winded, because she's got so much to prove. She's not weak. She's not _useless._

The time Sakura's bought herself is gone in a blink. She can't afford another.

Kurenai's fist comes down for the final blow. Sakura can't even lift her arms to defend.

A flash of silver and green and her world comes to a stop. Kakashi's back is in front of her, Kurenai's fist halted in his hand.

"I'd appreciate if you didn't knock out my student, Kurenai." He jokes. He's swooped in saved Sakura again, but this time she's annoyed, not relieved.

"You've trained her well, Kakashi" Kurenai returns. He releases her hand.

"Don't sound so surprised." Kakashi says sarcastically. "And you," He turns to Sakura next and says with false hurt in his voice, "Slipping out in the morning. No goodbye? No breakfast? No note? I feel so used."

"And you've never done that to a woman?" Kurenai interjects, a little sharper than expected.

Kakashi's about to respond when Sakura cuts in, "Had to buy the seals before training." She's still breathing hard and her pulse is pounding in her head, but she remembers to be vague enough about the purpose of the seals for her apartment to keep Kurenai in the dark.

"Probably for the best. Unfortunately, I have to break my promise. I just got a solo-mission assignment and I'm scheduled to leave…," He looks down at his wrist at a watch that isn't there. "An hour ago."

"Sensei," Sakura scolds out of habit. The meaning of his words hits at a delay. He won't be able to install the seals or send a ninken. "I understand," she breathes through the spike of panic. "How long is it?"

"Two days, max. You can stay with Naruto if you get desperate," Kakashi says with a thumbs up.

Sakura snorts, "When hell freezes over."

"That's my girl," He says to Sakura, turning to leave, but with his back to them she's not sure who he's addressing when he says, "Be safe. I'll be back soon," before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

* * *

She's so drained and on the verge of chakra exhaustion that she entertains the idea of standing Shikamaru up for their training session, especially after their exchange yesterday. Somehow though, it feels like he wins if she doesn't come. Plus, her only other option is to go home and she's not ready to face that just yet. She's so vulnerable in this state, she wouldn't be able to protect herself if she tried.

To top it off, she knows the next time she sits down, she won't be getting up again for at least an hour. As the saying goes, an object in motion, stays in motion. An object at rest, stays at rest. There's still enough adrenaline in her system from her spar to allow her to put one foot in front of the other, but the fuzziness at the edges of her vision is still present.

With relief, she realizes she's arrived first to the meeting spot. Her legs give out, and she rolls to her back. Only 5% left. Her muscles ache and twitch as if misfiring. There is no energy left in her. She's completely hallowed out, limbs heavy. Effort even to draw breath felt impossible.

"You look worse than when you trained with Gai," Shikamaru calls.

"Not. Another. Word," She grumbles, still unable to sit up.

"Do you need some help?" He offers, and she turns her head to see him approach with the shogi table tucked under his arm.

"Yes please," She says in a small voice, earning a chuckle from him. It kills her pride, but she doesn't have a choice.

He walks over and offers her a hand. She takes it and he peels her off the ground, but her abdominal muscles don't engage and as soon as he lets go, she's falling back again.

"Hey, easy," Shikamaru says, slipping an arm around her back to support her. Her head lulls to his shoulder.

"I'm still mad at you," She reminds him, in case he thinks this act of charity has made them even.

"I know," is all he says softly, then sounding worried, "Should I go get someone?"

"I'm fine. I just need a minute to rest. Just help me over there." She answers and nods to the shogi board. He nods, trusting her judgement for better or worse.

He lifts her up to standing and is supporting most of her weight. They shuffle to where he's set the board and he lowers them down side-by-side to sit against a tree. "You going to tell me what happened?"

"Chakra exhaustion," she says. He withdraws the arm from behind her but doesn't move away just yet. Her head is still heavy on his shoulder, and much to her embarrassment, she doesn't have the energy to lift it. Her only focus is breathing air in and out. Secretly, she's thankful he hasn't left, because if he had, she'd be faceplanting into the dirt.

The breeze feels wonderful and the warmth coming from Shikamaru next to her has her eyes drooping. She's so tired. Shikamaru says something but she misses it.

"Hmm?"

"About before," Shikamaru says quietly, "I'm sorry. I was just trying to help."

"I know," Sakura murmurs. "Choji explained."

Shikamaru lets out a sigh, "He shouldn't have gone after you, the knucklehead."

"He's a…good friend," She says, her words coming harder now. The gentle rise and fall of Shikamaru's breath is rocking her closer and closer to sleep.

"The best," Shikamaru says to himself. His forearms are resting on his bent knees, fingers twirling a ring on his pointer finger she hadn't noticed before.

She's reminded of all the other little things she hadn't noticed before about him. Defending Choji's feelings, knowing just how to cheer him up, the tactful honesty in his advice, and even giving her a shoulder to lean on with no complaint. He really is just trying to help. Through the aloof exterior, she's starting to see glimpses of the nice guy Choji believed in.

"You were right," She admits, "About everything. I just didn't want to listen to the truth."

"So were you," He says, turning his head to look down at her. His cheek brushes the top of her head. "I should have been more open about what I was thinking."

Sakura hums an approval.

They fall into a peaceful silence. She swears she only rests her eyes for a moment, but when she opens them again, the clearing is turning pink in the setting sun.

She's lying down in the grass and Shikamaru's chunin vest is draped across her. Her first thought is the grass under her cheek is much more comfortable than his boney shoulder.

Shikamaru is playing shogi against himself it looks like or at least trying out some strategies on the board.

Sakura sits up, and Shikamaru spares her a glance.

"You talk in your sleep," He states.

Sakura blushes, "I do not!" She protests.

Shikamaru just smirks, moving a piece on the board.

"Thanks for lending me this," Sakura says, moving to sit on the other side of the board and holding out his chunin vest. "Sorry for passing out on you like that."

He takes it and sets it beside him. "It's okay. I needed time to think." He says, flipping to the next page in a booklet on his knee.

"What are you working on?" She asks.

"A new strategy for Akatsuki," he says, handing her the book. She flips through it. It's incomplete, as not all members of the group are known, but she lingers on the images of Sasori 'x'ed out in permanent marker, then Itachi with his partner Kisame.

"Its almost impossible to come up with anything useful since so little is known about them. The best chance we have is to glean what we can in the moment from speech patterns, clothing, jutsu, _anything_ and make a plan then." He leans back on his elbows and gazes up at the pink lined clouds in the sky, "Problem is, you only have seconds in the heat of battle. Even with my shadow possession jutsu, I'd only have a minute or two at most."

"We should just face them head on. With our teammates beside us, we can make it through any obstacle together," Sakura says seriously. That was Team 7's way. Leave no teammate behind.

"That type of thinking is what got you into this training in the first place," Shikamaru returns, throwing her a long-suffering look.

Sakura glares, but holds in her anger. She doesn't want to fight like the last time. She'd try to hear him out.

"Will you explain it to me then, Shikamaru-sensei?" She says, unable to keep all the bite out of her voice.

"I told you not to call me that," He groans and lifts himself off his elbows to face her more directly.

"About 95% of the time, the first move that you think of is the wrong one. That means if you go rushing in without a strategy, you are likely to fail, especially in cases where your opponent is stronger or has unknown strengths like Akatsuki." Shikamaru explains. "Rushing in on emotion, trusting your teammates to cover for your mistakes, its not the path with the highest success."

This last part feels like it's added to directly poke at her mistakes and she can't help but bristle.

"Did you learn all that from Shogi or cloud watching?" Sakura rolls her eyes, trying to subtly undercut him again.

"Yes and no," he says cryptically. He holds her gaze and there's a short battle of wills with their eyes, before Shikamaru sighs and breaks the contact. "This isn't going to work if you don't trust me, Sakura."

Her eyes narrow and she's about to disagree, but she doesn't trust him. That's not quite it. She doesn't like being wrong, and Shikamaru is always so frustratingly right.

Her face softens, and she reaches for his hand, "You're right. I'm sorry."

He jumps slightly at the contact, and his eyes jump to hers.

"Please understand, this has all been so difficult for me. I'm used to being the smart one on the team and now I'm being told what to do by someone my own age who is always annoyingly 10 steps ahead of me." Sakura explains. Shikamaru's cheeks turn a little pink and he looks down again.

"I trust you." She says finally. "Or I want to trust you. I'll keep trying, so don't give up on me."

His eyes are still down cast, but he sneaks a glance at her. "I won't." He says, squeezing her hand once.

She relaxes back again before saying with more strength, "Let's make it a promise then."

Shikamaru looks up with a quirked brow.

"Promise me you'll never stop telling me the truth or calling me out when I'm wrong. And I promise to listen without getting angry and follow your instructions without question." Sakura proposes.

His frown deepens and his eyes grow dark. "Is that what you think trust is?" He grumbles something to himself that she doesn't catch. Then his voice is louder and his eyes are flashing. "Trust is a two-way street. I don't want you to just sit here obediently like some genin with her sensei. I want you to think for yourself and question everything. I never want you to stop telling me what your thinking and when _I'm_ wrong. That's what it means to be partners, to challenge each other, but trust that its coming from a good place meant to build you up and not tear you down."

Sakura is taken aback by the passion behind his words. His fiery gaze has her speechless and her breath is caught in her throat. He looks away again. Picking up the silver general piece from the board.

Again, she can't find any fault with what Shikamaru has laid at her feet. This whole time she'd never considered Shikamaru's perspective. All she'd had done was try to tear him down when he'd only been trying to build her up. She felt a wave of shame wash over her. _She_ was the one putting him above her as a 'sensei' not the other way around. He'd been clear from the start that they were partners, equals in this. All the bitterness she felt from him being 'in charge' of her was her own doing, and she'd been taking all the anger at her own insecurities and directing it at him.

"You were saying his name in your sleep," He says darkly. Her eyes jump to his face. He's glaring at the pieces on the shogi table. He grips the silver general in his hand, knuckles white. "Sasuke's."

Her heart skips a beat, and she reaches to grip the necklace around her neck, Sasuke's writing coiled inside. She's not sure what to say, and her eyes search his face for some answer.

"Is he the one that made you like this?" He hisses, "So afraid to trust, to let anyone see you."

"Stop," she breathes out. Sasuke hurt her, but it was her own fault for letting him. "This is my own fault."

Shikamaru let's out a sharp breath through his nose, then with slight disbelief, "You're still defending him."

"Stop," She bites out, finding her voice. Shikamaru grips the piece in his hand even tighter.

"Are you really done with him, Sakura?" He asks quietly, eyes steady on hers.

She doesn't back away from his gaze. She knows the answer unflinchingly.

"Yes."

They gaze at each other a moment longer, before Shikamaru lets out a breath, and releases the piece to clatter onto the board. The tension drains out of him and he flexes his hand, palm outlined in red where the edges dug into his skin.

Sakura takes his hand, gently tracing a chakra lit finger around the edges to heal the skin. The light bathes their faces in green.

"Loving him made me into someone I'm not proud of, and I know I was naive to open myself up to him. Sometimes I think Sasuke's ability to love was killed along with his family." She explains honestly. Shikamaru's jaw clenches, mouth a thin line, but his sharp eyes are fixed on her face, memorizing every detail. "I thought I could heal the hurt in him, but..."

She trails off as she finishes with the wound on Shikamaru's hand, then offers a soft far-away smile.

"Now I need to heal the hurt in me."

The green glow fades from between them, returning them to the purple twilight. Sakura releases his hand, returning her own to her lap.

"I want to trust you, but I still need time to heal." She finishes, face heartbreakingly open. Shikamaru's expression softens from a quiet anger to gentle anguish, eyes darting across her face.

He opens his mouth to say something, then clamps it shut and turns his face away. He stands abruptly. For a terrifying moment, she thinks he's about to leave her there without a word, but he looks back with resolve.

"Together, then?" he asks, extending a hand to her. Sakura gives a relieved smile, then takes his hand and is pulled her to her feet.

"Together."

* * *

Her chest has a strange lightness when she steps into her apartment. She can't remember the last time she had been so open with anyone and not walked away feeling regret or embarrassed.

She feels like the world is hers, and there's nothing that can keep her down. Not Danzo, not this training, not even the idiot who dared break into her apartment.

She wasn't Sakura Haruno, the cowering, love-sick genin anymore. She was Sakura Haruno, Godaime's apprentice and resident badass. No one could make her feel small or afraid because she was strong and didn't need to be reminded.

She takes one deep breath before turning the key and opening the front door to her apartment. A scan of the shadowy room and she knows its empty. Relaxing slightly, she removes her shoes, walks into the living room and flicks on the light.

The breath is knocked out of her.

It's clean. The floor is free of scattered papers. Her books are returned to the bookcase. Five file folders are fanned out on her coffee table. Her keys fall from her hand and clatter to the floor.

With shaking hands, she flips through the files.

_Uzumaki, Naruto – Status: Active Duty_

_Haruno, Sakura –_ _Status:_ _Active Duty_

_Hatake, Kakashi –_ _Status:_ _Acitve Duty_

_Uchiha, Sasuke –_ _Status:_ _Missing-Nin_

_Uchiha, Itachi –_ _Status:_ _Missing-Nin_

The ground beneath Sakura feels like is sliding out from underneath her, and she falls to her knees gripping the table and gasping for breath.

All of them are back. _All of them are back._

The notes. She's scrambling to the bookshelf, searching for the Ophthalmology textbook. Every book is in the exact order as before the break in. She rips the book from the shelf, drops to her knees and flips through the pages, not caring that she's ripping and creasing them. Its too slow.

She turns it over by the cover, shaking the pages. Eight sheets of paper float out to the ground.

They're back too.

She can't breathe. Her vision is going in and out with black and white spots. Did she imagine the whole thing? Was any of it real?

She's going to pass out. Then something finally clicks into place.

Uchiha, Itachi – Status: _Missing-Nin_ not Active Duty.

She scrambles back to the files, plucking out Itachi's from the stack. The words are trembling in her shaking hands, but she can read it there. Missing-Nin.

It did happen. She _wasn't_ imagining.

Someone had stolen all her files and replaced them with something close but not the same. The question was who the _fuck_ would do something like this and were they trying to hide? How much had they changed? Would she even be able to tell the difference?

So many questions she couldn't begin to answer, but one thing she did know. They knew she'd taken the files. They knew where she kept the notes. They knew the _exact_ order her books went on her bookshelf.

Someone was watching her, and she didn't know who or why.


	5. Seeing is Believing

**Done With Love – Chapter 4**

Seeing is Believing

* * *

_Report #34_

_Agent 083_

_Deterrent Measures Phase 2: Completed – Objective Achieved_

_Continuing observation. Subject refocused on the primary training and research objectives per instructions from command. Progress update attached._

_Subject has increased security at place of residence with blood activated seals, complicating surveillance. Blood sample planned for collection. Due to existing relationship with the subject, requesting Agent 055 for infiltration mission._

* * *

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Sakura jumps. Someone is here.

She takes the files and quickly shoves them under the couch, then snatches up the notes and shoves them into her hip bag.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Just a minute!" She yells, grabbing a kunai and silently padding to the door. Through the peep-hole, she sees a man dressed in chunin attire. She doesn't know him.

"Who is it?" She calls. She's not going to open the door until she knows.

"Message from the Hokage's office. Sakura Haruno is to report immediately." The man calls through the door.

"Understood, I'll head right there," she says through the door. Through the peep hole, she sees him nod and flash away.

Sakura turns her back to the door and slides down. Her heart is racing.

She needs to leave immediately to answer the summons and tell Tsunade what happened. However, she won't leave the files out in the open again. It takes minutes, but she draws the blinds on all the windows, adding the protective seals as she goes. If someone wants to enter, they will have to apply her blood to the seal to do it. Then, she pulls the files from under the couch and stuffs them under her mattress. It feels obvious, but until she gets a safe to seal, she can't think of a better place.

She's sprints to the Hokage's office, but when she arrives, there's shouting coming from within. She halts just outside. She knows she's not supposed to eavesdrop, but she can't stop herself from pressing an ear to the door. It's muffled, but she can hear the conversation.

"I did not authorize this, Danzo." Tsunade says tersely.

"I don't need permission for Root Operations." Danzo says calmly. "Amendment 17-B of ANBU bylaws state-"

"Don't quote goddamn bylaws to me! This was personal, and we both know it." Tsunade interrupts.

Danzo lets out a short laugh, "My apologies. You're still such a young Hokage, so untested. It's difficult to remember what is new information." He chides.

"Watch yourself, Danzo." Tsunade warns.

"I did this not for you or for me, but for the village."

"Bullshit!"

"Need I remind you, that information leak was on your end. It could have exposed the village's greatest secret and I could not stand by while such negligence went uncorrected." Danzo lectures her.

"Yet here I am, cleaning up _your_ mess." Tsunade returns. "Do something like this again and I _will_ bring this to the council's attention."

"You think you have power there?" Danzo laughs, "Try it and you'll be sorely disappointed."

"Get. Out." Tsunade hisses, "This is your final warning, Danzo."

Sakura jumps back from the door, just in time for it to fly open. Danzo storms out, glancing at her with a fiery gaze and he passes.

Sakura shudders. Danzo was dangerous. A spider in the shadows waiting to strike and Sakura felt like a fly in the web.

"Sakura, get in here!" Tsunade yells. Sakura winces. This was not going to be fun.

"Shishou, I have something to report." Sakura says, eager to tell her about the files now returned to her.

"If its about the break-in, I already know." Tsunade grunts. "That's why I've called you here."

"But somethings just happened -," She starts.

"Please," Tsunade holds up a hand, stopping her. She pulls open the bottom drawer of her desk and lifts a bottle of sake out. "I'm not in the mood for insubordination, Sakura. Don't interrupt me."

Sakura gulps, "Yes, ma'am."

She's silent, waiting as Tsunade pours herself a cupful and knocks it back.

"I got Kakashi's message about the items taken from your house." Tsunade starts in a monotone voice. "I've investigated on my end, and it turns out it was just mistake with a training exercise."

Sakura stares at her a beat.

"A _training exercise_?" She asks, incredulously. "You expect me to believe that?"

"I've warned you once already! I will not tolerate insubordination from you tonight." She yells.

Sakura stiffens, taken aback by the outburst. Arguments are rising in her throat, but she bites them back with a clenched jaw.

"Some ANBU trainees were given the wrong location for their assignment. Everything was corrected and replaced." Tsunade explains, "I apologize for any inconvenience this caused you, but this should be the end of it."

She wanted to burst. What kind of training exercise called for stealing _specific_ files and watching her close enough to know where she'd hidden the notes? And what they returned wasn't even the same file. It was a lie and Sakura knew it.

"But the files they returned aren't-," Sakura starts, but then stops at the narrowing of Tsunade's eyes.

"I don't want to hear another word about this," Tsunade snaps. "Your primary focus is completing your training, and that's _it._ "

"Understood," Sakura grinds out through clenched teeth.

"Some things have changed. You have 8 weeks to prepare before you have to complete a final evaluation. Take it seriously - I mean it Sakura – or we'll have to reconsider your placement on Team 7 _and_ you rank."

"My rank?" Sakura gasps, "That wasn't part of the discussion."

Tsunade holds up a hand, "This is the second reason I've called you here. Because of Danzo's additional assignment, this issue has been given visibility to the council and they've insisted that your recent promotion to chunin be put under evaluation as well."

"But Tsunade-shishou, that's not fair! I passed the exam. They can't demote me over a single complaint." Sakura protests.

"I taught you better than to whine to me about fairness, Sakura." She scolds. Then more regretful says, "I did what I could, but if I don't comply, then I'll be accused of favoritism. My hands are tied." Tsunade sighs, shoulders drooping.

Sakura was so tired of hearing that excuse. Maybe it wasn't fair to Tsunade-shisou, but she was just so angry. This was her Team, her _career_ that they were toying with, like it was nothing. Like she was just a name on a paper and not the best Medic-Nin in the village, on par with the Hokage herself. Did that mean nothing? Suddenly, something clicks from Tsunade's words earlier.

"You said this was because of Danzo's research request on the Sharingan?" Sakura asks. "He's holding my career over my head if he doesn't get the results he wants."

Tsunade drains another glass of sake and give Sakura an apologetic look. "It seems that way, yes."

"And you _really_ can't do anything about this?" Sakura challenges one more time. Tsunade just gives her a tired look.

Sakura lets out a long breath. "What he wants might not even be possible."

"You better pray it is, or do a damn good job proving otherwise."

* * *

As she returns to her apartment, she can't help but wonder. How did she get in the middle of this mess? This political war between Tsunade and Danzo.

She doesn't fully trust either of them.

Reaching under the mattress in her apartment, Sakura pulls out the files hidden away and flops back onto the bed.

There was no way this was a training exercise, so did that mean that Tsunade was behind this? Sakura had been so sure it was Danzo. He was shady, and the information taken being related to the Sharingan was a huge red flag.

She pulls out Itachi's file, hoping to find some answer inside. The datasheets and psychological profiles were all she'd even looked at. The rest she'd have no chance of determining if information was changed. Sakura deflates. Nothing jumps out at her. A few lines in the psychological profile seemed to be worded differently, hinting at PTSD and narcissistic tendencies. She remembered it being normal the first time, but she'd barely glanced at it.

All she really knew was the status had changed on the label. What did that even mean though? Was it mislabeled and corrected before being returned? He defected and joined the world's most elite criminal organization, so he couldn't be active duty. Unless there was some conspiracy and he was a double agent or something.

Sakura laughed to herself. She didn't really trust the Hokage right now, that was true, but for something like _that_ to be true was not even possible. He'd never be pardoned for the massacre in any case.

Still, something wasn't right. Tsunade and Danzo were both hiding something, she just knew it. She wouldn't stop looking until she found an answer.

* * *

The days pass and Sakura falls into a new sort of routine. She hardly has a moment for herself. Her body aches and never seems to fully recover from her training with Gai's team and just when her chakra reserves are full once again, a session with Kurenai has them wiped out. Then any free moment between was filled with reading and research into the Sharingan and ophthalmology.

At night, despite having seals on her windows, she's still terrified that she'll wake to someone broken into her house, standing over her bed with a kunai held to her throat, but each day that passes with nothing happening gets a little easier. Still, most nights she takes a pillow to the only windowless room in her apartment, the bathroom, and curls up for a few hours sleep on the bathmat. Her instinct is always to run to Kakashi's apartment and ask for help, but she's determined to not be a burden. To not be useless. After that, somehow the bathmat feels like a victory.

Surprisingly, the times she looks forward to most are those quiet hours playing shogi with Shikamaru. Something about sitting under the shade, breeze blowing in and his steady, calm presence is enough to make the stress of her outside world disappear.

She stretches the minutes they play each time they meet and soon the usual hour has drawn out into two, then three. If Shikamaru minds, he doesn't say. They don't say much at all in fact, but the companionable silence is a soothing balm on her soul. Compared to the rest of her life, it feels just right.

* * *

"It's still not right." Kurenai says, breaking out of another of Sakura's attempts at mind infiltration.

They've moved on from area affect genjutsu after Sakura had shown aptitude but limitations with chakra reserves. Mind infiltration is levels harder, despite her initial advantages. It took hardly any chakra, and from Sakura's skill in medical ninjutsu, navigating someone's mind was second nature. However, the amount of skill it too to craft a believable stimulus was insane. It was so much different than any of her medical ninjutsu.

"This isn't a scientific formula." Kurenai reminds again, "You can't just go through the hand-signs, throw the correct amount of chakra at it and have it be good enough. Genjutsu is an art. You have to craft it, _believe_ it, or your target won't either."

But Sakura _is_ a scientist. She knows the exact physiological processes that go into the eye taking in visual stimulus, converting it to electro-chemical information, transferring up neurons into the brain and processing it into useful information. Art though? Art she doesn't know to save her life. Colors, shapes, feelings – how does she combine these things in her mind and project them into reality?

"Try it again." Kurenai says. Sakura is trying a simple C rank genjutsu – False Surroundings Technique – to make a kunai look like a harmless leaf. She concentrates, remembering what a leaf looks like in her mind's eye. It seems simple enough. She locks eyes with Kurenai and slides into her mind, following the chakra maze to her occipital lobe and planting the image there. A leaf – green, weightless, harmless.

"Wrong!" Kurenai cries, getting frustrated. "That won't convince anyone worth their salt, Sakura."

Sakura wilts.

"The green is too dark for this time of day, and the leaf wasn't translucent as it interacted with light. Plus, it didn't _feel_ harmless. You need to instill that in the very fabric of the illusion. That's the most important part." Kurenai explains further.

"Yes, Sensei. I'll try again." Sakura says, spirits falling, but determined not to give up.

Kurenai puts a hand up, looking at something over her shoulder. "Actually, it looks like my time is up."

Sakura looks back over her shoulder and sees Asuma-sensei approaching. Her shoulders drop in disappointment for another failed training session. Don't give up, she tells herself, gripping her necklace.

"I'm giving you a new assignment this week." She says, refocusing on Sakura.

The past few weeks had been focused on strengthening her mental shields against genjutsu until it was second nature. With her excellent chakra control, it was an easy but tedious task to weave a tight net of chakra on the back surface of her eyes, across the rods and cones that lived there.

If she were born with a Sharingan, this would exist naturally, and would probably be stronger than she could make. She grips her necklace, cursing the advantage Itachi and Sasuke's have over her. Was she a fool for thinking she could surpass Itachi? Days like today, it felt true.

"I want you to just observe everything around you. How does it look? What colors are there? How do things interact with light or change at different times of day? Most importantly, how does it make you feel? Catalog it in your mind, journal it, draw it – whatever works best - but do this until its second nature." Kurenai explains.

Sakura nods, and has a sinking feeling that this is going to be way harder than it sounds.

"Kurenai! Ready for lunch?" Asuma calls to her from across the training field.

"I'll be right there," She calls back. Then to Sakura, "Don't get discouraged. Most shinobi wouldn't even be able to do the infiltration part. We are halfway there."

"Thank you, Sensei. I'll do my best." Sakura says, with forced enthusiasm. Kurenai smiles anyway, and unconsciously brings a hand to her stomach. It reminds Sakura of something she'd been meaning to ask.

"Since Asuma is here, did you want to do a quick check up on the baby?" Sakura says with a smile. Kurenai's smile goes a little strained.

"That's very kind of you, Sakura, but I still haven't told Asuma anything yet." Kurenai says gently, low enough that it doesn't carry.

"Oh," Sakura's not sure what to say, "If you don't mind me asking, why not? Aren't you guys, you know, together?"

Kurenai's expression falls a little further, "It's just a little complicated. Don't worry, though. I'll tell him eventually. I just need to figure a few things out first."

Sakura nods, running through possibilities of what she could need to figure out. Relationships looked different from the outside sometimes, so maybe things weren't as solid as they seemed. Asuma could also not want children, which wasn't uncommon in this profession.

"I understand," Sakura says finally, "Well, the offer always stands. Let me know, even if it's just you and the baby."

This time, Kurenai looks genuinely grateful.

* * *

Sakura is trying to see the world in a new light, with the eye of an artist rather than a scientist. It's going horribly.

She spent an hour yesterday browsing through flowers and journaling their details. How Violet petals transition from yellow to white to purple, how the textures of the petal were softer than smooth stems and the difference between the smell of a rose and a lily. Somehow the journal still came off more as a botanical case study than art.

It wasn't a total waste though. She'd got to spend some time with Ino at the Yamanaka flower shop.

"So, how's it going with Shika-ma-ru?" She asks, drawing out the last two syllables in his name. Sakura rolls her eyes, glancing up from the Violets.

"Fine, I guess. We haven't killed each other yet." She answers with a shrug.

"Sounds like sexual tension to me," Ino sings, and then adds, "If you guys just slept together, you'd get along so much better."

Sakura scoffs, "Gross, Ino-pig."

"Come on, you don't think Shikamaru's a little cute in a bookish kind of way?" Ino asks.

"We're just friends, Ino. I've never thought of him like that." Sakura answers, not looking up from her flowers this time.

"Yeah, right. I saw you guys at that restaurant, and you were way to cozy to just be friends." Ino argues, leaning over the counter.

"What's your deal with him, Ino?" Sakura says, frustrated. "Are you jealous or something? I feel like you're reading way too into this."

"Me? Jealous?" She scoffs, but Sakura narrows her eyes at her.

"Yeah, I think so." Sakura says. Ino shakes her head a few times. "I mean, what was with the whole 'Shikamaru prefers blondes' comment? Don't try telling me that wasn't referring to yourself."

Ino's mouth drops open. "Forehead! Why do you have to remember everything?" She pouts and answers, "So Shikamaru had a little crush on me when we were genin, but that was like _so_ long ago. And we only kissed like one time and it doesn't even really count since he didn't use tongue."

"Wait, seriously?" Sakura abandons her flowerpot and strides over to the counter where Ino is leaning. "Why am I just hearing about this now?"

Ino waves a hand. "Because it was hardly a blip on the radar. Plus, it was when we were still fighting over Sasuke, so it's not like we talked ever."

"That's a huge blip! You kissed your _teammate_." Sakura presses. "Oh my god, Ino, was that you're first kiss?"

"So, what if it was?" Ino says defensively.

"Ino!" Sakura shrieks.

"There have been many more and many _better_ since then. Trust me." Ino says.

"God, isn't it awkward working with him now?" She asks, imagining if she'd ever kissed Naruto and then had to face him every day for training or missions. She shudders.

"Not really. It was just a moment and we both know it. Sometimes it's better to get something like that out of your system. What can I say?" Ino shrugs. "It's not like we'd ever have something come out of it. The Yamanaka, Nara and Akimichi clans aren't allowed to have relationships anyway. Something about preserving the Kekkei Genkai."

She suddenly feels bad for Ino. No one should be able to tell you who to love. What if she had really loved Shikamaru and been forced apart?

"Don't give me that look, forehead," Ino says after glancing at the pity on Sakura's face. "I mean, sure, at the time it was a whole 'star-crossed lovers' feel, but I am like _so_ over that. We never would have worked out anyway."

Sakura nods, feeling a little better. Until she remembers Choji, who seems to _not_ be over it at all.

"I'd never date a teammate anyway, even if we were allowed. That's just too much overlap between work and play." Ino finishes with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows.

Poor, poor Choji.

"That reminds me," Ino recalls, "Did you really mean what you said about being done with Sasuke?" Giving her a probing look.

Sakura prickles, "Yes, is that really such a surprise?"

Ino looks at her like she's grown a second head, "Well, yeah! Your whole life was Sasuke and then out of nowhere you're 'over him'." Adding air quotes.

"Not just him. I'm done with relationships in general." Sakura responds.

"That I don't believe for a second." Ino states.

"Well it's true." Sakura insists, "I'm way too busy for a relationship anyway. I've got a lot riding on this training and I won't put myself on hold again for some guy who's probably just going to end up hurting me when it's all said and done."

"You're so cynical." Ino says judgmentally. "Not everyone has the same emotional baggage as Sasuke. You can't base your whole love life off him."

"It's not about him. It's about me, for once." Sakura counters, turning her nose up before saying, "I'm focusing on myself for a while."

"Boo," Ino heckles, "That's what they all say and its never true."

Sakura huffs, and returns to her journaling, knowing Ino was way too stubborn to quit. Why bother even trying to convince her otherwise?

* * *

Now, as she's sitting across from Shikamaru at the shogi board in Nara forest, the combination of Ino's confession and trying to catalog everything she looks at has her studying Shikamaru too closely. Distracting herself by observing the wood grain in the shogi board and the shine of the grass only goes so far. Before long she's back to memorizing the color of his cheeks in the sun or suppressing a mental picture him and Ino in a lip lock behind Training Ground 5.

She doesn't realize she'd been staring at him until he gruffly says, "You're move." His eyes are cast to the side, not meeting hers and his cheeks are a little pink.

"Sorry," She says, quickly returning to the game.

Compared to when she started playing, she was leaps ahead now. She hadn't won any games yet, but she'd come close, proof that she _was_ learning. Although she'd never admit it to him, Shikamaru was right about this game being helpful. It made her think about everything more strategically and had really helped her out in her spars with Team Gai.

She selects her move quickly and sits back, chin resting in her hand again waiting for his turn.

She tries to focus on the board and plan, but her gaze gravitates to him again. His eyebrows are drawn together in the familiar way, and she knows his eyes are looking 20 moves into the future. His eyes are a clear, warm brown, just lighter than the boarder of the shogi board. Something about them is sharp despite the soft shade. Maybe the shape or the quickness in their movement?

Either way, she was starting to see what Ino described as 'bookishly cute'. If she'd seen his face on a stranger, she wouldn't look twice. Now after spending so much time with him, his features meld into something so familiar and so Shikamaru, she can't help but feel he's actually quite handsome. She'd never noticed before.

The conflicting sharp cheek bones and jaw line against the soft tones of his skin and eyes were balanced somehow. The way his lips are perpetually turned down at the corners was somehow endearing after a while. Even his chocolate colored ponytail she notices actually has streaks of chestnut that come out in the sunlight as the breeze blows it. Alone, each feature is plain, forgettable, but somehow together they come alive in a way that had her shoulders relaxing and her chest feeling light. Looking at him felt natural, like coming home after a long day. It felt safe.

"What?" He says softly, finally meeting her gaze. "You're staring,"

He's blushing again and looks down at the shogi board a moment later, eyes glued to a single piece.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just a little tired today. My mind keeps wandering." She lies, turning her attention back to the table. The truth about her assignment and Ino's confession are too embarrassing to share. Taking a few moments to refocus on the game, she remembers her strategy again, and makes her move. It's a good one.

Shikamaru makes a disapproving 'tsk', scowling in a way that's more of a pout for him. "I was hoping you wouldn't do that." He mumbles, crossing his arms.

She tries to suppress the smile rising to her face. One, she's insanely proud that she's getting good enough to be frustrating. Two, something about the unguarded expression on his face is just so cute.

She should feel horror at the thought, but her chest is just light. Now that she's seen it, she can't unsee it. Her eyes bounce between the board and him, guessing at what move he could be planning and reading each expression as they flit across his face.

'I could move that there,' one seems to say, 'but then…that won't work' another counters.

She lets out a quiet laugh through her nose, accidentally drawing his attention again.

"What?" He says a little more forcefully this time.

"Nothing, you're just so cute when you're concentrating." The truth is out of her mouth before she can stop it, and Shikamaru goes bright red, mouth wobbling between his pout and a smile and his eyes drop to the board again. Sakura grins.

"You're making fun of me," He huffs, mouth finally settling into to pout.

"Maybe," she says impishly. Shikamaru grumbles something sounding like 'troublesome' under his breath, and makes his move, cheeks still pink. He never really recovers, and for the first time its Sakura who wins.

He accuses her of cheating, but Sakura insists it still counts.

* * *

Like most nights, Sakura is in the Private Archives in the Hokage Tower, working on her Sharingan research. More accurately, she's twirling her necklace between her fingers and wishing she just had a Sharingan herself. It would make her life so much easier.

All day, Sakura is memorizing the most mundane parts of the world. The feel of the air on your face in a cold room verse a warm one. The way the sun glints of the wood of a desk verse the wood of a tree. Its thousands of little details that she could memorize in a second if she had a Sharingan. She feels for the chakra net in the back of her eyes. It's still there. If she had a Sharingan, she wouldn't have to check that either because it would just be part of her anatomy.

As for her research, it was also going nowhere. Kakashi is constantly out on missions, obviously avoiding something in the village. He had hinted that he was being forced to participate in this study, but she didn't think he would flee the village over it. She wonders how much help he'd really be anyway. Kakashi's Sharingan is a transplant, so it won't be hooked up the same way as a natural one. That was probably the reason he couldn't deactivate it.

She had caught one break though. No one had revoked her clearance into the Private Archives, which had much more information about the Uchiha clan than the library did. Being the Hokage's apprentice had its perks after all. Although better than nothing, the documents here are mostly governmental information - birth and death certificates, census information, property ownership - rather than medical information. But the archive is huge and isn't well cataloged, so she keeps searching, hoping for an autopsy or medical file. So far, she hasn't found any real details of the anatomy and physiology of Uchiha eyes or brains, let alone documented mechanisms for activation and deactivation.

She sighs again. If she had been born with a Sharingan, it would take all of 1 hour for her to map out an anatomical diagram and hypothesize a mechanism instead of the days she's spending searching through documents.

She sighs, feeling for once that there really may be an unsurmountable gap in skill between her and the Uchiha with their Sharingan. For just one day, she wants to let herself believe this is true, because then everything becomes easy. If she believes this, she can give up because she'd never win in the first place.

But she can't.

Danzo is holding everything she cares about in his hands, and if she gives up, he will crush it without a thought. She needs to figure out the Sharingan out on her own. She _has_ to.

She twists open the cylinder of her necklace, shaking out the two notes onto her palm. Her thumb ghosts across Itachi's writing. She's not giving up.

She flips to the second note that says 'I love you'.

There has been almost no time to investigate her suspicions about Itachi and the Massacre, but her mind still burned with questions. She'd looked up the numbers for how many Uchiha died the night of the massacre: 2,615 people. There was absolutely _no_ way one person could have done that. Even if he was insanely strong, the logistics of it weren't possible.

If she assumed there was a generous 8-hour window during the night where most of the Uchiha were asleep, then Itachi would have had to kill 5.4 people per minute, or 1 person every 11 seconds. That didn't include travel between homes or complications if someone was already awake. No human could do that. It wasn't possible.

So how had it happened?

"What's that?" A male voice says over her shoulder.

She swears and jumps out of her chair. Without thinking, she's inside his head with a genjutsu, cutting of his sight to hide the notes. The man falls back with the movement, arms flinging out to catch himself as his sight fails. She shoves the notes into her back pocket, then falls into a defensive stance.

"Sakura? What the hell, it's me." She hears him say. Shikamaru is sprawled on the ground. Shit. She rushes next to him, breaking her genjutsu. His eyes come into focus and dart to her face.

"What the hell was that?" He complains, looking annoyed.

"I'm so sorry. You caught me off guard." Sakura apologizes. "Are you okay?"

"I think I blacked out for a second, but I'm fine now." He says, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. She decides not to mention the genjutsu and helps him off the ground.

"How'd you get in here?" She asks. She wasn't aware he had the clearance.

"I have filing duty for the Hokage, remember?" He grumbles, then says, "I brought some food." He says, offering a plastic bag from there favorite take out place. Luckily, the containers of food inside don't look too ruffled from her little attack.

"Shikamaru," She gasps. Her stomach growls in respond to the smell of food. "You are amazing! I'm starved. Skipped lunch." She says taking the bag from him with a giant smile. He rubs his neck a little self-consciously.

"It's not that big a deal. Figured you'd be here studying and forget to eat again." He explains, not meeting her gaze. He makes his way to the seat across from hers and sits. She joins and remembers, she'd mentioned a few days ago in their shogi session that she'd get so focused on research sometimes that she'd accidentally skip meals.

"Well, it's still really sweet." She says with a grin. She opens the dishes and is surprised to find it's her favorite. How he remembered she didn't know. She supposed having a best friend that was obsessed with food, he started to notice this kind of thing.

She decides to tease him, with eyes narrowed in false suspicion, "You're not trying to buy my friendship with food, are you? That approach might work with Choji, but not me."

"Seems to be paying off so far," He quips, taking a bite of his meal.

"Ha, well you might want to come up with a long-term strategy, because this was a special case." She says, with a grin.

"If you think I don't already have a strategy worked out to win you over, you don't know me at all." Shikamaru says lightly, but the weight behind his gaze hits her squarely in the chest. She brushes it off in favor of continuing the light banter.

"This isn't another one of your secret tests, right?" Sakura asks, quirking a playful eyebrow, "Where I have to beat you at your own game to pass."

"I don't play games with people, Sakura." Shikamaru answers more seriously than she was hoping.

"I think it's impossible for you not to. It's how you're wired," She gestures to her temple with the end of her chopsticks, "You're always planning ahead, deciding how people will react and making decisions to lead to the most favorable outcome for you."

"You make it sound so manipulative." He pouts.

She ignores his comment and adds, "Plus, I'm pretty sure 90% of how you think is in terms of shogi moves."

"Okay, that _might_ be true." He admits. She giggles.

"I don't mean it in a bad way. You definitely use your powers for good and not evil." She jokes with a wink, "You can try to hide it all you want, but underneath this 'couldn't-care-less' persona you've built for yourself is a nice, sensitive guy calling all the shots."

Shikamaru winces, "That sounds so uncool. Don't repeat that to anyone."

"You didn't deny it," She responds in a sing-song voice, making no promises.

"Geeze, y _ou_ lecturing _me_ about persona's? What a drag." He complains.

"Hey, with me, what you see is what you get." She says plainly. He shoots her a look, rolling his eyes.

"No way. If I'm 'couldn't-care-less' you're 'couldn't-care-more'."

She scoffs, "Suddenly it's a bad thing to care?"

"No, but what I mean is you only want people to see the best sides of you. It'd be a lot more annoying if you didn't always see the best in other people too."

"Still not seeing the bad part here, Shikamaru-sen-," She bites off the 'sensei' suffix at his immediate glare. Then lets out a sheepish, "Sorry."

He continues, "The bad part is you're always on guard. You don't let anyone in because you're afraid to show them the bad parts. Then at the same time, your expectations for everyone else are unrealistically high, so they are always disappointing you, reaffirming your decision to keep them out."

Again, she bristles, suppressing the immediate reaction to lash out. He's done it again, picked her apart and pointed out all the moving parts that she'd never noticed. Problem was, she'd never be able to un-notice.

"Stop doing that, Shikamaru!" She says, "Here I am, living my life just fine then you come along dropping explosive tags of truth on me and blowing everything up."

"Explosive tags of truth?" His eyebrow is cocked, silently laughing at her, "Sounds like Gai-sensei's had more of an effect than I have." She can't keep from chuckling at that.

"Okay, you're right. That was lame." She admits, then lets out a wistful sigh. "I just wish I could see the world like you do. How can you pick everything apart so easily? It doesn't seem fair." She says with a jealous note in her voice. She's thinking about her training again and how she's constantly reminded of her natural disadvantages.

"I think you're giving me more credit than I deserve," He says, blushing a bit at the subtle praise.

"I am not. You just want everyone to underestimate you." She expands. "As someone who's always being underestimated, I don't get that at all."

She thinks she sees Shikamaru's expression darken for just a moment, but it's gone before she can be sure.

"Being underestimated is a huge advantage," Shikamaru explains calmly. "But we've talked about that already."

He's referring to the tactical lessons. Sakura had complained about how no one in battle took her seriously. Shikamaru smirked and said the same phrase: being underestimated is a huge advantage. If someone didn't think she was a threat, they either wouldn't engage or wouldn't use full force against her. In either case, she'd have an opportunity. She could bide her time and wait for a single lethal opening, as was the general strategy she'd been perfecting. Watch, strike, run. The other case, she could save energy evading until, again, an opening appeared.

"In battle, maybe it's an advantage." She counters, "But with your comrades, it's another story."

"That _is_ another story." He says cryptically. She knows better than to take it as agreement and feels like he's about to drop another 'explosive tag of truth'. God, she'd really said that. He's giving her an evaluating gaze as if trying to decide whether to continue or not.

"Go ahead," Sakura exhales, "Lay it on me."

Shikamaru smirks. "I think your comrades know exactly what you're capable of. It's you who's underestimating yourself and projecting your insecurities onto others."

"You can pull your punches once in a while, Shikamaru." Sakura says, trying to cover the embarrassment causing her cheeks to burn. He wasn't wrong. Not one word.

"You asked for it," He says, a little annoyed, crosses his arms and looks away.

"I know," She mumbles, then because she knows he's just trying to help, she adds, "Thanks for your honesty."

It's not what he's expecting, and his clear gaze is trying to read her expression. He just nods, and they fall into a comfortable silence as they finish their food.

Sakura has started looking over her notes again when Shikamaru says, "We should do this more often."

"What?" Sakura asks, looking up. His eyes are drawn to the table, arms crossed and cheeks a little pink. His expression is carefully blank, but his tell, his stiff shoulders, gives away his feelings again.

"Research in the archives?" Sakura teases, trying to loosen him up again. It has the opposite effect.

"No," His mouth turns down into that familiar scowl that's more like a pout on him. "Have dinner together."

"Oh," Is all Sakura says, surprised. Something about the way he's said it has an uneasy feeling rising in her. Even though her mind is whirling trying to identify why, she answers quickly to fill the awkward silence that is threatening to stretch out. "Of course, this was fun. I'm researching here every night, so we should definitely do it again."

Shikamaru's frown deepens a little, "Eat here again? That's not exactly what I had in mind."

"Well, why not? I mean, I'm swamped with work, so it seems convenient." She shrugs, "Unless you had a better idea?"

Shikamaru's mouth opens to say something before snapping it closed again with a frown. He drops his gaze to the floor again and says with a sigh, "Alright, I'll come by again tomorrow night then."

Sakura grins at him, and his cheeks go a little pink and he barks out, "But if anyone asks, it was your idea. I've got a 'couldn't-care-less' reputation to maintain."

* * *

Almost every night following for the next two weeks, at exactly 7:00 pm, Shikamaru shows up at the archives with some dish in a to-go container for them to eat while Sakura takes a brief reprieve from studying. The third or fourth day, he starts bringing a book with him to read after they've finished eating.

It's a huge book, 'A Battle Plan Analysis of the Second Shinobi World War' and Sakura can't help but tease him about it. "That's got to be the most boring book of all time." She had said.

"And reading over Medical Case Studies is any better?" He returned.

Despite his presence making researching much more fun, it also gave her a sense of safety she hadn't had when alone. She still wasn't convinced she wasn't being watched. Sometimes, she still feels the weight of someone's eyes on her, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, but when she searches, she's utterly alone. It made her so feel vulnerable. With him there, it was one last thing to worry over.

Today however, he had told her at their daily training that he had a family dinner or something to attend. No more details were given except that it was sure to be 'a drag'.

It worked out for her though, because Kakashi was back from a mission, and she had finally cornered him into a checkup.

Kakashi hated hospitals, so while she would have rather met in an exam room, she was forced to make do with meeting in her usual spot in the archives. At night, she was the only one there, save for a mousy haired chunin that was _always_ working quietly on the other side of the maze of bookshelves. It was private enough for Kakashi.

When he arrives, only an hour and a half late much to her surprise, he looks awful. His clothes are a little wrinkled, skin pale, hair even more unruly than usual, and purple bags ring his eye.

"You look terrible," She gasps, quickly ushering him to a seat. "Sit down before you collapse."

"Nice to see you too, Sakura-chan." He says sweetly, dropping into a chair. Then he teases, "Has anyone ever told you, you need to work on your bedside manner?"

She glares at him, but there isn't much heat behind it. She pulls a chair in front of his, close enough for her to reach his face for the exam. Their knees bump as she sits down. Again, she's wishing for the exam table in the hospital room.

"Take off your vest and headband. I'm doing a full exam now." She orders, leaving no room for debate.

"Ah, ah, ah," He protests, "That wasn't part of the deal."

"Just do it," She snaps with a long-suffering look. He lets out a sigh but complies.

She presses her hands glowing green with chakra to his chest, searching for any injuries. She sucks in a sharp breath.

"Shirt off. Now." She practically snarls.

"I'll do mine, if you do yours," He flirts, but she's familiar with the tactic.

"You're not joking your way out of this." She scolds, meeting his eye with a glare that's tinged with worry.

He sighs again and reaches for the hem of his shirt. His movements are stiff, and he groans as he lifts it over his head.

Sakura lets out a curse.

There's a gash across his ribs that's been poorly bandaged. Bright red blooms against the white cloth. It's reopened.

"You big idiot," She breaths out. She wants to yell it in his face, but her heart is in her throat.

She removes the bandage and presses her hand to the wound. It's a few days old and probably should have had stitches. She starts stitching together the skin with her chakra and cleansing the infection looming at the surface. Underneath, she feels the broken ribs shift under her touch. Kakashi hisses at every bump against the break. Part of her thinks she should leave it to heal normally as punishment for trying to hide it, but she can't bring herself to do it.

"You should have come to me straight away," She scolds finishing. Kakashi lets out a strangled breath of relief and relaxes back fully in the chair.

"I've had worse injuries and lived." He brushes off her words. Frustration builds in her chest at his nonchalant attitude.

"I'm checking your Sharingan now," She says coldly.

She scoots farther up in her chair, but is still too far away to be comfortable, so she stands between his legs and places a hand on either side of his face. Stubble is poking through his mask to her palms. The sharp smell of sweat and iron reaches her too.

"You smell terrible," She comments, eyes sliding closed to start her exam, chakra seeping into his temples.

"No respect. You were so much nicer as a genin," He jokes, trying to deflect again, but when she levels an unamused look, he admits quietly, "I haven't had a chance to head home and shower yet. I didn't want to be any later than I was."

"You just got back from another mission?" She gasps. That wound was days old. Had he gotten it on the mission before that then?

She feels him nod beneath her hands and lets out a quiet growl.

His Sharingan was strained too and chakra channels leading to it had mild chakra burns.

She opens her eyes, "You're going to get yourself killed if you keep this up."

His mismatched gaze meets hers. Though it's hard to read his expression, there's a melancholy tilt to his eyebrows.

"Back to back missions, hiding wounds, missing appointments with me. What are you running from?" She asks quietly.

"Girl troubles," He jokes again, with an aloof smile.

Sakura grips his face tighter and takes a step closer, trying to hold back her frustration. "Liar."

The smile fades a little and his gaze drops to the necklace hanging around her neck. Its glinting with green from the chakra pouring from Sakura's hands.

"Is it Danzo?" She asks. He doesn't speak, doesn't look up. "Tsunade-sama?"

"Don't worry, Sakura-chan. It's nothing I can't handle." He says in what's supposed to be a reassuring tone, but he just sounds weary. The 'chan' added to her name grates against her. It makes her feel like a useless child. She's not a child and he's not her Sensei.

"You're always taking on all the burdens for us - Naruto and me. Always protecting us." She says. Kakashi's shoulders are bowed under the weight of all their troubles and she can see it wearing on him. It must be so exhausting. "But who protects you? Who takes on _your_ burdens?"

She finishes healing the damage in his eyes but doesn't draw away yet.

"No one is asking you to get through life alone. We're a team, so you can depend on me, Kakashi." His eyebrows raise at the sound of his name and not 'Sensei' falling from her mouth. His inquiring eyes dart across her face.

He'd been there for her so many times, risking his life for her own. Anytime she needed him, he was there without question. Always. She trusted him completely, instinctually. Did he trust her? She wanted him to, because Sakura was so much stronger now. If he could only see that, he wouldn't kill himself trying to protect them all. It was her turn to swoop in and save him, if he'd just let her.

He lets out a sigh, takes one of her hands from his face and begins to turn away. She doesn't let him. Firmly grabbing his face, she pulls his gaze back to hers. Their faces are close enough that her eyes dart between each of his. Red, black, red. She's not going to let him run away from her.

"I can help carry the burden. I'm not a child anymore." She murmurs. His eyes lock on hers for a few moments looking torn, then drop low on her face.

"I know," He says in a low, husky voice that she can feel reverberate in his chest. Her heartbeat picks up at the look in his eyes she's never seen there before. He's still looking low on her face as he reaches up to lightly tug on the cylinder of her necklace.

"Am I interrupting something?" A voice calls from behind them.

Sakura's spine snaps up straight, but Kakashi doesn't move right away. His eyes slide slowly off her face and over her shoulder to the man standing there. She turns quickly to see Shikamaru leaning against a bookshelf, hands in his pockets.

"Shikamaru," She squeaks, voice an octave higher than it should be. Her stomach jumps to her throat. "I thought you had a family thing tonight."

His face is guarded but dark with a hard stare that is fixed on Kakashi's face. It reluctantly slides to her as she speaks. Although his posture is casual, she knows he's hiding his true emotions by the stiffness in his shoulders.

"It got done early." He says shortly. "I thought I'd come by and see if you wanted to grab dessert. I didn't know you'd be," his eyes fix on Kakashi's discarded shirt on the table and he finishes, "busy."

She winces. It was all explainable, so she shouldn't feel a desperate need to defend herself, but she does. She starts, but she's speaking too quickly, "I was just, um, we were just working on my research, and Kakashi had some injuries from his last mission I was treating," She gestures to his bare chest but there's not a mark of proof there, "So I took care of those first, but I'm just finishing up now."

Shikamaru doesn't say anything for a beat. Looking between Sakura and Kakashi. "Right." Is all he says. His hard stare is settles on Kakashi again, who is looking back with an unreadable look. There's something passing silently between them, but she's not sure what it is.

"I'll just come back later, then." Shikamaru says coolly but doesn't move an inch.

"Not necessary. Like she said, I'm just leaving." Kakashi says unblinking. He grabs his shirt, throws it on then grabs his vest. He turns to her with his 'sensei smile', hand coming to her head. She frowns, thinking he's going to ruffle her hair like when she was a genin, basically telling her that he hadn't taken anything she'd just said seriously, but he doesn't. He strokes her hair back, gently dragging his fingers from her temple, around her ear and down her neck.

Her eyebrows shoot up and she can hear her heart pounding in her ears.

"Thanks for the check-up, Sakura," He says in a deep voice, then adds too low for Shikamaru to hear, "Sorry for making you worry. I'll come straight to you next time, promise."

She manages a nod, and Kakashi turns to leave.

Shikamaru's stare is even darker now, and it doesn't leave Kakashi as he strolls by.

Sakura hardly notices. She's stunned and struggling to understand the meaning of what just happened.

* * *

"Is everything okay, Sakura?" Kurenai worries, frown settling on her mouth. They are sitting across from each other at the training ground. "Your heart doesn't really seem in it today."

Sakura let's out a heavy breath. Everything was not okay, but she couldn't exactly tell Kurenai-sensei that.

Despite what Kakashi had said the last time they met, he was still taking missions. She hadn't seen him in days. She was worried. He would run himself ragged and for what, she didn't know. It seemed like they were about to have a breakthrough when they were interrupted. She had so many questions and still felt tense about that strange goodbye.

The other thing weighing on her is her looming deadline. Only 4 weeks left. She's running out of time before her evaluation, and her research and training suddenly seem to be progressing too slow. Without Kakashi, she had no leads.

Her only comfort is that Shikamaru seemed more constant than ever. He never missed a dinner at the archives again and even walked with her there after they finished shogi. Still, something was different with him. She couldn't put her finger on it.

"I'm just a little tired, I think," Sakura lies, not feeling like opening the door closed tightly on all her problems. Kurenai returns to the lesson.

"The visuals of your genjutsu are getting better, but we're not quite there yet," Kurenai says giving feedback. Sakura's shoulders drop as Kurenai elaborates, "Something about them still feels sterile and contrived."

"I've been journaling like you said. I'll keep trying," Sakura sighs. Every second of the day, she was observing and noting her surroundings in her mind and in a journal, but it didn't seem to be doing much.

"Can I see it? Your journal." Kurenai asks. Sakura pauses, feeling a little exposed. Some of the entries in there, especially about people, felt a little personal. Still, she reaches into her pouch and hands it to her.

Kurenai's scarlet eyes skim through the pages.

"This is very thorough," Kurenai's tone is surprised. "Excellent work, but I think I see the problem."

She hands the journal back to Sakura.

"You're still thinking like a scientist and not an artist." Kurenai says. "You're trying to come up with the perfect balance of color and shape, a formula, for each object. You're striving for perfection, but reality isn't perfect. Art isn't perfect. It's an expression of emotion and that's what you're missing here."

Sakura sighed. What was she supposed to do with that? She had no idea how to practice imperfection.

"Stop the journal and start a sketch book. Sketch what you see and try to communicate feeling through it, but give yourself a time limit. Spend only a few minutes capturing its essence instead of perfecting it." Kurenai said.

Sakura nodded, but stomach sank. She doubted Itachi ever needed a sketchbook. An image of him as a 13-year old sketching flowers in a meadow popped into her mind and she almost laughed. Ridiculous. At that age he was in ANBU, performing assassinations and Sasuke was the one doodling at home. She remembered the note back at her apartment with a stick figure Uchiha throwing shuriken on the front and _LESS DRAWING, MORE TRAINING_ penned on the back. No, Itachi didn't need a silly sketchbook.

"Kurenai!" Asuma calls across the clearing, he approaches and seems to be in extremely high spirits.

Kurenai stands, beaming at his expression. "What's got you so excited?"

Asuma slings an arm around Kurenai's shoulders, for once not caring to hide the show of affection from Sakura.

"Team 10 dinner tonight, and this time, its Choji's turn to pay." He says, winking at Sakura. "I'm getting my money's worth."

"That's right, I forgot," Kurenai says, then gives a sharp look. "Aren't you supposed to be an example to those kids, Asuma?"

"I've been leading by example for years now. Tonight, I'm teaching him a lesson." He sayswith a smirk, then to Kurenai, "And you're coming with me"

"I'm not even on Team 10." She protests.

"You might as well be. You're with me, aren't you?" Asuma lets out a hearty laugh. "Sakura, you come too. That'll really stick it to him."

Sakura would rather eat her own foot than sit through a Team 10 dinner. The last one had been much too awkward with the tension between the three of them. "Thank you for the offer, Asuma-sensei, but I really shouldn't -,"

"Shouldn't say no, because that's not an answer I'm accepting." He jokes. "Come on, just head over after your training with Shikamaru. He's got all the details."

* * *

They are walking to the BBQ restaurant for Team 10's dinner when Shikamaru asks out of nowhere, "Did someone give you that necklace?"

"Huh?" She says, realizing she'd been fiddling with it again. "Why do you ask?" She asks, not really answering the question.

"Its not really your style. It's kind of masculine." He explains. Then after a beat, "Did Kakashi give it to you?"

Her face flushes, and she says quickly. "What? No, why would you even think that?" He hadn't brought Kakashi up since _that_ day, and she was very thankful for that.

Shikamaru looks like he doesn't quite believe it. "You were wearing it the day I saw you two…," he doesn't finish.

"The day you saw us, what, Shikamaru?" Sakura challenges him to finish his sentence.

"Talking." He says shortly, but the undertone is clear he means something else.

"It was a coincidence. I've had it for a while now." She replies.

They are silent for a few more steps, but its tense.

"If you keep tugging at it, you'll break it," He says, not meeting her gaze.

"It helps me think," she mumbles.

"Here," he says, grabbing her elbow to stop her walking. He slides the silver ring from his pointer finger and takes her hand to slip it onto her thumb, the only place it fits. The metal is warm against her skin.

"When I'm thinking or feeling anxious, I twirl this ring around my finger, and it helps me refocus and remember what's important." He says, sliding his thumb along the band, brushing her skin underneath. "Try that instead."

He releases her hand. The ring his heavy and feels out of place since she's not used to wearing jewelry. It's loose enough to twist around her thumb without falling off.

"You're giving me this?" She asks, confused.

"Try it out for a week and if you don't like it, you can give it back. If it works though, you might not need the necklace anymore." He says casually, starting to walk again.

She'd always need the necklace, but she doesn't tell him that. He didn't know what she had hidden inside.

When they get to the restaurant, the team has a set of tables in front, enough to seat ten, pushed together. Shikamaru's hand goes to her elbow again and says low in her ear, "Sit next to me, okay?"

She gives him a strange look, but nods. Then she sees why he said it.

It's not just Team 10 that's joined, but Team 7 as well. Naruto, Sai and Kakashi.

Ino is snuggled up to Sai, who looks indifferent about the whole thing, with Choji seated across from him. Naruto is next to Sai, an open seat, then Kakashi. Kurenai and Asuma are clustered across from Kakashi. There aren't even two adjacent seats available.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto calls seeing her. She waves. "I saved you a seat." Gesturing to the open seat between him and Kakashi.

She looks up at Shikamaru, not sure what to do. His hand tightens on her elbow and he guides her forward.

"Choji, move down one." He says to Choji who is across from Sai. He doesn't object, probably because this puts him right across from Ino, and moves to make 2 seats together for them to sit in. Sakura doesn't miss the look Ino shoots her, eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

"I feel like it's been forever," Naruto says to Sakura. "It's so lame now without you on missions."

Sakura frowns at the reminder and says, with love, "Of course it is, Idiot."

"She'll be back soon, don't worry." Shikamaru interjects. She shoots him a grateful smile for the support.

"Of course, she will. She's Sakura-chan." Naruto says with a grin. Then, he leans forward and in a loud whisper says, "You better hurry though. I didn't think it was possible, but Ino's even more violent than you are." Sakura has to clench her fist to keep from slapping him across the head, since that would just prove his point.

"And she's _way_ to into Sai. I don't know why. That guy's such a creep." Naruto adds, peeking at him out of the corner of his eye.

Sakura scolds in a low voice. "Naruto, they're right there. Knock it off!" But a smile creeps onto her face. She missed the idiot. This was her idiot.

And speaking of idiots.

Her gaze swings to Kakashi, only to find he's already watching her.

"Surprised to see you here, Kakashi. When did you get back in the village?" She asks, raising her voice for him to hear.

"You know I'd never miss a free meal," he says, with a smile. She doesn't miss that he hasn't answered her question. Then he asks, "Worried?"

"Of course, I was worried." She snaps. Shikamaru crosses his arms beside her and Sakura finds herself mirroring the motion. "You didn't listen to a word I said last time, did you?"

"No," he disagrees. He looks off into the air as if trying to remember. "I listened to at least half of them, maybe more."

Sakura rolls her eyes, then says briskly, "Any injuries I should know about?"

"So eager to undress me and play doctor again." He flirts. Shikamaru lets out a low growl beside her and Asuma barks a laugh.

Her face flushes, half from anger, half from embarrassment.

"Sakura-chan, you didn't really do that, right?" Naruto questions, but she ignores him.

"Don't make it sound dirty! It's my job and I _am_ a doctor." Sakura clarifies.

"That's right. Last time you were very professional." He jokes further. Shikamaru stiffens beside her, and she flushes, knowing he's thinking about the position he'd seen them in when he'd interrupted.

She lets out a huff. "I hate you right now, but I need you."

"Probably not the first time you've heard a woman say that, huh, Kakashi?" Asuma laughs and Naruto bellows alongside him.

"Asuma!" Kurenai squeaks, scandalized and Sakura's reminded with relief that she isn't the only sane woman at the table. Kurenai looks angrier than Sakura would have thought, and she keeps throwing dirty glances at Kakashi who pointedly ignores them. She didn't know if it was disapproval of Kakashi's flirty attitude tonight or if they were still in some fight.

She turns back to Kakashi, refusing to acknowledge Asuma's comment and grinds out, "For my research. I need to see you for my research. I have a deadline coming up and I'm getting nowhere."

"I'm yours. Just tell me when, where and how you want me." He answers. She ignores the inuendo.

"Tomorrow at the archives then, 6:00 pm and _don't_ be late this time." She says.

"Will it just be us again?" Kakashi says, glancing to Shikamaru for the answer.

"Tsh, not a chance," Shikamaru says with more bite than she's used to hearing from him. She shoots him a look that she hopes reads as _play nice._ He doesn't see it though. Kakashi and Shikamaru are staring each other with that hard, unreadable look again.

"It's a date, then." Kakashi says lightly. "I'll bring Pakkun too, since it seems our lap dogs will be joining us."

Shikamaru, usually so calm and steady, clenches his fist and looks ready to jump across the table. She drops a hand to his arm and silently pleads with him to stand down. He's not happy about it, but he settles back in his seat with a huff.

"So well trained." Kakashi says to himself, then pulls his little orange book from his vest pocket.

"Enough joking around, Kakashi." Sakura says. Then turns to Shikamaru, "Ignore him. He doesn't mean it."

Shikamaru doesn't know Kakashi well enough to realize this is just Kakashi being annoying Kakashi and to not take it personally.

"I don't get it." Naruto says to no one in particular. "Why's everyone so tense? This is a party!"

Choji joins, drawn out of his conversation with Ino and Sai to say, "I'll drink to that!" They both pick up their beer glasses, clink them together and then drain them in one go.

"This can't be good," she mumbles to Shikamaru. He tears his glare from Kakashi to look at her.

"What?" He asks her to repeat.

"What's gotten into you tonight?" She says rhetorically, then repeats, "Drunk Naruto and Choji seems like a recipe for disaster."

Shikamaru glances up at Naruto, who's face is already looking flushed.

"What a drag," He complains, "Let's get out of here as soon as we can."

"Agreed," She says, but after they begin eating, she finds she doesn't want to leave. She's reminded of why she loves her team. Even though they are the biggest bunch of idiots she's ever met, they were her idiots. She had to keep working, so she wouldn't lose them.

"Forehead," Ino calls to her, breaking her out of her daze. "Bathroom. Now."

Sakura sits up. She'd been leaning forward in her chair, elbows on the table and chin resting on her hand, observing a debate between Sai and Naruto about the meaning of the word 'basic' as a slang term. She goes to stand up and Shikamaru removes his arm from the back of her chair to let her out. She couldn't remember when he'd put it there. She hadn't noticed.

Once inside the bathroom, Ino ambushes her.

"What the hell is going on, Forehead?" She cries.

"What?" She asks dumbly, even though she's pretty sure what she means.

"The dick measuring contest between Kakashi and Shikamaru?" She elaborates.

Sakura blushes at her crude analogy then says, "I don't know what's gotten into them. They must not like each other for some reason."

"You're kidding, right? You seriously can't see it?" Ino asks in disbelief.

"See what?" Sakura asks, but Ino doesn't answer.

"You're such a lost cause. Tell me you have details. Did something happen between them recently?" Ino presses.

"Well something weird did happen with Kakashi," Sakura says and trails off. "Last time I saw him, I healed a gash on his side and damage in his Sharingan. He was…different, I guess. He looked at me different. Then, Shikamaru walked in at the end."

"That's what you call details?" She whines, then tries, "Different how? Like I'm going to jump your bones different or like you're my little sister different?"

"I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out." Sakura says, annoyed.

"You're so hopeless." Ino grumbles. "What about Shikamaru? Was he pissed that you guys were alone together or something?"

"I told you, I don't know." Sakura says annoyed.

"God, Sakura, I don't think I've ever seen him so riled up. There has to be more to the story." Ino wonders.

Sakura isn't sure if she wants to share the rest with Ino. It was kind of private between her and Kakashi. "Well, when Shikamaru came in, I had just finished healing Kakashi's Sharingan," She begins, editing most of it out, "and we were kind of…close. It might have looked different than it was."

Ino's eyes light up at this. "Damn, Forehead. I didn't know you had it in you."

"Nothing happened! It was an innocent misunderstanding." Sakura protests.

"You're more dense than Naruto sometimes, I swear." Ino scoffs.

Then Ino leaves the bathroom, apparently only wanting to gossip with her. Sakura uses the facilities quickly, then exits.

As she opens the door, she almost runs right into Sai, who is waiting for her outside. Naruto was right, he was a creep.

"Hag," Sai greets her, and she blanches at the terrible nickname, "I read it's customary to follow a female to the bathroom in group settings to hook-up when desired."

Sakura sputters, "I don't think you're using 'hook-up' correctly."

"Does it not mean to connect with another individual in a private setting?" Sai says expression innocent.

Sakura just shakes her head, "What can I do for you, Sai?" She says.

"I have a new jutsu I'm developing for Team 7 and require your assistance." He says, "I need a sample of blood."

Sakura snorts, "No way." Even though that was a super weird ask, it was less creepy than if he would have asked for a lock of hair or something. She shudders at that.

"I thought you would want to be included." He says looking confused. "I know officially you are not currently part of Team 7, but are you not still one of us here?" He asks, pointing to his chest.

Sakura frown softens. Coming from anyone else, that would be a low blow, but from Sai, it was actually kind of sweet. He was trying to connect with her and include her in the group and in a way, it was more thoughtful than anything Naruto or Kakashi had done since she'd been put on probation from the Team.

"What's it for?" Sakura gives in.

"I'm infusing it with my chakra paint. When I activate it, I can draw an animal and it will lead me to your location. It's very useful for team missions or messages." He says with that fake smile plastered on his face.

That _did_ sound useful. While Sakura would have probably given it to him for the sentiment alone, she recognizes an opportunity she couldn't pass up. "Fine, I'll give you a sample, but you have to do something for me in return."

"Of course. It's customary for close friends to exchange favors for one another." Sai says with what for him passes as excitement.

"You have to give me drawing lessons," Sakura says. She's thinking of Kurenai's request for her to sketch and what better than to learn from the only artist she knew.

"I'd be glad too. That was easier than I thought." He says. Then pulls out a small vile and syringe.

"You meant now?" She cries, eyeing the medical supplies. He was such a creep, but he underneath he was really trying to be more normal, so she let it slide.

She makes her way back to the table and takes her seat. Asuma and Kurneai stand as she arrives. Asuma looks a little drunk, and Kurenai subtly holds onto the back of his shirt.

"We're heading out," Kurenai says, tugging on Asuma's shirt. He laughs and throws his arm around her shoulder. She goes red and sneaks a glance at Kakashi, but his nose is squarely in the pages of 'Icha Icha Paradise'.

"We better get going too," Shikamaru groans, standing up beside her. She doesn't realize 'we' means her and him until he nudges her shoulder and says, "Ready?"

She lets out a surprised, "Oh," and stands quickly. She isn't quite ready to give up her night back with Team 7, but she should probably get back to the archives and get some work done tonight. Based on how Naruto was hunched over his drink, this night probably wouldn't last much longer anyway.

"I'll make sure Naruto gets home okay," Kakashi says noticing her worried glance. She thanks him with a soft smile.

Shikamaru's hand goes to her back and urges her forward. Right, time to get back to work.

As they head to the archives, Shikamaru seems to be in a gloomy mood.

"That was more fun than I expected. I'm glad I went," She smiles at him, trying to cheer him up. He just hums an agreement, corners of his mouth pulled down.

She suddenly feels the need to apologize. He was probably mad because of Kakashi's thoughtless teasing. "Shikamaru, I'm sorry about Kakashi back there. I'm sure he didn't mean it those jokes to come off how they did."

Shikamaru looks a little disappointed at her, "I don't doubt he meant every word of it."

"I'm sure he didn't. He's just going through a lot right now." Sakura explains with compassion. "He hasn't quite been himself."

"Don't defend him," Shikamaru snaps, "He's a grown man. He can speak for himself."

"I'm not going to stay quiet while he's being misunderstood. He's my friend." She protests, gently.

"Maybe you shouldn't trust him so easily, Sakura. He's not the man you think he is." He says darkly. The accusation seems to come out of nowhere.

"What are you talking about? I've known him for years - since I was a genin. I trust him with my life." She says, bringing a hand to her chest.

"This is so frustrating," He grumbles to the sky, shoving his hands in his pockets. "How can you only see the good parts of him and ignore all the rest?"

Sakura bristles. "What do you mean all the rest?"

He's evaluating her, whether to answer or not, jaw clenching.

She gets tired of waiting and says, "Everyone has bad qualities. If I gave up on them just for little things like," She pulls a few of Kakashi's out of the air, "being perpetually late or being a flirt, I'd have no one left."

"It's bigger than a few little things, Sakura." He says in a low, even voice.

"Then why won't you just tell me?" She asks.

"Because I don't want you to be mad at me," His words come out in a rush, "Because we were having a good night and I don't want _him_ to ruin it."

Her first instinct is to defend her friend, to defend Kakashi. She wants to say it's not his fault and it was Shikamaru not letting something go that's ruining the night. But there is a vulnerable tremble in Shikamaru's voice that stops her. She remembers looking at him in the pink light of the sunset and promising to trust him or at least try.

She lets out a long breath, trying to calm herself. She takes a few steps closer and he's watching her with careful eyes like something in her actions isn't adding up and he's picturing a hundred different versions of what she's about to say. Something about it softens her further, because it's so _him._

"I trust you." She says, looking steady into his eyes, "So just tell me."

He breaks away with a tortured look and brings a hand up to rub the back of his neck. Then his face hardens.

"He's a selfish coward." He hisses. She's taken aback at his tone and biting words.

"What?" She breathes out.

"He takes what isn't his and then runs away when he's finished. He doesn't give a damn about the consequences or who he hurts."

"Where is this coming from? Kakashi isn't like that."

"I've seen it Sakura. He and Kurenai…," He trails off struggling to find the words, "Something happened between them. Asuma and Kakashi are supposed to be friends, and yet he still did it. He took what he wanted from Kurenai and then ran away when it got real."

"What?" Sakura gasps. "How do you know that?" She asks, shocked and not wanting to believe it.

"I saw them together," is all he says not looking her in the eye. "Wasn't hard to put together the pieces after that."

"It has to be a misunderstanding." She says, still in denial. She thinks back to when Shikamaru saw Kakashi and herself, his face close and cradled in her hand, and how that must have looked from the outside. That had been explainable, a misunderstanding. This had to be the same thing. "There has to be a reasonable explanation for whatever you saw that isn't an affair."

Shikamaru shakes his head, "Don't make me go into details. There was no way to misunderstand. They were sleeping together, Sakura."

No, there's no way. Kakashi was loyal, noble, good. The man she knew for years, that always protected her team and did the right thing _couldn't_ have done that. Especially to his close friend.

"He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't betray his friend. He has more honor than that." But even as she says it, so many things start to make sense. Kurenai at his apartment. The tissues on the coffee table. The stiffness in Asuma's shoulders when she'd carelessly mentioned that night. Kurenai's bitter comments and stolen glances. Kurenai not telling Asuma about the baby.

"There's nothing honorable about what he did, and with how he's been looking at you lately...," He trails off, clenching his jaw, "I'm not going make the same mistakes as Asuma. I'm not going to let him steal you away or use you more than he already does."

Sakura's jaw drops open. She's livid. How he looks at her? Steal her way? She didn't belong to anyone. But the last thing he says is the most upsetting.

"What do you mean 'use me more than he already does'?" She hisses out.

"Of course, you don't see it," He scoffs, "A guy like him needs to play the hero, needs to swoop in at the last second and save the day. You make it so easy for him to do because you're so desperate for someone to protect you."

This cuts her deep. Shikamaru is so skilled at finding just where a person's weaknesses are and exploiting them to win. It feels like a betrayal, and she wonders if he even realizes what he's done.

"How could you say that?", she hisses, eyes welling with tears. "I'm not desperate. All of this work is so I can finally protect myself. That's all I want."

"You've always been able to protect yourself. No one is stopping you but you. And I'm sick of people like Kakashi making you believe otherwise. He's content to always have you depending on him, always _less_ than him because he's a selfish coward."

"You're wrong. He wants what's best for me." She shakes her head. Sakura holds onto the necklace at her neck without realizing it, but Shikamaru's eyes darken at the gesture.

"Then he wouldn't treat you like you're helpless." He argues.

"You're such a liar, Shikamaru." Tears are rolling down her face. She wouldn't believe it. He had to be lying, about Kurenai, Kakashi, and her. He had to be _wrong._ But Shikamaru has never been wrong yet and that thought has her heart falling to her stomach.

"I'm the only one that cares enough about you to tell you the truth." His voice lowers to a murmur, emotion simmering behind his words.

"Liar," She breathes out. "If you cared about me, you wouldn't be the one hurting me." She wipes the tears falling from her eyes. When she looks at him, there's a desperation in his eyes that's begging _understand me_.

"I'm not lying." Shikamaru pleads _._ "Don't you get it? I'm in -,"

"Sakura Haruno." A deep voice calls, cutting of Shikamaru.

Their heads whip to the man who's approached so silently. He's standing a few feet off, lurking in the shadows. The white bandages across his face seem to glow in the moonlight, but the rest of his face is thrown into darkness. Maliciousness rolls off him in waves, kicking the tense atmosphere up even higher. A spike of fear shoots through Sakura's heart.

"I'd like a word with you." It's Danzo, and he's not happy.


	6. Kept in the Dark

* * *

**Done with Love – Chapter 5**

Kept in the Dark

* * *

_Report #97_

_Agent 055_

_Blood sample collected. Seal deactivation in progress._

* * *

"I'd like a word with you." Danzo says.

Whatever hurt and anger she felt toward Shikamaru is sucked out of her body with the air in her lungs, leaving her breathless with fear.

This was the man who had her under his thumb, who would crush her life like it was nothing. This was the man who was trying to take the Hokage's seat, who commanded an army of Root agents with impunity, and who even Kakashi feared. The man who could probably have her killed the second she displeased him.

She doesn't think. She takes a step back angling herself behind Shikamaru and grabs his sleeve. He watches her from the corner of his eye.

"Alone." Danzo finishes, mouth tilting up at one side. Her stomach drops.

She wants Shikamaru to say something, to insist he isn't going to leave her alone with this dangerous spider of a man. She wants him to shield her, to protect her.

But he doesn't.

Shikamaru pulls his arm from her light grip and her eyes dart to him with mild panic.

He was so right about everything. She was desperate for someone to protect her and she knows that as his mouth tightens to a thin line, he won't do it.

He puts a hand on her back, urging her out from behind him.

"I'll be right here, waiting for you." Shikamaru says in a low voice. She shakes her head, but his gaze is steady, unwavering _._ He believes she's strong enough.

She puts one foot in front of the other, but her knees are weak. She feels the truth like liquid lightning in her gut. Shikamaru is right about everything _but_ this. She isn't strong, no matter how much she wishes she was.

She tries to take a deep breath to steady herself, but it trembles from the remnants of her tears.

"Walk with me." Danzo says, and it's more of a command than a request. He steps forward, and something strange happens. As the shadows slip from his face, all the malice rolling off him melts away as if clinging to the darkness left behind. He smiles at her, and it's sweet, unassuming. It sends a chill down her spine. Then, he turns and makes his way down the path.

She looks back to Shikamaru one last time and folds her hand into a fist, focusing on the ring pressing into her palm. He just nods, hands in his pockets, shoulders stiff.

Sakura follows Danzo, jogging slightly to catch up. Danzo's limp is severe and she must walk half her normal speed in order to stay at pace with him. Its agonizing because all she wants to do is run, and each step away makes her body coil tighter. Still, it seems to take only seconds before Shikamaru is no longer visible behind her. Until she's truly alone with the spider.

"It will rain soon, I think," He says, voice wobbling with age. "My knee always starts aching when the rain comes. Old injury from my Shinobi days," He gestures to his wounded leg and gives her a grandfatherly smile. She returns it tightly, manners on autopilot. She's put on edge by his attitude and hadn't expected small talk about aches and pains. She takes a moment to study him.

He's so frail, she realizes with surprise. He has a walking stick and leans heavily on it as he limps down the path. His face is heavy with wrinkles, too many for a man his age, a sign of acute stress. He wears a loose yukata, one arm tucked inside using the fold like a sling. The sight has Sakura's medical instincts itching to help in some way, but her kunoichi instincts pull her back. There could be a weapon hidden inside. Her arm dips to her kunai pouch, ready to draw one if the second instinct is correct.

She grows more and more confused as they walk. Supposedly this hobbling old man was the ruthless, powerful demon from her nightmares. He could be faking, trying to seem harmless and weak, but Sakura had been trained to spot the difference. She knew how to see the small details that hinted at injury. Based on the tremble in his injured leg, the way his breathing involuntarily hitched and how his reliance on the walking stick grew over the duration of the walk, she found it hard to believe this wasn't real.

They come up to a cozy tea shop. Its inviting gold light spills out into walkway and Danzo smiles as he sees it.

"Would you indulge an old man for a cup of tea?" He asks, "I'm quite weary from the walk and could uses a few minutes rest."

"Of course," Sakura assents quickly, the medic in her taking over.

She curses herself for saying it a moment later. It would be so much harder to escape inside, trapped by the space and social niceties. She doesn't want to risk offending him.

"Wonderful, my treat of course!" He says dipping his head to her.

They duck under the awning and the warm air from inside hits her. Danzo struggles with the handle of the door a few moments, juggling his walking stick. She's blindsided by a wave of pity for him, and she gives into it, reaching around to open the door.

He thanks her softly and shuffles past adding, "I'll admit, this shop is a guilty pleasure of mine. I come here quite often, and I just know you'll enjoy it."

The shop is small and cozy. Light wood floors and tables brighten the space and hints of evergreen balance the calming tones. In the back, a fireplace is lit, filling the air with the rich, smoky smell of burning wood. It's not at all what she'd imagine a 'guilty pleasure' to be for a man like Danzo. Instead she had pictured a dark club, with a fog machine and half naked women pouring alcohol or dancing for dollars.

"Danzo-sama, welcome back," A plump, middle-aged waitress, hair streaked with grey and dressed in a modest sage green kimono greets them.

"Keiko-san, lovely to see you, as always." He says back, bowing his head in return. Sakura's eyebrow's furrow, surprised that he would remember the name of a waitress.

"Would you like your usual table?" Keiko asks with a smile, but Danzo shakes his head.

"These old bones could do for a seat by the fireplace, if you don't mind Keiko dear. The night chill seems to soak right through me these days." He says, voice crackling with laughter.

"Poor thing! Let's get you settled." She gives him a sympathetic look and gestures for them to follow. "I'll get your Jasmine tea right away."

As they do, Sakura's eyes dart between them. She's wary, looking underneath the underneath, trying to see if anything more is being communicated than these unexpected pleasantries. There's nothing she can detect.

"Now, now, dear. I'm not in such a hurry that I can't ask after the children." He reassures her, "How is little Ryota-kun doing? Is he enjoying the academy?" They've reached the table by the fire, and he hangs his cane off the back of the chair before easing down into it with a groan.

"Oh, yes! He's beside himself." She lights up at the mention of her son, then deflates and adds, "Me on the other hand, I'm a ball of nerves. Proud of course, but a mother always worries."

"Rest easy, Keiko-san. I'll keep my eye on him and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble." He says with a wink.

"Danzo-sama, you're so kind. That would take such a burden off my shoulders." She squeezes his shoulder gently. "I'll be right back with your tea."

Sakura is again taken aback. She'd expected Danzo to be short, impatient, or for him to just stroll in, take a seat and have his order magically appear. She hadn't expected this – he remembered the waitress, her son's name and that he was an academy student, for goodness sake. The question was, which one was the real Danzo and which was the lie?

The question has her on edge, no longer anxious to get away, but rooted to the spot with a burning curiosity.

Danzo rests his hand on the table. The back is wrinkled, covered in liver spots and has a slight tremble to it. He addresses her again with a peaceful smile, "I must ask, how is my Sai doing?"

Sai? At first, she doesn't know how to answer that and not just because Sai is unreadable. Then she realizes as Sai's commanding officer, he probably wants to know how his performance has been.

"He's doing well, sir. His skills have only improved since joining Team 7." She says stiffly, formally.

"Yes, that's to be expected, but Sai as a person, how is he doing?" He clarifies, "You see, Sai has always struggled understanding others. He's had a rough life that has brought him to me, and I was hoping that some time with you and Uzumaki Naruto would help him connect better with those around him."

Sakura's eyebrows shoot up. She's surprised by the concern he's shown, but she tries to temper her initial reaction. Sai had been assigned to the team to execute a secret mission against Orochimaru and Sasuke, not as social rehabilitation. That's what Yamato had suggested anyway.

"I'm afraid there hasn't been much improvement there, then." She says evenly, trying not to give away anything.

"That's a shame," He murmurs to himself with a frown.

The waitress comes back with a cast iron tea kettle, decorated delicately with flowers on the sides, and two matching teacups. She pours them each a cup and the scent of Jasmine has Sakura relaxing despite herself. It is one of her favorites. Sakura curls her hand around the cup, enjoying the heat soaking through. She almost brings it to her lips, but as she feels his eye watching her reaction, she pauses. It could be drugged.

She sets it back down, and pushes chakra into the cup, searching for something that shouldn't be there while she waits for him to drink first.

"Now Sakura, shall we address the elephant in the room?" He asks and Sakura sits up straighter in her chair. Finally, they're getting to the point.

"I know the Hokage and I don't quite see eye to eye and that must put you in a very awkward position as her pupil. I assure you that has no bearing on my opinion of you. In fact, I'd like to consider us friends." He says, taking a sip of his tea.

Her eyes narrow, stomach turning. She certainly didn't want to be friends with this man and her instincts tell her this is just a tactic to get on her good side.

"You see, I've been impressed with your work for some time. Really since you started training under Tsunade. I must say, I'm quite jealous she found you before I did." He says head tilting to the side. "Especially so when you took down Sasori of the Sand. That was impressive work, well past the station of Chunin, I'd say."

She tries to squash the flattered feeling rising in her at the praise. "Thank you, sir, but most of that was really Chiyou-sama."

"I read the report, so I'm aware of the part she played. My comments still stand. That was excellent work. In creating the antidote and in the battle itself. What quick thinking to use yourself as a puppet," he praises. She can't believe he would have gone out of his way to read the report, or to remember details like those. "I'm surprised no one on your team brought that up when discussing this preposterous leave of absence."

The dig on her team has her defenses rising to her tongue, but they die off before she can voice them. Why hadn't anyone brought that up? She'd been the first person to defeat a member of Akatsuki hadn't she? No one had to protect her then. Not only that, but because of her, the Kazekage's two sons were still alive. Politically, that had be a major achievement in the relationship between Konoha and Suna.

In fact, he was the first person to voice any dissent about this probation. Wait, that wasn't true. Tsunade had implied that he was the one pressing to have her demoted if she didn't complete the training. It was his assignment that was what had triggered it in the first place, so he had to be exaggerating for her benefit.

"It was my understanding that the council, including yourself, had been pressuring the Hokage for this probation, even adding reconsidering my promotion to Chunin." She challenges.

Danzo looks offended, and it seems genuine, "Of course not. I lobbied against that. In fact, I was pressing to promote you to Special Jonin and be placed to support ANBU teams."

"Really?" Her eyebrows shoot up. It seems farfetched, but she can't swallow the flattered feeling rising in her.

"Yes, but the motion failed. Tsunade-sama was sure you weren't ready. She implied that you had struggled to pass the Chunin exams alone, which we both know is not the case."

She didn't know. It _had_ been difficult, but she'd definitely earned it. She checks herself again. This was Danzo's word against Tsunade's. She couldn't trust his words at face value.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to give my Shishou the benefit of the doubt here." She says, as tactfully as she can.

"Of course, I understand completely." He says with a placating smile, then he reaches into his yukata, "That's why I brought this along. I wanted you to know I'm on your side here, Sakura."

He pulls out a scroll, sealed with the council's insignia. She eyes him warily and takes it. The header reads 'Special Jonin Promotion Request', her name listed underneath. She skims the page and sees that Danzo has listed several references of outstanding work as evidence for a Special Jonin position. It's extremely thorough, listing not only her work in Suna with Akatsuki, but especially difficult surgeries and field saves. This would have taken a lot of time to compile.

Still, large red letters spelling 'REJECTED' have been stamped right over the text of her greatest accomplishments, not once but two times.

Tsunade has signed the bottom and noted rational.

' _While impressive, these accomplishments do not qualify for Special Jonin re-assignment. Sakura has insufficient field experience to support A and S ranked missions as evidence of recent mission reports and her performance in the Chunin examinations. Combat related activities were just enough for Chunin rank and require further growth. At this point in time, her skill gap would be more a liability than an asset on any Jonin or ANBU team, though she is sure to reach appropriate levels in 5-10 years.'_

Five to ten _years_? A _liability_? What the hell? This was an official document and it would be in her file for the rest of her career. It would be dug out whenever a future promotion would be discussed, and her own teacher, the Hokage herself, would be seen undervaluing her work, calling her a _liability._

"Why would she say something like this?" She grinds out. Her jaw clenches, holding back a string of curses.

"I'm not sure. As of late, Tsunade's been behaving quite strangely. In my experience though, sometimes teachers get attached and fear for their student's safety. Other times, they fear being surpassed in their old age."

She huffs. Either explanation sounds ridiculous, but until recently, so had the thought that she didn't have Tsunade and her team's full support. Obviously, she'd been wrong.

"In any case, it was too harsh." He continues, "I said as much when I received the feedback. It was that discussion that led other members of the council to question why you'd been promoted in the first place if the Hokage had so much doubt in your skills. It was a political blunder on her part. Unfortunately, Tsunade-sama is not as practiced a politician as she is a kunoichi."

Sakura shakes her head in disbelief. She remembers overhearing them arguing, his comments about Tsunade being a young Hokage. At the time, it had sounded like an attack, but maybe it hadn't been. It probably had been genuine advice and Tsunade had been too stubborn to take it.

"I see," Is all Sakura can manage to say. " _This_ is the reason I might be demoted then." At the hands of her own teacher, because of a mistake being brushed under the rug, her along with it.

"Unfortunately, yes." Danzo sighs and his voice is full of regret. "I promise I did what I could to sway the council. In fact, that is why I gave you the assignment to research the Sharingan. It is to prove how truly skilled you are and how vital your expertise is to the village."

That was more than Tsunade had done. _Her_ hands were 'tied'. Yeah right. Another lie. She'd implied it was the assignment that had triggered the possible demotion not the other way around. Well, the truth was out, and the damning evidence was in her hands. She couldn't refute it even if she wanted to.

"So, you've been the one trying to help me this whole time?" She asks, unable to keep the disbelief from her voice.

He chuckles and it's almost a snicker. She blushes wondering if she's offended him. "Of course, although I'm not surprised you've been told otherwise. Like I said, you are in a difficult position caught between Tsunade and myself."

Indeed. She'd felt that pressure of being in the crossfire but had taken comfort knowing that Tsunade and Kakashi were backing her up.

"That's why I wanted to see you tonight, Sakura. I want to make sure you understand the importance of my assignment." He says, face growing serious. "I wasn't sure what you'd been told and wanted to assure you it is a priority."

"I understand that, sir." She says, more annoyed than she means. That wasn't news, but she can see where he's going with this. Shame heats her cheeks. It had been weeks and she had nothing to show for her research.

"Then I'm hoping to understand the lack of progress here. Time is running out and there is much to be done." He explains. Then adds in regretful tone, "I hope I haven't overestimated your skills."

"You haven't," She says forcefully, determined to prove herself. Just because it was Tsunade's mistake that got her here didn't mean she couldn't still get herself out. "I can complete this assignment. I'm just struggling to find documents I need to begin my research."

"If its materials, that's no trouble at all." He says with a sweep of his hand, "What sort of things do you require?"

"Source materials on the Sharingan" She answers quickly, "Medical journals, patient records, autopsies, that sort of thing."

"I'm sure I can arrange clearance to the private sections of the library and archives. They should have what you need," He says with a nod.

"Actually, I have already checked the private library and it has no material on the Uchiha clan whatsoever. The Hokage's archives also have nothing of medical value. It's quite large and not well organized, so it's taking time to find what I need." She explains. He considers this for a beat.

"Curious," he murmurs to himself, then louder to Sakura, "No material at all, you say?"

"None, sir" She says with a frown, not sure where he is going with this.

"There's only one person with the power to censor the literature of an entire clan from that library." He muses, and Sakura's brows furrow. He's talking about Tsunade again. Some small part of her wants to deny it, not able to take another betrayal, but she had had the same thought in the library when she'd discovered the material missing. "Very strange indeed. Even I would be surprised if _this_ individual would go so far to slow progress on something that would benefit her own student."

"There's no evidence that's the case," Sakura defends more on reflex than with conviction. It's hard to deny when Danzo had come immediately to the same conclusion she had.

"Not yet, but strange things have been going on in the Hokage's office as of late. This is just one of many instances." He says, then leans close, voice dropping to a whisper.

"I have sources on the inside," His tone is grave, "Those truly loyal to the people of Konoha, and they report the whispers of secret meetings in the night, the things that seem to vanish and reappear altered, the lies that are told to cover the truth."

He leans even closer, and in a low voice says, "But you already know what I mean, don't you?"

She stiffens. Sasuke and Itachi's files. "You and I both know there was no training exercise, don't we?"

He couldn't know, but he does.

Her heartbeat is pounding in her ears. This accusation is much bigger than just her. This is bordering on treason. Her gaze is locked with his, looking for the smallest flicker of deception. There is none.

"Something's being hidden, and we are close to finding out what." He leans back in his chair, tucking his free hand into this yukata.

It was crazy, but she'd thought it all before. All the evidence she'd found supported his words. The question was just what _was_ Tsunade hiding and what did it have to do with her?

"Trust me, and you'll be rewarded, Sakura." He pulls a slip of paper from his yukata and slides it to her. "Here is just a taste of the help I can offer. The documents you need will be here, in this section of the Hokage's Archives tomorrow night." She doesn't think to question why he already has the location written down and prepared for her.

"How can you find this material so quickly?" She says inspecting the slip. She'd been searching for days.

"I am a man of great reach. There is little that happens in this village without my knowledge." He says with a smile. It's a little too sweet, a little too like Sai's, and the hair on the back of her neck stands on end.

"There is one more thing I'm curious about," Danzo says, smile fading. "Hatake Kakashi. I have not seen any update on the status of his Sharingan. Is there anything I should know?"

A flare of anger rises anew as Danzo says his name, remembering Shikamaru's revelation from earlier in the night. She answers tightly, "I haven't had a chance to observe him. He's been gone on missions for the past month."

"Missions? That can't be right." He says with careful surprise. "I had him taken off the roster a week into your training so that he'd be completely available to you."

Her breath catches in her throat. "That's not possible."

"I promise you it is. You can go see the roster yourself if you'd like." He sips his tea then remembers, "Actually, I might just have a copy of the request with me." He digs through his yukata and pulls out another small scroll. Sakura takes it, opening it quickly and scanning the page.

It's a similar style to the first scroll, an official request signed and approved by the council and Tsunade. Her seal shines in the bottom right corner.

Her stomach drops.

The whole time, Kakashi had been _here_ in Konoha, not off on missions or bound by any obligation. Just hiding or blowing her off. Her face heats with embarrassment and anger.

She was going to kill him.

She jumps out of her seat, barely remembering her manners.

"Thank you so much for your help, Danzo-sama," She says dropping into a deep bow. "I promise I won't let you down."

"Of course, I'd expect nothing less." He says, then bows his head in return.

She turns and storms out of the shop. The second she's out the door, she is sprinting. The air is thick and humid, making it hard to breathe as she runs. Lightning cracks across the sky, thunder rumbling soon after.

How could she have been such an idiot? She'd believed Tsunade and Kakashi at their word and both had lied to her face about this training and about Danzo. They were supposed to be on her side and yet it seemed their political games where more important than her career, her life

She wants to rage, to demand answers, to punch something. While she can't exactly barge into the Hokage's office, Kakashi was fair game. She would find him and make him explain.

His shabby apartment comes into view and she's bounding up the steps two at a time. She doesn't knock, but barrels in through the door. It's dark. The living room and kitchen are empty, so she storms down the hallway to his bedroom. She throws open the door, not caring if he's decent or alone.

The second she steps inside, someone grabs her wrists and she's slammed front first against the wall, pressed firmly in place by their full weight against her.

"Sakura?" Kakashi gasps in her ear.

"You bastard!" She thrashes against him and he releases her stepping back a half step. She spins, throwing an elbow at his face as she does. Kakashi catches it and leans sideway to avoid her other fist already swinging at his head. Then, again she's slammed against the wall, wrists above her head and chest heaving against his.

"Sakura, stop!" He yells, struggling to keep his hold on her. "What's going on?"

"You lied to me." She grinds out, heated gaze locking on his. "You said you were out of the village on missions, but you were lying. You were just blowing me off this whole time."

Kakashi's eyebrows furrow, "What are you talking about? I haven't been in the village."

"Don't even try. I have proof," She says, flicking the scroll she has grasped in her hand at his face. He catches it with one hand, releasing one of her wrists. She braces her hand against the wall at her side, trying to relieve the crushing pressure against her back. "You aren't even on the mission roster."

He doesn't open it. He knows what it is just from the seal on the outside and the last thread inside her that's clinging to disbelief snaps at the guarded expression on his face.

"Where did you get this?" he asks tightly.

"That's all you have to say for yourself?" She scoffs. He looks back up at her, determined.

"This is classified information. Not just anyone should have access to this." He shakes the scroll in his hand, then commands, "I need you to tell me right now."

"No, that's not how this is going to work. I'm the one asking the questions and I need _you_ to tell me why you lied to me." She demands, determined to keep the upper hand. "You know how important this research is to me. I'm fighting so hard to stay on the team, to stay by your side, and you've been blowing me off this whole time. Do you even want me on the team?"

His gaze turns icy and his hands tighten on her wrists. "Enough. I'm not going to tolerate you barging into my home and throwing a temper tantrum. There are bigger things at risk here than your spot in Team 7. So tell me where you got this."

"Do _not_ patronize me, you asshole." She spits at him.

"Then stop acting like a spoiled little girl." He returns.

"Fuck you!" She shoves against his chest, but he doesn't budge. The scroll thuds to the ground, and he pins her arm to the side again. "I have every right to be angry at you, so don't you dare belittle me. I shouldn't have had to hear this from Danzo of all people. It shouldn't be him offering me help. It should be you!"

"You met with Danzo?" He asks shocked and her face heats at her mistake. She's given him what he's looking for. "You can't trust him, Sakura. What else did he tell you?"

"Oh my god, you're afraid of what he might have said." She gasps, seeing the urgency in him, "What else are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing. I'm afraid of him hurting you. He's dangerous and you shouldn't have met with him alone." Kakashi insists.

"That's just another lie!" She cries, "You make him sound like some evil monster out to get me personally. Well he's not! He's just a frail, old man who couldn't even open a door on his own or walk a quarter mile without a break. I was so afraid of him. I had nightmares. I cried myself asleep on my bathroom floor for weeks for nothing because of _you_."

She expects to see some flicker of guilt at the pain she's experienced because of his exaggeration, but his face is stone cold.

"It's an act, Sakura. I thought I taught you well enough to see underneath something as obvious as that."

"You self-righteous asshole!" Instead of comforting her, he's lecturing her and that cuts her to the core. "I'm the best goddamn medic-nin in the village. I can tell the difference between a real injury and a fake one, so don't talk down to me."

He's unaffected by her words and it only agitates her further.

"What else did he say to you," he says coolly.

"You tell me, Kakashi. What is it you don't want me to know?" She challenges, eyes boring into his. He doesn't answer, doesn't give in to her attack.

Then he says with indifference, voice solid with authority. "I am your superior officer. I will only ask nicely one more time. Do not make me give an official order."

"You're pulling rank on me?" She forces out a sharp breath in shock. She wasn't some underling and he wasn't some stranger. They were close enough to be family, history stretching back for years. "We are more than that, and you know it!"

She didn't understand why he was holding her at arm's length, shutting her out.

Her voice cracks, but she continues, "We owe each other more than this. More than lying and going behind each other's backs. We're a team, Kakashi. How many times do I have to say that for you to believe it?"

She knows her heart is showing through, underneath all the hurt and anger. He can see it too. He's silent, gaze hot on her face, but for the first time all night she sees conflict in him.

"Do you have any idea what this is doing to me?" She asks, eyes swimming with tears. "I've been so scared. Scared about my deadlines, scared to be alone at night, scared of Danzo, but mostly scared you were going to get yourself killed. That you'd leave and never come back."

There it is. The truth behind all her rage. She just wanted to be let in, to make sure he was safe.

"Sakura," he breathes out and it sounds like an apology. He lets go of her wrist, resting his forearm above her head and leaning in closer. Her hand floats down to his chest, wanting to feel his beating heart there. Still here, still alive. His brows are furrowed, tortured over some battle raging inside him. His other hand reaches to her face.

She breathes in, green eyes begging him to just open up and let her in. He just needs a nudge, a reassurance, she can feel it. So, she says his words that have brought her peace so many times.

"I won't allow my comrade to die. I'll protect you with my life." Her hand slides up his chest and she breathes out, "Trust me."

It's the wrong thing to say.

His face is wiped blank, wall up between them again. The hand reaching toward her face clenches into a fist and he presses it onto the wall beside her head.

"No," He says evenly. Her eyes sting at the rejection in his tone, the finality of it, the authority in it. "I will never carelessly put your life at risk, Sakura. It's me who must protect you."

It wasn't fair. Why did he get to be the one to make these choices? Why did he get to deny her while he turned around and did the same thing?

"Well it's my life. You don't get to make that decision for me." Her voice trembles as she says it.

"You asked me to do this." His voice is flat but still feels accusatory. "You came to me crying and begging for protection and I gave it to you, so don't pretend this isn't exactly what you wanted."

He's twisting what happened after the break-in against her, using her moment of weakness to his advantage and it has her anger back two-fold.

"What I wanted was for you to help me, not to be alienated. Don't act like your some hero for pushing me out and keeping me in the dark."

He scoffs at her, head shaking back and forth.

"After just one conversation with Danzo, you turn on me so easily." He murmurs, eyes sharp. "I'm so disappointed. I thought you were better than this."

Something snaps inside of her. She's the one who had a right to be disappointed in him.

She was done with this. She was done opening herself up to him only for him to shove her back. He was such a hypocrite. He had no right to look down from his high horse at her, when she was just trying to do what he had done for her.

She wants to hurt him. She wants him to feel the same betrayal she feels.

"That's so rich. Lecturing _me_ about loyalty when you've been running around doing whatever you want no matter who it hurts. While you've been fucking Kurenai behind Asuma's back."

She's in a heap on the ground before she realizes what she's said. He's jumped back, weight no longer holding her in place against the wall.

There's a silent moment. The only sound is Sakura's ragged breathing echoing through the room. Lightning flashes outside the window, lighting up his shocked face. Thunder crashes through and still neither of them has said a word.

That's the expression she wanted. That hurt, shocked expression. For one breath it feels amazing, but as soon as he speaks, she's hollowed out again.

"How do you know about that?" His voice is low and dark. Then urgently, "Who told you?"

"It's true," Sakura breathes out, somehow finding it in her to be shocked again. She can't look him in the eye any longer. There is nothing left of the man she thought she knew there - her white knight, her protector. He had been just a straw man the whole time.

She clenches her hand into a fist, feeling Shikamaru's ring in her palm and his voice in her head. _I'm the only one who cares enough about you to tell you the truth._

Shikamaru was always right, always true. He'd tried to warn her that Kakashi wasn't the man she'd put up on a pedestal and she'd been too stubborn to listen. Her eyes burn, tears ready to spill over. She won't. She won't cry in front of him.

Sakura stands, and lightning flashes again, ushering in the tap, tap, tap of rain on the windowpane. Then she remembers Shikamaru's promise. _I'll be right here waiting, for you._ Shit. She'd left him out there waiting in the rain. It felt like a lifetime ago, but some part of her knew he would still be there. She had to leave.

"Sakura, answer me." Kakashi urges, but she doesn't owe him anything anymore. He on the other hand owes her so much.

"Miss another one of my appointments, and I'll make sure you regret it." She threatens and flees back out the bedroom door. She doesn't look back and he doesn't stop her.

The minute she's out the front door, her tears fall, not able to keep the hurt at bay any longer. It's pouring. She tries to hurry, but she can hardly put one foot in front of the other.

Everything from the night hits her in waves. Her upcoming evaluation, Shikamaru's accusation, Danzo's appearance, Tsunade's mistakes, Kakashi's betrayal. The pressure, the uncertainty is suffocating.

The line dividing who she could trust and who she couldn't had been washed way. She didn't know what to do next, who to believe.

She feels like she is stranded in the ocean, being ripped one way then the other by churning waves and only just breaking the surface to breathe. It is so dark, so cold. She just wants a moment's rest but if she stops for even a second, she'll slip below the surface and drown.

She sees Shikamaru then in the distance and comes to a stop.

Even after so long, even in the pouring rain, he's kept true to his word. Shikamaru hadn't abandoned her. He has taken cover under a tree and is pacing back and forth, reaching for a ring on his pointer finger that isn't there. She touches it, on her own hand now.

He sees her coming and takes a few quick strides toward her into the rain before freezing. His eyes have that vulnerable glint in them, scanning her and trying to see into the future. He doesn't know what she'll do, doesn't know what the next move is and that has him frozen to the spot.

She should be angry with him. Even though he'd told her the truth, he'd still hurt her. She shouldn't give him the opportunity to get close again and wield her weaknesses against her when it suited him. She should turn around and never look back.

But she couldn't. And something inside her realized how broken that meant she was.

She couldn't walk away, because if she was drowning in an ocean, Shikamaru was her rock. He was the only solid, dependable, true thing in the shifting waves of her life. She needed him. God, she needed him.

Suddenly she's running again, arms coming around him, face buried in his chest. He stiffens a moment in surprise before melting around her, one hand on her back pressing her firmly against him, the other threading fingers through her wet hair. His heart is racing against her face. Steady and strong.

Finally, she feels safe again. She lets out a trembling breath, tears coming stronger. He feels the shaking in her shoulders and presses his cheek to the top of her head.

"What happened?" He asks against her head and she can feel it reverberate in his chest.

"You were right," is all she can say, "You were right about everything." She squeezes him tighter, hands balling into fists in his shirt, and lets out a sob into his chest. His answer surprises her.

"I'm sorry," He breathes out. Not 'I told you so', not 'You should have believed me'. I'm sorry.

Her knees go weak and he tightens his hold, bearing most of her weight. She's still so angry at everyone, but mostly at herself for being so naive.

She's not ready to face that yet. She's not ready to turn all of this hate and pain inward because she'll crumble and sink below the waves.

So, she says through sobbing breaths, "I'm still mad at you."

His answer rumbles though her, and he pulls her closer still, "I know."

* * *

Sakura digs through her drawers, looking for her oversized sweatpants and an old tee-shirt of Naruto's she took home on accident after a mission. She's already changed into dry clothes, her own thrown in the dryer. She finds the shirt, grabs a fresh towel from linen closet in the hallway and returns to the entryway where a very waterlogged Shikamaru was waiting.

"Bathroom is on the left and the dryer is inside." She says, handing the items to him. She can't look him in the eye. After coming down from the emotional roller coaster, she feels nothing but a strange shyness around him. She'd cried against him longer than she'd like to admit. It's probably just that she just doesn't want to see pity on his face, but more likely the vulnerability of that moment has her feeling exposed and unsure how he'll react now that it's over.

Shikamaru thanks her and follows her directions. She makes her way to the kitchen to prepare tea.

Just as she's pouring the hot water into mugs, she hears her dryer kick on, Shikamaru's wet clothes and her own tumbling inside. She comes back into the living room, steaming drinks in hand. He's turned the lamp on, warming the room with dim, golden light and is now sitting on the couch with a towel over his head, drying his hair. She's relieved the sweatpants fit, but he's forgone the T-shirt.

"Shirt didn't fit?" She asks, setting his mug on the coffee table in front of him.

"I just can't stand the color orange," he grumbles beneath the towel.

"It was that or an Uchiha fan on the back. I thought you'd rather have the orange," She jokes, trying to ease her anxiety. She'd never managed to steal one of Sasuke's shirts. She shakes her head, then remembers the shirt she did take from the compound that night she found the notes. That was technically Itachi's though.

"Definitely a pass on the fan girl memorabilia." He says, and she can feel him roll his eyes, even without seeing his face.

She scoffs at him and snatches the towel from his head, ready to snap back at him, but her breath catches in her throat.

His hair is down. She's never seen it down. It's damp, and slicked back from his face, hanging all the way to his collar bone. He reaches up, bicep flexing as he does, and rakes a hand through it trying to smooth out some of the tangles. Her throat suddenly feels dry.

There's nothing 'bookishly cute' about this Shikamaru. It's so much softer than the severe ponytail, highlighting the sharpness in his eyes and cheeks. He looks cooler and with his earrings he almost has a bad boy vibe. She swallows, failing to find the word she's searching for to describe him.

"You know I'm not serious, right?" He ask with a raised eyebrow, misinterpreting her stunned expression.

"Of course," her voice cracks. She shakes the train of thought from her head and drops onto the couch a respectable distance away.

Shikamaru grabs his mug from the table and turns to face her, tucking one foot under the opposite knee and leaning an elbow against the back of the couch. It's quiet long enough that she begins to spiral down into her thoughts again, chest feeling heavy.

"Hey," Shikamaru says gently, hand coming to her shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," She breathes out, glancing up at him. His eyes are distressed and roam her face.

She's so tired, emotionally and physically. Much too tired to relive everything again. She doesn't want to think and remembers a game they play at the archives when she needs a mental break. Not really a game, but she makes Shikamaru come up with inconsequential things to talk about. Shikamaru hates it, but always indulges her.

"Distract me." She orders, and his gaze refocuses on hers.

"How?" he murmurs, eyes sliding off her face as he brushes a lock of hair behind her shoulder. His fingers brush her neck as he does.

"Like you do at the archives." She answers.

Suddenly he's wearing that pout again, for some reason disappointed by her answer and says, "I might have used up all my material for today," then his hand goes to rest on the couch behind her.

"Please, Shikamaru. Literally anything," she requests, then suggests the first thing that pops in her head. "Tell me about your Akatsuki strategies."

He laughs through his nose, "You must really be desperate to ask me that."

"I just want to listen to your voice for a while." She admits wearily, wanting to hear anything but the clanging thoughts in her head. She leans her head back against the sofa and slides her eyes closed, missing the way the corners of his mouth twitch up at her words. He gives in. He always did.

"We actually just got some new intel on Akatsuki. Their movements are getting closer and closer to our boarder. Seems they are amassing stores of money by taking freelance missions and acting as bounty hunters. For what, we don't really know, but it does give us some ideas for where they might show up next." He explains, setting his mug on the table and his eyes settle on the bookshelf in the corner of the room.

The distraction is working, and she relaxes further against the couch. As she does, her shoulder blade lights up with pain from where Kakashi slammed her against the wall.

"The best option right now would be to set up an ambush with two or three chunin teams stationed outside every bounty collection center in the area." He continues.

Sakura reaches up to try and rub the tender area on the back of her shoulder, wincing slightly. The movement catches Shikamaru's eye.

"To even stand a chance, we'd need to outnumber them 4 to 1…" He trails off, brows furrowing at her raised arm. "Are those…?"

She follows his gaze to see four angry red finger shaped bruises wrapping around her wrist. He takes hold of her arm before she can draw it away. Its gentle and she knows if she even shifts, his hand will fall away without resistance, but she doesn't.

"How did you get these?" He demands and her face heats with shame. She doesn't want to explain or face how stupid she'd been.

"It's nothing," she tries and turns her face away. He catches that too, tilting her gaze back to his.

"Sakura, tell me what happened." He urges, face filling with worry. Something gives way in her.

She takes a deep breath and breathes out. She just can't tell him everything, not about the break-in, her misunderstanding about Danzo, or her suspicions about Tsunade, so she settles with an edited version of the truth.

"Danzo had Kakashi taken off the mission roster weeks ago, so he's just been skipping our appointments the whole time. When Danzo told me – and after what you had said – I just got so angry. I went to Kakashi's apartment."

Shikamaru's gaze freezes over with lethal sharpness, but he doesn't interrupt.

"I just wanted to hurt him. Punch him through a wall or something." She murmurs, shaking her head in Shikamaru's grasp and he releases her chin. "He put me in a hold to stop me."

"Hard enough to leave bruises?" Shikamaru fumes.

"I didn't exactly make it easy. I was using my enhanced strength." She mumbles, bringing her free hand to the mark and erasing it with healing chakra.

"Did he do anything else?" It's just a murmur, but his eyes flash dangerously. She shakes her head and his voice drops even lower, gaze softening, "You can tell me anything, Sakura. It's okay."

Its gentle and she knows its true. Her heart swells for him, but so does the shame she feels.

"My back might be a little bruised too, but that's it." She says softly, eyes dropping to her hands.

"Can I see it?" He asks.

"No," she says lightly, trying to be reassuring. "No, I'm fine really."

"Sakura," his eyes are unyielding. "Please."

She sighs. She'd do just about anything to smooth the worried expression from his face, so she turns her back to him.

He lifts the hem of her shirt and swears under his breath.

"Is it bad?" She asks quietly. From the way it hurt and Shikamaru's reaction, she already knows the answer.

"How did it happen?" Is all he returns, dropping her shirt again. There's a strange tremble in his voice.

"I already told you how," she murmurs wearily.

"Sakura," he breathes out. He thinks she's lying but she doesn't know why. "You don't have to lie for him."

She turns back to face him. He's angry and scared, she thinks. His hand is clenched tight in a fist, so she covers it with her own, trying to comfort him somehow.

"I'm not. I'm fine, really." But his fist clenches tighter beneath her hand. His eyes drop to where they are connected, and he takes in a deep breath. He wants to ask her something, but he's scared, ashamed.

"Did he force himself on you?" he finally says, eyes casted downward still.

Oh. She sucks in a surprised breath. Now she understands. Bruises on her back, marks on her wrists, her tears earlier. From the outside, it did look that way.

"No," she says firmly. He turns further away from her. "He would never -"

"Don't finish that sentence." He snaps. Then lets out a breath, reining in his anger, "I can get Ino if you'd feel more comfortable-,"

"Look at me," again the demand is firm but soft. When his eyes meet hers, her heart breaks at the worry and guilt in them. She rubs a thumb across the hand she's holding. "I'm fine."

He holds her gaze, searching for any sign that she's covering up for Kakashi but there's nothing there. He lets out a breath and his shoulders sag.

"I should have come with you." He sighs.

"I wanted you to." She admits, then with a half-hearted smile, trying to coax one out of him as well. "But someone wanted to teach me a lesson. Prove himself right."

"Apparently I need to revisit the one on rushing into danger without a plan." He grumbles. Normally she'd be angry about a comment like that, but she isn't. She knows he's just worrying over her. All she can manage to feel is grateful.

His hand shifts under hers, threading their fingers together.

"Thank you for worrying about me, Shikamaru." She says, staring down at their connected hands. It feels good that someone cares about her wellbeing. She just wished Kakashi had as well.

"Tell me everything," he requests, eyes locking with hers.

For the first time she considers it. It would be so easy to just lay everything out on the table. To have someone with her who knew it all – Danzo, Tsunade, the massacre, everything - would be such a relief. Not just someone, she thinks, but Shikamaru. He was so smart, he'd think of a way out of this. He would know exactly what to do and who was behind this.

She wants to tell him everything, but for some reason she can't. If she lets him into this part of her life, she invites all the darkness she carries with it. She'd lose the sanctuary she'd built with him. The peace, quiet, the escape.

She needed that. She needed him, exactly as he was. The uncertainty of change was too much right now, so she'd preserve this relationship, this friendship, for as long as she could. Her soul settles at the decision.

She tells him what she can, sticking only to what is relevant to her training. She explains her misconceptions about Danzo, the Special Jonin request, Tsunade's mistake that led to her probation, the second scroll with Kakashi's request off the mission roster and finally going to Kakashi's apartment. Nothing about the treasonous accusations Danzo leveled. He listens patiently and passes no judgement on her. Still by the end, that crushing feeling is back. The pressure of all these things piling up on her.

"It's just so much," She finishes, letting out a long breath. A moment of déjà vu settles over her and suddenly she's back on Kakashi's couch after the break-in feeling small and wanting to be given all the answers. "Tell me what to do. Tell me how I get through this."

"That's not how this works," Shikamaru murmurs, shaking his head. Shikamaru wasn't Kakashi. He wasn't going to do everything for her when she fell down. He would give her a hand, help her to her feet and they'd get through this together.

"Tell me what you think you should do." He says. She squeezes his hand tighter.

"I just want to give up. It's too much pressure," She says, hanging her head. " And what's the point of doing any of this training when my team doesn't even believe in me?" She's thinking about Tsunade's harsh comments and Kakashi shutting her out. Would that really change if she passed the evaluation at the end of the training?

"Are you really only doing this for them?" He asks. It's a leading question, she knows it.

"You want me to say no." She grumbles and he returns a smirk.

"I want you to be honest with yourself." He clarifies, head tilting to the side.

She lets out a huff and tries to search inside for the answer, but she can't focus. Every pathway just leads to more questions, about herself, about what her team thinks of her and about this big secret being kept from her.

"I don't know," She finally breathes. The pressure is closing in on her again, and it's hard to take in air. "I can't think straight. I'm just so overwhelmed."

His thumb strokes his ring on her finger. "Do you remember what I said when I gave you this ring?"

It felt like forever ago, but it was just earlier tonight. She remembers, "You said it helps you think."

"Yes, and I also said it helps me refocus on what's important." He adds, leaning closer. His expression is open, unembarrassed. "It easy to get caught up trying to predict everyone's choices, everyone's motives, and in trying to plan 20 moves ahead. But worrying about all of that can get overwhelming. Sometimes, you need to just come back to the present and focus on what you can control. Take things one move at a time."

Even now, just focusing on his steady voice is calming. She holds his gaze and feels herself start to settle again. One thing at a time. She could do that.

"Will you try it for me?" He asks, head cocking to the side. His hair spills over his shoulder as he does.

"Okay," she agrees. She turns toward him on the couch, crossing her legs in front of herself. She feels suddenly a little silly and isn't sure what to do.

"Close your eyes," he says, and she does.

The world goes dark. Its one less thing for her mind to process, one less distraction from her thoughts. Her brow furrows, mind filling with buzzing phrases. _Liability. Rejected. Something is being hidden. Spoiled little girl. I thought you were better than this._

"Take a deep breath," he instructs, voice low and even. She focuses on the sound of his voice, letting it echo through her, pressing down the fragments of her memories. "Let everything else around you fall away."

She does as he says, inhaling deeply. The scent of pine and earth fills her, grounds her. She exhales fully, pushing out all of her worries, her doubts. Her shoulders relax slightly.

"Again," he instructs. She can feel the heat coming off him against her legs, and she inhales again, taking in his smell, the smell of Nara forest. She pulls on the calm of that place, the steady certainty of it. She doesn't think about anything else, anyone else.

"Better," he murmurs, seeing her relax fully. "Now focus on what's right in front you."

He means what's figuratively right in front of her, the next move, but all she can focus on is him. He's a physical anchor tethering her to the present. He's a distraction from all the chaos in her mind.

She opens her eyes, taking in all the familiar details in his face. His high cheek bones, the corners of his mouth, his quick mahogany eyes. He leans forward and his hair tumbles over his shoulder. She wants to reach out and brush it back, as he had done to her earlier in the night.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice is low, dark. Barely above a whisper. Her gaze slides to his and the heat in his eyes, the question behind them, has her breath coming shallow and fast.

"You," she answers mindlessly. His throat bobs, drawing her eyes away and they seem to take their time sliding back to his again.

She had already decided she didn't want anything to change in their relationship. That the uncertainty of her life was too much, and this one steady thing was the only thing holding her together. But she could already feel something shifting between them. Something pulling her in.

"I didn't mean that literally," he murmurs. His lips quirk up at the corners.

She can feel his breath on her cheeks and his eyes drift down to her lips, watching for her to answer.

Where had the space between them gone? Each fraction of a second she remained silent it grew smaller still.

"I know," she breathes out. His eyes darken.

The tone of the clothes dryer starts her out of the moment, back going straight.

"Your clothes are done," she states automatically, standing abruptly.

"Great," he grumbles, falling back against the couch.

She strides over to the window, hand to her chest, trying to slow her beating heart. She peaks out the window, checking for rain and stalling for a chance to think.

She'd gotten carried away, imagined something that wasn't there, she scolds herself. Here Shikamaru was really trying to help her and she was too busy scavenging for endorphins and getting carried away by the nearness of a clearly attractive man. They were friends and that was all they were. She'd already decided that.

Refocus, she thinks. What's the next move. Out of everything that was happening, the only thing she could control is getting better in training and doing her research. Whatever was going on between Danzo, Tsunade and Kakashi was out of her hands. If she just buckled down and worked, there was still a chance she could come out the other end ahead.

Then she could worry about all the rest. Later.

She finally processes what's happening outside the window. It's pitch black and still pouring.

The night has disappeared on her, and as her heartbeat slows, again she feels completely drained. She just wants to curl up in bed and sleep.

"It's getting late and it doesn't look like the rain is letting up. Why don't you stay here for the night? I'll make up the couch for you." She offers over her shoulder with a smile.

His eyes are already on her and when they meet hers, they dart away, like she's caught him staring.

"Okay, thanks," he accepts with a faint blush.

She disappears to get the linens. It seems like a selfless offer to keep him out of the rain, but she's filled with a selfish relief. She won't be here alone. Maybe she'll finally sleep soundly with not only her seals on the windows but Shikamaru in the house.

* * *

Sakura's not sure what wakes her, but her eyes blink open. The night air wafting through her window has chilled the room, and she shivers underneath her thin blanket and nightgown. She throws off the blanket, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. The floor is icy under her bare feet, so she quickly pads to the open window, sweeping aside the billowing curtains.

She reaches up to pull the window down, jimmying it a few times to get it to move. When it finally does, it slams down with a crack, cutting off the whistling of the wind outside. The lock flicks closed under her quick fingers, and her hand slides down over the sill. Over torn paper. Over the broken seal.

Her heart thunders, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She spins, ready to pounce on the intruder but she's thrown down to the floor before she can see them. Her head cracks against the wood, pain exploding in her head, vision flashing white. He straddles her waist while she recovers from the blow, legs clamping down on hers and one hand traps her wrists above her head. Her nightgown is bunched to her waist, but she has no regard for modesty. She struggles against him, chakra flooding her limbs but it's not enough. He's holding her solidly to the ground.

Finally, she looks up at his face. The lower half is covered in a familiar mask, his mismatched eyes dull and lifeless.

"Kakashi," She gasps.

"Hello, Sakura," His voice is dark, threatening. "You're going to answer my questions now."


	7. Unseen Intentions

**Done with Love – Chapter 6**

Unseen Intentions

* * *

_Report #98_

_Agent 055_

_New Orders Received for Phase 3._

_Pulled the following items from the "Priority 2" Notification list and deposit in Section 13-B of the Hokage's Archives:_

_\- Patient Record/Autopsy ID#'s 13857 – 13887 [edited]. **Excluded 13859-13863 & 13872-13879 **as requested._

_\- Items 239-260: Misc. Uchiha Clan censored materials_

_Complications with seal removal. Unexpected guest in residence. Delayed until new in can be established._

* * *

"Kakashi," She gasps, bucking against him again, "Let me go."

He reaches behind him, into his weapons pouch and pulls out a kunai, dragging the tip up her bare leg. Her stomach drops and she suddenly feels very exposed.

"I can't do that, Sakura." His voice is deadly calm. He slips the kunai up under the bunch of her nightgown at her waist, cool metal pressing into her hip. He leans down to put his mouth at her ear and her chest heaves against him. He whispers gruffly, "I need answers. Isn't that how this works? I let myself into your bedroom, attack you and demand answers?"

There's something crazed in his eyes, something she doesn't recognize and it has her speaking quickly what she thinks he wants to hear, "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

"Hmm," Kakashi considers. He dips his head low, brushing his cheek against hers. Then he breathes into her ear, "I know how you can make it up to me."

"What are you doing?" she gasps. She can't scream, can't pull in enough air to do it. Her breath comes even faster, panic setting in. "Stop."

"Not until I get my answer," He responds. He pulls up on the kunai, ripping through the fabric of her night gown.

The truth is on her lips immediately, but she bites it back, not wanting to put Shikamaru in harm's way. Her mind races, trying to think of a way out of this, but panic erases every thought before it can finish forming.

He continues to drag the kunai up until her nightgown is completely sliced open. With one final flick of his kunai, the fabric falls away and she's completely exposed to him. The air is still chilled and she feels goosebumps rise on her bare chest.

"No," she gasps, turning her face from his hot breath panting in her ear. Thunk. Faster than she can blink, he drives the kunai down into the wood beside her face. Her eyes stretch wide and she lets out a strangled shriek.

"Look at me." He demands in a voice more terrifying than she's ever heard. She slowly turns her gaze back to his, trembling with fear. His Sharingan is spinning furiously, memorizing her every expression. "I don't want to do this, Sakura, but I have to."

She whimpers and he strokes the back of his hand down her face as a hot tear rolls down her cheek. "Sh, sh, sh, don't cry." He says wiping the tear away with his pointer finger. "This will be fun, I promise."

He drags his finger, wet from the tear, down her cheek, down her throat, between her breasts. Her mind finally produces a name.

"Kurenai-sensei." She lies. He wouldn't hurt Kurenai. "She told me."

"Disappointing," He hums. His masked covered lips brush against her throat and she whimpers. "I'll have to deal with her after you."

"D-deal with me?" She repeats. Her blood runs cold.

He lets out a chuckle and it rumbles against her chest.

"I can't let you live." He says as if speaking to a child.

She's about to cry for help, but he shifts, lips slanting over hers. All she can taste is the cotton of his mask and sour fear on her tongue.

He pulls back briefly, and then she feels the skin of his lips against her cheek, unencumbered by the mask.

"Why are you doing this?" She gasps.

"Because," He begins. Something shifts. His lips are no longer dominating, but soft, ghosting across her skin. He presses a trail of kisses down her jaw, back to her neck.

He speaks again, but it isn't his voice anymore. It's smoothed out into a rich tenor.

"You know my secret," He says gently, breath caressing her throat. He pulls back, and she's suddenly gazing into two Sharingan eyes. Itachi's eyes. She can't explain why, but relief floods her and something else that has her chest warming. His gaze never leaves her face and there's awe in it, she thinks. His fingers brush over the necklace resting on her chest, his words coiled inside. "You know, and still you keep me so close to your heart."

Was this real? Was he real? Her hands are free now, she realizes, and she reaches up to his face, seeing if he's just an illusion. His cheek is warm under her hand, and his eyes slide shut, leaning into her touch.

She parts her lips to reply.

A high-pitched, crackling whine pierces through the air and blue lightning shoots through Itachi's chest. Chidori.

"No!" She cries. Her eyes go wide. Hot blood pours thick onto her stomach from the wound and he coughs once, splattering her face with more droplets of it.

The lighting coated hand yanks backward from Itachi's chest, and he falls to the side, revealing a dark form in front of her. She jolts upright, reaching to catch him, but he's already dead.

Tears burn her eyes, turning to face the attacker. His red eyes glow in the dark room, menacing. Blue light from his Chidori dances across his face, the white of his open shirt, and the bare skin of his chest. It dies out from his hand, now black with blood.

"Sasuke," she hisses. Rage filling her, "What have you done?"

He smirks, kneeling beside her. His mouth opens but two voices mingling together sound when he speaks.

"It's all your fault," He says. It's her own voice, she realizes, mixed with his. He leans forward into the moonlight, hair lengthening, lightening until it's her own face above her with Sasuke's Sharingan eyes staring back. An eerie too wide grin stretches across her face, teeth baring through. Then she speaks, taunting, and the voices shift from Sasuke's to fully her own. "If only you had been stronger, you might have saved them."

Sakura can't breathe, heart pounding in her ears as the _thing_ above her reaches out its blood-soaked hand, pressing two fingers into her forehead.

It purrs, "Maybe next time."

Sakura shoots up out of bed, panting. It was just a dream. Still her eyes dart around the room for an intruder. There is no one and the windows are sealed.

She tries to catch her breath. Sweat covers her skin and her throat is raw, like she's been screaming. The details of her nightmare are slipping through her fingers, but the terror remains. She knows it was different this time. It wasn't Danzo and his faceless ROOT agents attacking her, but Kakashi, Sasuke and… She brings her hand to her forehead. She can still feel the warm, wet kiss of blood there, fingerprints pressed right over the cluster of chakra building beneath her skin. Over the incomplete Yin Seal.

A chill rattles through her. The room feels to big, too exposed. She grabs her pillow, heading to the bathroom to try and sleep the rest of the night, but as she opens her bedroom door, she remembers Shikamaru is sleeping on the couch. For the first time since she woke up, she breathes a full breath. She wasn't alone.

She moves to the living room as quietly as she can, hoping not to wake him. He's sleeping soundly, one arm hanging outside the blanket covering him and off the edge of the couch, knuckles brushing the floor. Just the sight of his peaceful face has her relaxing as well.

Setting her pillow down, she slides onto the floor in front of the couch. A warmth fills her chest, just like in her dream. Was she still dreaming? She wants to touch him, to prove he's really there, so she reaches out and takes his hand. It's warm, solid, real.

He stirs, groaning, and peers over his arm at her.

"Sakura?" He slurs.

"Nightmare," Is all she murmurs. He hums back.

"Move over," he says to her surprise. She wiggles to the side and he slips off the couch dragging his pillow and blanket with him. He pulls the blanket over them both and settles back down onto his pillow, dark hair fanning out under his head. He releases a long breath out, eyes sliding closed.

The fear thaws away completely. Shikamaru was always kind in the most unexpected ways. She couldn't imagine her life without him in it anymore. He was her closest friend. When had that happened? She tries to remember but can't. It all runs together, thousands of little moments woven tight and she can't find the beginning.

Hopefully he won't mind, but she can't hold back the impulse. She curls up on her side, hands cradled to her chest and rests her head against his upper arm. His skin is warm and soft against hers.

He doesn't notice. He's asleep again before she's even moved.

* * *

Bang, bang, bang.

Sakura wakes to pounding on her front door. She's disoriented for a moment, not in her bed like usual and her back aching from the hard floor beneath her. She groans, starting to rise to answer it, but Shikamaru's hand darts to her arm.

Oh right. Her cheeks heat, turning to look down at him lying beside her.

"Leave it." He grumbles, peaking at her through one eye. "Too early."

He's obviously not a morning person, she thinks with a smile.

"That means its probably important," She laughs, getting to her feet. He groans something suspiciously close to 'troublesome', stealing her pillow and dragging it over his face.

She throws open the door.

"Sai?" She says, looking him up and down. He's got that artificial grin on and is carrying a casserole dish and a large paper bag with him. "What are you doing here?"

"Good morning, Hag. You said you wanted drawing lessons, correct? Well, I'm here to help." He says cheerily. Sakura winces. She looks back at the clock in living room, a little past six in the morning.

"Isn't it a little early for that?" She says wearily.

"I was sure to follow proper social protocol." He says, eyes wide and innocent. "I waited until past 6-oclock and I brought the customary casserole."

Her shoulders drop and she lets out a frustrated sigh. She was pretty sure whatever book he'd read that in meant 6 pm. It had probably been for a dinner party too. How could someone be so annoying and so heartwarming at the same time? He was like a stray dog, mangy enough to be off-putting but sincere enough to worm into your heart anyway.

"May I come in?" He asks, gesturing forward with the casserole dish.

"I'm not even dressed yet, Sai." She returns.

"I can wait." He insists with a smile, her hints to leave flying right over his head.

She knows that if she's just blunt with him, he'll go without feeling injured, but she remembers something Danzo said last night. He'd said Sai had a rough upbringing before coming to ROOT and that he hoped Sakura would help him become more normal. Maybe she was too hard on Sai. He was obviously trying, so what was the harm in letting him.

"Fine," she sighs, turning to the side to let him in through the door.

She thinks she hears Shikamaru grumble "You've got to be kidding me," in the living room behind her.

Sai brushes past her, handing her the casserole as he does. He takes off his shoes quickly before he spots Shikamaru starting to stand in the living room ahead.

"Oh, hello," he calls. Shikamaru doesn't respond, but his face turns sour.

Sakura blushes, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. Shikamaru has wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, pillow under his arm and he's glaring at her lightly. He shuffles past her, hunched over.

"I'm taking your bed," he informs her without asking and makes his way to the bedroom. Definitely not a morning person.

"Hang on, I need to get my clothes first," she calls after him as he disappears down the hall. She turns to Sai, handing him back the casserole dish, "Wait in the kitchen, and _don't_ touch anything."

"Okay," he agrees and moves to obey.

She tries to be quick to shower and get dressed but takes the time to fold Shikamaru's clothes from the dryer and set them on the nightstand in her room for him. He's burrowed under the covers of her bed, apparently having made himself right at home, sleeping soundly when she does. She doesn't know if he hears her, but she mutters a quick apology before backing out of the room again.

Sai is lingering near the window in the living room when she returns. He's running a hand over the seal pressing down the edges.

"I said not to touch anything," she snaps, panic making her voice a little shrill. She rushes over, hoping he hasn't damaged it.

"What's this for?" He asks innocently. The seal still looks intact luckily.

"It's a bad neighborhood," She lies, crossing her arms. He doesn't question her.

"Don't worry. Only attractive women are targeted by most criminals," he tries to be reassuring.

She grinds her teeth. She was going to need coffee if she was to get through this morning without killing him.

After what feels like an eternity later, Sakura is starting to question her sanity.

She was smart. She was observant. She was good with her hands.

She had all the right skills. This should be easy.

So why can't she seem to draw an apple to save her life?

Sai comes to peer over her shoulder and her face burns with embarrassment.

"You should give up now." He says in a sweet tone.

"It's not that bad." She protests, but it really is. "Let me see yours?"

He pics up his sketch book and hands it to her. When she sees his drawing, she wants to crumple it up and throw it at his head. It's almost perfect: well-shaped, perfectly shaded. He'd even started to outline her form on the other side of the table.

"You were only supposed to take 5 minutes, Sai." She accuses.

"I only took 3. I did not wish to make you feel inferior." He says with eyebrows raised. Then his too big smile is on his face and he says, "I see now, that was a futile objective. I would never be able to create something near that level even if I was blindfolded."

She throws the whole sketch book at his head. He dodges and catches the book between his palms.

"This is a lesson, isn't it? So, tell me how to do it right!" She barks.

"If you insist." He says with that smile. It's so condescending. She wants to punch him in the face.

He pulls up a seat near her, looking from her point of view. "Look closely at the object you want to draw. Observe its forms carefully. Then move your pencil across the paper in curves that match what you see. Before long, you will have a complete sketch on your paper." He finishes with a smile.

Sakura just stares.

"So, look at the apple and then draw the apple." She deadpans.

Sai nods. "Precisely."

This lesson was such a bad idea.

"Sai, I say this with love. You are the worst teach I've ever seen!" She cries at him.

"And you are the worst student I have ever seen." Sai says with a smile. She growls.

In hindsight, trying to learn how to put emotions into a picture from a guy who was emotionally neutered was a _terrible_ idea. And she'd paid him in advance, literally with her blood.

"Don't you remember how you were taught? Maybe you can just repeat whatever they said to you to me now." She grinds out, determined to get something of worth out of this.

"I have been drawing since I was a child." Sai says, "I do not remember learning. Although, my brother did encourage me to start. He gave me my first sketchbook."

Sakura's shoulders relax, "I didn't know you had a brother."

"Yes, well, technically we were not brothers in the true sense, but I cannot remember a time as child when he was not with me. Circumstances made us brothers, I suppose." He explains. "We trained together under Danzo in ANBU Root."

The look on his face is the most emotion she'd ever seen from him. His mouth is turned up at the corners, but his eyes have a deep sadness.

"Whether you share parents or not, he can still be a brother to you. I'd love to meet him someday, Sai." Sakura says with an encouraging smile.

Sai's smile widens slightly, but he says, "He's dead."

"Oh," Is all she says for a few moments. Then softly, "I'm sorry. How did it happen?"

"I cannot divulge that information," He says, then points to his mouth, "My seal prevents me from speaking of such things."

Her heart sank. The Cursed Tongue Eradication Seal. Kakashi had said it kept Danzo's agents from speaking against him. Seemed that at least was true.

"Was her killed in the line of duty?" She asks quietly.

"I cannot divulge that information." Sai says robotically, looking away.

"Whatever happened, I'm so sorry Sai. It must have been hard to lose him." She comforts him. He smiles, and his eyes drop to his sketchpad, drawing again.

"Thank you, Sakura. You are a very kind person," He murmurs, but his eyes still hold a sadness, a guilt she wants to erase.

"I had tea with Danzo yesterday. He asked how you were doing," She says. His pencil falters across the page.

"Really?" he says tightly, "That's strange."

"Why is that? He seemed like he really cared how you were fitting in on the team," She explains.

"Because of who he is as a person, I suppose." He replies with a shrug.

"What kind of person is that?" She asks, trying to keep her tone casual, but she's burning with curiosity. It was a question she had since meeting him. Which version of Danzo was real? Kakashi's or her own? A rush of bitterness rises up at the thought of Kakashi, but she shoves it back. Focus on one thing at a time.

"I cannot divulge that information." He says simply.

This phrase was his standard non-answer, it seemed. It told her so little and so much at the same time. If Sai couldn't say, then what ever he thought probably wasn't positive. But how bad was it? Did he fear him, disagree with him, just dislike him?

She holds back a frustrated sigh. All she wants is to hear about Danzo from someone who knows him intimately, to tell her what he was really like, but the seal complicated things.

She tries again, "There has to be something you can say about him."

Sai is quiet for a few moments, thinking of how to answer. His fake smile comes back as he says, "Danzo is a strong leader, very powerful, and committed to the village."

She doesn't know what she expected. It's nothing she hadn't heard before or experienced the night before.

"He made me into the person I am today." He adds. He's sketching in his book again. It's almost compulsory, and she wonders if it's some kind of coping mechanism.

Then she puzzles over his words, trying to glean as much meaning as she can. Sai was an emotionless and socially awkward man but also a very skilled shinobi. Which aspect had Danzo created? She knew that to be the way he was, he would have had to have been deprived of love, affection, and play as young child. It warped him and made him unable to express and read emotions in others.

So, had this happened before or after joining Root?

If she asks that though, she sure to get a non-answer, so instead she tries, "Sai, why did you join ANBU Root in the first place?"

"I was an orphan at the time. Danzo took me in, gave me a home and in exchange I worked for him. I'm not sure what would have happened to me had I not met him." Sai says absently, still drawing away.

It doesn't sound as grateful as she expects but something pangs in her chest anyway. Poor Sai. All this time she'd been so hard on him when she should have been showing kindness and patience.

It seemed like Danzo was really trying to help people like Sai in Root, but despite herself, Kakashi's voice in her head cuts through, telling her not to trust him. Question it further. Orphans and lost children _were_ easy targets. Manipulatable.

So, had it been kindness and charity or was Danzo preying on the weak? She couldn't be sure.

"Here," Sai says lightly, ripping a page from his sketchbook. "This was my brother. You cannot meet him, but I can at least show you what he looked like."

"Sai," She says amazed, taking the page from him. She's touched he would share this with her. On the page, a young man in his teens stands tall and proud. He looks nothing like Sai, with his shoulder length hair, narrow eyes and round nose. He's smiling, but not the fake smile she sees from Sai. He looks content, or rather at peace. She feels a warmth fill her chest, Sai's love for his brother flowing through the picture to her.

This was what Kurenai meant. This was creating something with emotion in its very fabric.

"Keep it," He says with a smile. It feels a little more genuine, and she thinks that maybe Sai isn't such a lost cause after all.

She notices that he's signed the bottom with a strange symbol, like a flower with a circle drawn around it, and a string of numbers underneath: ' _59-63 72-79'_. It's not a date, so she isn't sure what it means. She's about to ask when she's interrupted.

"I'm headed out," Shikamaru calls from the entryway and she turns in her seat to see him putting on his shoes. He's fully dressed, hair back in his spiky ponytail. She pouts at that without realizing and stands. "No Shogi today. I have a Team 10 thing."

Weird. He hadn't mention that yesterday.

"Wait one second," she calls back disappearing into the kitchen and returning with a to-go cup of coffee. He's already halfway out the door, but she catches him. He's regarding her with a stoic expression, and she squirms. He's annoyed, and she wonders if its at Sai or at her. Probably both.

"Here." She offers him the cup, "You seem like a black coffee kind of guy. Hope that's okay."

His façade cracks, lips reluctantly twitching up a little. "That's perfect. Thank you."

She blushes a little, eyes dropping to the cup in his hand as he takes it from her.

"See you at the Archives, then?" She asks hopefully.

His smile drops, expression hardening and she wonders what has ruined the moment. He says tightly, "Of course."

Then he's out the door.

* * *

Sakura looks at the slip of paper in her hands, double checking that she was at the right section of the archives. She bends down to the bottom shelf.

There it is. Several volumes, folders and scrolls all with little Uchiha fan crests on the binding. Danzo had done it.

She picks up a stack of folders that looks like the old style of medical charts they used to use in the hospital. They are bound together with a thick red rubber band and on the front, someone has drawn some kind of icon in black ink, a flower with a circle around it. She feels like she's seen it before but can't remember where. She slides the top two charts out from the band. The top is an autopsy of an Uchiha man that was killed in the massacre. The next is a physical exam of the same man, completed by what looked like the Uchiha clan's staff doctor.

It's exactly what she asked for. Danzo had just given her her biggest lead yet. He'd just dropped it in her lap. Could it really be that easy?

Kakashi had said she couldn't trust Danzo, but Danzo had freely given this help, with no strings attached.

She pauses. Suddenly it did seem too easy. He would have had to of stolen these documents from Tsunade if she had them censored from the public. If Tsunade ever found out she had them, she'd be in big trouble.

It didn't matter though. She needed this information and that was that. She would have to be extremely careful who saw her with them.

She grabbed three medical charts and slipped them between two other books to conceal them and made her way back to her table, giving a tight-lipped smile to that mousy-haired chunin that always lurking here.

The clock said half past 5. Kakashi and Shikamaru would get here very soon. Well maybe not Kakashi, who'd probably be an hour or two. She didn't want to see him anyway.

Then there was Shikamaru. A mix of anticipation and dread churns in her stomach.

She hadn't seen him all day and there was something about their abrupt goodbye that had her nerves on edge. He seemed off. She supposes it was understandable after everything that had happened with Sai dropping in that morning and with everything the night before.

Her cheeks go red and she feels a stab of something close to shyness remembering last night. He'd seen her such a mess, but he'd been there for her. After being so vulnerable, she couldn't help but feel a new closeness with him. Would he treat her any differently? She twisted the ring on her thumb. She was anxious, but also somehow looking forward to seeing him again. Both feelings had her heartbeat picking up.

As if thinking of him had summoned him, he strolls around a bookcase, hands in his pockets.

"Hey," She says lamely. Cheeks burning slightly.

"Hey," He says back. They stand for a few moments, both unsure of what to do next.

"I got some -,"

"How did the -," They both start at the same time.

"Sorry, you -,"

"You go -," Again, they speak over each other. Sakura lets out an awkward chuckle and Shikamaru brings a hand to his neck.

"This is weird, isn't it?" Sakura says, mouth scrunching up in a sour expression. She drops into her chair and continues to fiddle with his ring on her thumb. "I made it weird. I cried on you and we slept on the floor and now it's weird."

Shikamaru lets out a laugh through his nose and Sakura's cheeks burn hotter. She groans, folds her arms on the table and drops her head onto them.

She hears him walk around the table to her.

"Hey," He says putting a hand on her shoulder. She peaks at him above her elbow. "It's not weird." His mouth is turned up at the corners.

She just groans again and says a muffled, "I'm sorry. You must think I'm so pathetic."

"Don't do that," he huffs.

"What?" she asks.

"Call yourself names. I was glad it was me you turned to, Sakura. I don't mind being there for you." She doesn't think he notices, but his thumb strokes across her shoulder. "I'm always here for you."

"Really?" She says sitting up from her arms. "It wasn't annoying?"

"No," he laughs, "Well except for you letting Sai in. Not exactly how I pictured the morning going."

The phrase has her cheeks flushing, remembering his face resting against the pillow when she'd woken up. She wonders just what he pictured.

"Was that why you were so annoyed this morning?" She says instead.

"No, I'm just really not looking forward to this," He grumbles. _This_ must mean Kakashi coming.

"I'm sorry," she manages, face turning away.

"Don't be," He says, gently. Then laughter in his voice, "Now come here."

He pulls her arm around his torso. Sakura lets him, hugging him loosely and resting her head against his stomach. Just like last night, one of his arms circles her shoulders and the other rests against the back of her head. It's comfortable and she rests there a few deep breaths, eyes slipping shut. Refocusing.

"Shikamaru," She says against his shirt.

"Yeah?" He pulls lightly back on her head, guiding her eyes to his.

"Did you bring dinner?" She asks innocently.

He tries to scowl, but it morphs into a grin.

"I skipped lunch again," She says glumly.

"You idiot." He laughs, tugging gently at her hair. "I'll be right back."

She waits until he's turned the corner to pull out the medical file she has hidden inside her stack of books. She skims the top page of demographic information. Toshio Uchiha is his name. 49 years old and a lifetime member of the Uchiha Police force. No outstanding medical issues.

She flips through the chart, looking for any mention of his Sharingan. There. It doesn't mention it directly, but the Uchiha clan doctor has noted in an eye exam that his vision is deteriorating, an indication that he likely had activated his Sharingan at some point in his life. She wished she had an MRI to go off of, but this is it.

She tries the next file, Toshio's autopsy. Cause of death was sharp force injury. He was stabbed. She flips to the next page where the outline of a male body has been drawn and marked with his injuries. Three square stab wounds are recorded, one in the left lung, one in the stomach and one in the heart, which she assumed was the killing blow. It was strange that the marks were square. She'd expected some kind of slice from a kunai or katana.

To the right of the diagram, the medical examiner has marked wood particles found in the wounds. She flips to the next page, looking for a more detailed reference. The examiner hypothesizes either a wooden stake or a wood-style jutsu was used to create the wounds. Again, strange. Itachi didn't know any wood style that she knew of. In fact, only Yamato-sensei and the First Hokage knew wood-style jutsu that she could recall. So that was unlikely.

But, using a stake for 3 separate wounds? That wasn't very efficient. She'd already done the math, and even if he used a Katana for a single stroke kill, it'd be almost impossible to kill the entire clan in one night. If he'd been using a stake as a weapon this recklessly, there was no way he'd have been able to do it.

She was getting sidetracked. Cause of death didn't matter. What mattered was the information on his Sharingan.

She flips through, scanning for any mention, then finds it on the last page. 'Eyes removed, antemortem' was written in the last line. She reads it again. And again. That couldn't be right. If that was right, it meant Itachi had removed his eyes while Toshio was still alive, which was preposterous. There was no reason to do it and no time. However, that would explain the stakes. He could use one in the lung, one in the gut to keep them immobilized, extract the eyes and then strike third at the heart for a killing blow.

Someone clears their throat, and she starts, slamming the chart closed and pulling a book over it.

"That was suspicious," Kakashi says, strolling up to the table.

"You're here!" She says, too shocked to remember to be angry or indifferent. Honestly, part of her had not expected him to show up at all. She looks at the clock which reads 5:55 pm. "You're _early._ "

Kakashi had never been early in his life.

"You said it was important to you, so I didn't want to miss it." He swings around the table, reaching for the book concealing the file. She grabs his wrist to stop him and gives him a warning glare that he returns with suspicion.

"Hasn't stopped you before," she says, anger finally finding her again. She wasn't going to take his bullshit anymore.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that." He says, turning his wrist in her grasp, grabbing her arm and pulling her closer. "We didn't finish our conversation last night, and I'd really like to clarify some things on both sides."

By both sides, I'm sure he means he wants to know how she learned about Kurenai and him. Probably wants to cover his own ass with that one.

"Yeah, more like now that you've had all night to get your story straight, you want to spoon feed me more lies." She asserts.

"Not exactly," he says, cryptically.

"Whatever," She scoffs, pulling her arm from his grasp. "And stop manhandling me. I'm not a doll."

"Sorry," he apologizes half-heartedly. Her gaze hardens, so he says more convincingly, "I mean it. I'm sorry. I was too rough yesterday and if I hurt you in anyway, it wasn't intentional."

"It certainly felt intentional." She contradicts, pouting.

"You just took me by surprise. I wasn't in the best state of mind after that dinner, for reasons that should be obvious to you now." His voice lowers. "And some that probably aren't."

"I'm not going to feel bad for you, if that's what your looking for." She feigns indifference. This was the first time she'd considered the night from his point of view. Seeing Asuma and Kurenai happily together all night, the tension of their secret buzzing in the air must have been hard. Then whatever was going on with Shikamaru. Her barging in on him after all that was a little much.

No. Don't feel bad for him, Sakura. It was his decisions that got him in this mess.

"I guess not," Kakashi sighs. He slides a scroll across the table to her. "Here, as promised."

She eyes him apprehensively and opens it.

"An official order." She scoffs, "You can't be serious."

"Deadly. I don't mess around with Danzo, Sakura. Especially not when you're involved." He says, sliding his hands into his pockets.

"Don't pretend like this is about me. You made it very clear last night that it wasn't." She snaps.

"I said it wasn't about Team 7, not that it wasn't about keeping you safe." He counters.

"Careful, Kakashi. You might sound like I'm more than just a lowly subordinate to you." Sakura says sarcastically.

His shoulders sag, "Its better this way, Sakura. Easier."

"For who?"

"For me."

"If you could just see yourself, see how run down you are, you'd know it wasn't easier. Having teammates to share the burden is easier."

"That's exactly what I'm doing. This situation is so much more dangerous than you know. I'm keeping you out of it as much as I can, so I just need you to trust me here."

"Like I trusted you to take care of the seals in my apartment? Or to send Ninken at night? Or to come to me as soon as you were in the village," She throws back. His shoulders sag even further.

"Sakura," he says, "I'm so sorry I let you down when you needed me. It kills me that I wasn't there for you."

She wants to accept so badly. This was Kakashi, her sensei, her friend. Her heart wants to thaw and listen, but her head reminds her that she'd asked before to be looped in and he hadn't answered. Until she'd completely broken down, he hadn't answered. Maybe he really did only listen to her when she needed saving or _fixing._

"Apology not accepted," She murmurs, crossing her arms. Then borrows Shikamaru's words from that night in the clearing so many days ago. "Trust is a two-way street, Kakashi. I can't trust you if you don't trust me as well."

"You have to know. Everything I've been doing has only been to help you. You shouldn't have to know the details to know that." He says.

"I'm done decoding your cryptic little phrases," She says wearily. "Either tell me the whole truth about why you lied to me and what you've actually been up to or drop it." She doesn't have it in her to fight anymore. Refocus, she reminds herself. Her training is all that matters, not Kakashi and his drama.

"Sakura-chan," he says in his sensei voice and she knows whatever he says next is a deflection. "Just let your sensei take care of everything, okay?" His eyes crinkling in a forced smile.

"Wrong answer, _Kakashi-kun_." She says, hoping to annoy him with the suffix like it annoys her. He winces.

He lets out a slow, "Okay, point taken."

"I'm done talking," she decides and his shoulders slump. He hasn't changed and he's not taking her seriously. She's still just a little girl to him that he thinks he can tell white lies to and she'll just follow along.

With perfect timing, Shikamaru rounds the bookshelf with her food, an easy escape from Kakashi's discussion.

"You're a lifesaver, Shikamaru." She praises with a smile and sidesteps Kakashi without a word.

"We're not done, Sakura," Kakashi murmurs as she passes. She casts him a look from the corner of her eye to say, 'we definitely are'.

As usual, Shikamaru is always 10 steps ahead. He's gotten her a few onigiri, which she can eat quickly and with one hand. She's about to tell him just how much she appreciates his thoughtfulness when her instincts flair up.

She turns back to Kakashi, and he's sliding the chart she has hidden out from her terrible hiding place.

"Hey!" she cries, darting to the table and slapping her hand down on the file. She's too slow and he snatches it out from under her. She's sliding over the table after him, but he's already flipping through the pages, twirling around her grabbing hands.

"Well I was expecting naked men, but not like this," He jokes, inspecting the autopsy diagrams.

"Give it back," she snaps, managing to grab one arm, but he holds the file higher in the other out of her reach. He snaps it closed.

"Just how did you get your hands on this, I wonder?" He muses, but the look in his eye tells her he knows exactly where she got it. "This is very valuable information to get for free."

She glares and rips the file from his grasp. "Keep your opinions to yourself."

She puts the file under the bookstack, even though it seems pointless now and adds, "Don't touch anything. These are confidential." When she turns back, he's lounging in a chair, feet up and orange book in front of his face. Act innocent, she thinks, but she knows better than to assume he's not paying attention. She was going to have to keep one eye on him.

Apparently, she wasn't the only one thinking that. Shikamaru's eyes were glued to him, expression darkening.

"Hey, we need to talk" Shikamaru calls out to Kakashi, who doesn't move from behind his book.

"Talk away," he says breezily, turning a page.

"Shikamaru, don't. He already apologized," She says. She's touched that he cares enough to defend her but doesn't want to cause any more awkwardness than already existed.

"I want to hear it for myself." He insists to her.

"I took care of it," she responds, but he doesn't listen.

"You want to explain why Sakura was covered in bruises last night?" He calls to Kakashi.

"I'd imagine she probably got them while attacking her superior officer in his own home unprovoked."

She expects him to rise to the bait, like he had at the restaurant, but Shikamaru stays cool and collected.

"You can try that if you'd like. I'd love to hear you try to explain to the disciplinary committee why your weaker female subordinate got those types of injuries while 'inside your own home'." It's a threat, and Sakura can feel that Shikamaru is trying to back Kakashi into a corner, capitalizing on any mistake. She knows because she's been on the receiving end across the shogi board too many times to count.

"We both know Sakura isn't weak and so would the committee. Either way, no need to get them involved." Kakashi says with a cheery tone, "I'm sure it was easy for Sakura to heal any injuries. I doubt any pain was really incurred."

Again, Sakura is stung by his lack of caring and she's afraid of where this might go if she lets it continue.

"Stop it. Both of you." She asserts. "We are going to drop it."

"Not until I hear an apology," Shikamaru says.

"I think I'd like an apology too," Kakashi returns, "Now that I think about it, it was a little inconvenient to be interrupted like that."

"I'm sorry," Sakura says without much feeling. Shikamaru shoots her a traitorous glare, like she's made a glaringly wrong move. It doesn't matter because she just wants the game to be over.

"Apology accepted. See Sakura-chan, wasn't that easy. Now your turn," he says in his sensei voice. "I'm sorry for getting too rough with you last night. I was just trying to keep up with your…enthusiasm. Seemed to me that you almost wanted to -."

"Try again," Shikamaru snaps and Sakura jumps.

"My, my. So touchy. It was only a joke," Kakashi says under his breath, but he's smirking at finally getting under Shikamaru's skin.

It was classic Kakashi to make sexual jokes and not take anything seriously, but this time felt a little different. Maybe because she was tired of not being taken seriously. Maybe because she wanted some reassurance that she mattered at all to him.

Kakashi turns to Sakura, taking in her hurt expression and his smirk drops. Then he speaks genuinely, regretfully, looking Sakura directly in the eye, "I'm sorry for hurting you last night, Sakura. That wasn't my intention."

"Thank you for your apology," She says, trying to stay indifferent, but the look in his eye sooths the hurt more than she'd like. It's a flicker of something more, a glimmer of what she wanted from him.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it." Kakashi says with a smile.

"It will be if we have to have this conversation again." Shikamaru promises, then turns to sit in his seat across the table.

"Noted," Kakashi says coolly, turning a page in his book. Of course, today he'd chose to bring 'Icha Icha Bondage'.

The tension in the room is still sizzling as she tries to wolf down her dinner. It sits heavy in her stomach, turning with anxiety. She just wanted this to be over so she could breathe again.

She quickly fills out the ridiculous briefing, keeping to the script she'd told Shikamaru last night and removing the treasonous accusations against Tsunade. Other ridiculous little details, the type of tea, the kind of kettle, and more she adds in to bog down the read hoping to annoy him. Once she's done, she stands and addresses Kakashi.

"You get this after we finish," she says, gesturing with the brief placing it on the table by her notes.

"Fair enough," he murmurs, closing his book and sliding it into the pocket.

Sakura turns a chair beside her so that it faces outward from the table. "Sit," she orders him. "Hitai-ate off too."

As he does as she instructs, she arranges some of her notes on the table beside them. Her nerves give one last hitch upward before she smothers them with the clinical professionalism of her medic persona.

"Any pain recently?" She asks, bringing her hands up to his temples, eyes sliding shut as her focus draws into his head with the medical chakra she applies.

"No more than usual," he says vaguely. She tsks.

His chakra channels are burned again, worse than the last time she'd healed them even.

"I just fixed this," she grumbles annoyed. "Have you been using it since then?"

He's silent for a beat.

"Kakashi," she prompts.

"Yes," he answers reluctantly, but doesn't elaborate.

"In training?" Her eyes crack open, watchful of his reaction. Its blank, eyes shut. She's fishing for answers now, trying to get him to admit to whatever secret he was hiding, whatever he'd been up to while not on the mission roster.

"Don't ask questions you know I can't answer, Sakura-chan," he warns, voice low so that Shikamaru struggles to hear.

"Won't answer," she mumbles, correcting him and slides her eyes shut again. This time as she heals, she memorizes the chakra connections leading to his eye.

Whoever had done the surgery had done a very mediocre job. They'd hooked up his channels and nerves, but there was significant scarring. She follows them up through his optic nerve and into the retina. Everything is normal. Then she finds the first difference.

There's an additional component in about half the chakra pathways. It's just before the rods and cones, a modified section of the channel. Interesting. She'd never seen something like this before.

It was similar to a tenketsu, a chakra point, but larger, more complex. She isn't sure what the function is yet. Moving through them, she finds each point is connected to a rod/cone pair, but only the rod is currently accessible to her.

Normal rods were receptors for light and cones receptors for color, specialized for red, green or blue light frequencies. However, these rod/cone pairs also felt different than the usual ones – unique to the Sharingan. This must be what allows for its techniques.

"Open your eyes," she instructs. He does, and she can feel the difference in the retina. The special rods light up, pulling information down through to his optic nerve. The cone cells stay dormant. Very interesting. What were they for then?

"Can you turn on the next phase?" She asks. He sucks in a breath, like he's preparing for pain.

Chakra surges through his channels, flow and pressure doubling at the back of his eyes. His pathways are straining under the pressure. She can feel the modified section of the channel deform under the inrush of it, forcing it farther open, she realizes.

Chakra floods into the specialized cones, activating them. Those were for the Mangekyou then and the chakra point for regulating flow to it.

She sees why he has chakra burns now. The amount of pressure he's forcing through the channels is way too much for what they can handle naturally. The tissue around them heats, enflaming.

Reflexively, she pulls cooling chakra there, and he lets out a sigh in relief.

"That feels amazing," he breathes.

"You're burning your pathways." She explains, "Do you always have to use that amount of chakra when you use the Mangekyou?"

"Mhm," he affirms absently.

"Turn it off," she says, and he drops the back pressure, letting it flow normally. The special chakra point relaxes back to its original position. So, the only thing keeping it open was the shear pressure of his chakra throughput. Was that how it was supposed to be?

It felt like this was a valve that he was misusing, hence the massive damage. Valves usually had controls that allowed you to turn them off and on. She searches now for something similar, but the massive scarring blocks her. She can't tell the anatomy underneath.

She might be able to expose one, but it would take some time. First, she wanted to experiment some more, get more information.

If her valve theory was correct, then when the valve was closed, the Sharingan would turn off. She doesn't know how to deform the channel without causing damage, so she'll have to try something different.

"This might feel a little strange," She warns, "I want you to keep your eye open and tell me if anything in your vision changes."

"Okay," he says, sounding a little apprehensive.

She directs a continuous stream of chakra into the pathway feeding into his Sharingan and inserts her own until the channels leading to his eyes are completely blocked. She feels the special rods deactivate and the chakra point close without the flow keeping them wide and opens her eyes.

He's staring back at her, eyes both charcoal grey. Her heart leaps in her chest. She'd deactivated it!

"I can't see anything." He says and if feels like he's just dumped ice water on her.

She quickly removes the block and his eye bleeds back to red. "Now?"

"Now I can," he says. Blinking a few times.

Dammit. As it was hooked up now, if he wanted to turn off his Sharingan, then he'd lose vision.

What kind of second-rate medic performed this transplant? All of the channels were tied together, back to the same source, like a normal eye would be, but this was no normal eye. To shut off the chakra input, you either had to cut the supply to the entire eye or regulate on a cellular level. No one, not even her, had that kind of control.

Something wasn't right here. She didn't know how to tell without seeing the real thing or testing more with the valves. She'd have to do more research, plan out some procedures, or find the person who did the initial surgery.

"Who the hell performed this transplant? They did a terrible job." Sakura complains, pulling her hands from his face. "You're lucky you can see anything at all."

He looks down at his hands. His answer is quiet, offended. "Her name was Rin and she was just a genin at the time. Terrible or not, she saved my sight and I'm nothing but grateful for her."

Sakura blushes, trying to back pedal, "Well, I guess for a genin it's pretty good."

He just hums back. God, how did he always make her feel like an idiotic child. She turns to her notes, trying to hide her face.

"Can you get me her contact info? I'd like to know why she transplanted it this way." She asks, jotting down some notes on a free page.

"No," he says quietly.

"Please don't be difficult–," she starts, but when she faces him, she realizes her mistake. He's gone to some far away moment in the past, hunched over with arms resting on knees and eyes unfocused. Shit. Rin was dead, she just knew it. Her hand reaches out with a mind of its own, settling on his shoulder to comfort. He doesn't break out of the trance, but his hand seeks her out, grasping her tiny fingers in his.

"Sakura," Shikamaru calls, drawing her attention. His face is indifferent, shoulders stiff. "Are you finished?"

"Yes," she says, drawing her hand from Kakashi's grasp. "Thank you, Kakashi. That's all I need for now."

He nods and his shoulders sag further, some unknown weight pressing on him. Who was this Rin to him to have such an effect? Something rises in her dangerously close to jealousy. There's no reason for it, but it's there, grating inside her chest.

He stands, and steps behind her. She stiffens, eyeing him over her shoulder.

Eyes locked, he slides to the table by her hip and the other reaches past her for the scroll with her brief writing inside. He's heat is warm on her back, heartbeat rocketing at the sudden nearness. Her face warms, because she can feel Shikamaru's eyes on them.

"Be careful," he pleads in her ear. "We'll talk soon."

A puff of smoke and he was gone.

* * *

She's trying to replicate that feeling.

That feeling Sai created in his brother's picture, but its impossible.

From her seat on the roof about Konoha's busiest market, she can see all types of people drifting in and out. They linger just long enough for her to hurry to capture them and always seem to move on before she can finish. Still, she can't do it.

Showing her attempts to Kurenai today had been such an embarrassment. To her credit, she hadn't laughed, but said they'd move on to a different mechanic, genjutsu layering, while she continued to improve on this. It only made Sakura feel more determined to master this, for fear that Kurenai was giving up on her by moving to a new topic. So, she'd come straight to this market to try.

On the plus side, Kurenai-sensei could no longer penetrate her defenses. Even when she was distracted or at the end of her chakra reserves, Sakura's defenses were too strong. The act of infiltration as well was also child's play now. What seemed like gaping holes in Kurenai's mental shield were apparently imperceptible to her. Sakura could thank her medical ninjutsu for that. Her lack of artistic skill she could also thank medical ninjutsu for.

She was trying, to do her homework activities and in training, but nothing seemed to be helping. It was like Kurenai was speaking a different language when she tried to explain what she was supposed to do to improve the visual illusions.

It also hadn't helped that she could hardly look at the woman anymore. After learning about her and Kakashi, she had lost so much respect for her sensei. It was hard for Sakura to take anything seriously from her, and her frustrations over critique amplified. Not good, because she needed to learn this material and getting annoyed wasn't helping.

Even a new perspective, the genjutsu book beside her was also useless. Each time reading it was more frustrating. The thing sounded like it was written by a medic-nin drop out who kind of knew how the mind worked, but not enough to explain things properly. Like handwaving or mystified explanations.

Her favorite example was 'Breathe into your genjutsu, give it life and purpose and set it free to live in the mind of the host.'

Helpful. Very helpful.

Even Sai had done better, and that was saying something.

Sakura wondered what they felt inside the mind of another. Couldn't they feel the individual nerves, the ions rolling through them, that commanded movement? Couldn't they feel the retina light up to create an image? Or the hormones released for fear or love? Tell her how to manipulate those for an appropriate response, then she could do it no problem.

Nothing could though. Fundamentally something was just not clicking, but she was out of ideas on how to make it click. Hence being on a rooftop cursing into a sketchbook.

She's about to get up and leave when a flash of silver and green weaving through the crowd stops her. Pushing through a throng of people, Kakashi is moving away from her with purpose. Just where is he headed? He still hadn't told her a thing about what he had been up to, what filled his days and nights since he'd been off missions. Well, if he wouldn't tell her, maybe she could find out herself. Shikamaru wouldn't mind her being a little late.

She watches as he lingers by a cart selling face cremes, picking up a bottle and examining thoroughly. Like he really needed those with the mask. Maybe it was for Kurenai? Her stomach turns.

Kurenai probably didn't need that either. She was beautiful without it. That was the only other thing she'd learned at her lesson today. Kurenai was everything Sakura wasn't. Mature, graceful, patient and kind. Sakura was annoying, bullish, temperamental. It wasn't even a contest. Kurenai's raven hair and scarlet eyes were breathtaking and gave her an edge sophistication that had Sakura feeling childish with her petal pink locks.

No wonder Kakashi had wanted her. That frustrated feeling is back, grating in her chest.

Abruptly, he drops the canister and turns back down the path. Its swift and purposeful, but his destination seems to shift. He stops by carts at random, feigning interest in what is there before speeding along.

Suddenly she recognizes the technique because he taught it to her as well. He was following someone.

Sakura drops to the ground, snuffing out her chakra signature. She stalks him, just far enough back to keep an eye on his shock of silver hair.

Who was it that had caught his interest enough to follow in the village? Sakura is burning to know.

He slips into a shop that ironically sells men's watches. The whole front is windows, making it easy for him to see the street outside, no doubt why he had selected it.

Sakura is forced to wait outside. Its too small to follow in and she's sure she would stick out with her pink hair. Instead she browses a jewelry stand nearby, but her eyes are trained on his form moving inside.

"Anything in particular you're looking for dearie?" The old woman tending the cart says. Sakura gives a tight smile.

"No, just browsing." She glances at the woman as she says it, but then her eyes are back to the watch shop.

"I see you like rings," The woman says gesturing to Sakura's hand, "I've got a lovely selection of bands. Maybe a new color for some variety?"

Actually, that was a good idea.

Over the past few days Sakura had borrowed Shikamaru's ring, she'd noticed him rubbing the skin on his hand where it should be. She felt guilty every time she noticed, and a few times had almost offered it back to him. Something stopped her. It had grown so familiar on her hand, so helpful. A reminder of his instructions to refocus and a reminder of him. Still, she shouldn't be so selfish. She needed her own so he could have his back.

Plus, it will give her an alibi if she ends up getting caught.

"Sure, what do you have?" The woman smiles and brings out a display stand of rings for Sakura to look over. A rose gold band catches her eye. Its subtle, but still pink. She picks it up, sliding it onto her thumb. Perfect fit.

"Very pretty," the woman comments, and Sakura hands the ring back. It's her, but was it too childish? Pink? She feels ridiculously self-conscious about it all the sudden. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Kakashi hop down the steps of the watch shop, moving on.

"I'll take it," she says quickly, handing over her money. The woman is moving much too slow, Kakashi disappearing from her line of sight. Her heartbeat rockets in her chest. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Finally, the woman hands over a bag with a ring box inside and Sakura jets away. Her walk is just slower than a run, trying to catch up but still blend in.

She shoots right past the alley he's turned into and stumbles to a stop on the other side. Risking a second look inside, she sees him scaling the building to the roof. Yes! She didn't lose him.

The next breath is a curse though because his field of view just grew to the whole street below, where her and her silly pink hair would surely give her away. She retreats under an awning and presses her back to the wall of the building he scaled.

She can't see him, but his chakra signature dims. He's hiding now. If she didn't know it like the back of her hand and know right where to look for it, he'd be invisible to her.

A middle-aged couple shoots her a strange look and it has Sakura remembering to relax. Blend in.

She pulls out her sketchbook and pretends to sketch.

Minutes pass, and she loses track of just how long she's been standing here. Her legs start to ache, and she shifts her weight from side to side, trying to stretch them out. Maybe she'd been mistaken, and he was just napping up there. She could have imagined this whole thing to try and come up with some reasonable explanation for what he'd been up to. If he'd really just been window shopping and napping this whole time, she'd never forgive him.

She feels like an idiot and is walking away to leave when she recognizes someone walk past her. It's the mousey-haired chunin from the archives. She pauses, turning to watch him slip into the alley she'd just abandoned.

Kakashi shifts on the rooftop.

Sakura rushes back under the awning, peering into the dark alley just in time to see the chunin slip down an offshoot to the right. Kakashi jumps to the next building to follow.

She slips down the alley after. The hustle and bustle of the market hushes over, and suddenly her breathing is too loud. Crouching behind a dumpster on the dirt floor, she peeks around the corner where the Chunin has gone.

He's not alone.

There's a hooded figure in front of him. They aren't speaking or if they are it's too hushed for Sakura to overhear. She can't risk coming any closer.

She sees the Chunin exchange some package though for a roll of cash, and then the hooded figure winks out of existence. He turns and begins scurrying back toward her.

Shit.

Sakura jumps up and darts around the dumpster, about to head back out to the market ahead when she feels Kakashi drop from the roof.

"Kenta," Kakashi's voice rings out. Sakura stops, crouching down again.

Its just around the corner, but the dumpster is concealing her form, though she's in full view of the market.

"K-Kakashi," the chunin greats, tone shaking with a subtle fear. "You startled me."

"Did you get what I asked for?" Kakashi asks in an even tone. Was he talking about that package?

"Of course," Kenta says, and Sakura can hear him shuffling through a pouch for something. "Here's the list of uncatalogued materials that were given to Haruno Sakura."

She freezes at the sound of her name. Then her stomach drops. Kakashi had been spying on her.

"And the rest," Kakashi presses.

"They didn't talk about much this time. Mostly just training and something about staying at her apartment the night before."

This time? Was this not the first time? She feels violated and embarrassed, suddenly reviewing everything Shikamaru and her had discussed in what they thought was privacy.

"Alright then." Kakashi murmurs. Then his tone becomes deceptively sweet and a thrill runs down her spine. "There's something else too. You see, I was intrigued by just how easy it was to convince you to complete this little assignment for me. It made me wonder just who else you might be completing assignments for."

There's a beat of silence.

Then feet coming quick on the ground, he's running away. She hears a scuffle and the chunin cries out in pain.

"I swear," he pleads, "I swear I haven't been doing anything else."

"Well I've done some homework of my own, Kenta. I know that's a lie." Kakashi challenges. "You've been making quiet a few trips to the Sound Village, not all sanctioned."

Kenta cries out in pain again and Kakashi demands, "Who have you been feeding information to?"

"Okay, okay." Its strangled, Kakashi probably gripping his throat tight. There's a thud, like a body hitting the ground. Kenta coughs out, "Orochimaru."

"What have you been telling him?" Kakashi demands.

"Ah!" Kenta cries, "Half the time I don't even know. The messages are sealed."

"From who?"

"Anyone who will pay. These people work through proxies, so I don't know."

"You know something." Kakashi grinds out.

"I don't! All I can say is that someone high up in the village is sending a lot of messages back and forth from Sound."

"What about the unsealed information?"

"It depends," Kenta pants, "I don't remember."

"You'd better. You won't like it if I have to jog your memory for you." Kakashi threatens.

"Uh, Guard rotations, retrieval missions for Uchiha Sasuke, movements against the Sound Village, you know, logistical stuff."

"What about Haruno Sakura? Why have you been watching her?"

"You asked me to," he gasps.

"You've been watching her long before my assignment." Kakashi cuts him off. "Tell me."

"They'll kill me if I say." Kenta begs, "I can't."

"I'll kill you if you don't," Kakashi counters.

"It's not just one person," Kenta says, "A lot of people are paying top dollar for that research. People more powerful than you, Hatake."

There's a stretch of silence. Then Kenta is shrieking, sobbing. Kakashi used the Mangekyou.

It stops just as soon as it starts and Kenta is letting out soft sobs into the dirt.

"Still more powerful than me?" Kakashi threatens.

"You have no idea what's coming for you," Kenta says ominously, "Orochimaru yes, but the others. They are on a whole other level. From inside the village and out."

"I need names," Kakashi grinds out.

"There you are," Shikamaru calls approaching her quickly. Her head darts to him, panic shooting through her. "What are you –,"

Sakura yanks him down to her. She is in his mind before she can stop herself, interrupting the commands his brain is trying to send to speak further. His mouth hangs open, a half-formed word on his tongue.

Her attention turns back to Kakashi and Kenta, but they are gone. Shit.

Had Kakashi heard that and ran?

Kakashi's chakra signature flares on the roof above her. Her head jerks up.

He's staring coolly down at her. Their eyes lock and he shakes his head back and forth once. She can't name the expression on his face, a mix of disappointment and something more. Still the message is clear.

It's a warning. She knows it.

One blink, then he's gone.


	8. Window to the Truth

**Done with Love – Chapter 7**

Window to the Truth

* * *

_URGENT REPORT_

_Agent #005_

_Another complication._

_Hatake Kakashi has discovered materials from Priority 2 Notification list provided to the subject. Communication to Hokage imminent. Requesting immediate intervention and new orders._

* * *

She is going to vomit.

Her stomach lurches up in her and she swallows back against the tang of fear flooding her mouth.

Every day, she had gone to those archives feeling safe and everyday she'd been so close to her enemy. Kenta. Selling off her information to powerful people. More powerful than Kakashi. Willing to kill to keep their identities secret. Her skin crawls.

All except Orochimaru. How had she not thought of him before? Of course, he would be interested in Sharingan restoration. So that if he took over Sasuke's body, he…

She can't finish the thought.

Her grip on Shikamaru's arm tightens matching the invisible force gripping inside her chest.

Shikamaru is shaking her shoulder and pointing to his face. She sees it like an outside observer. Her mind is disassociating, sinking down into the whirlpool of icy terror spinning around her.

She releases the genjutsu on him and a groan falls from him like he'd been trying to push words out the whole time.

"What was that?" He asks stunned.

"Genjutsu." She hears herself say, swallowing thickly again. Nowhere was safe.

"That wasn't a genjutsu." Shikamaru insists.

"I'm not very good yet, okay?" She snaps. Nothing was safe. How long before she's stolen away in the night? How long before these powerful people converge and clash over the information she's gathering.

"That's not what I mean-," But he breaks off, taking in her pale, clammy face and asks, "Are you alright?"

Her stomach lurches again, chest squeezing tighter. No. No she was not. She needed to leave this alley, get some fresh air and think. Hide. But where? Bile rises in her throat.

She darts up, barely making it to the other side of the dumpster before dropping back to her knees and heaving all the contents of her stomach onto the dirt. She's suddenly thankful she hasn't eaten lunch yet.

Hands are sweeping back her hair, rubbing soothing circles into her back, but they seem so far away.

Her gut rolls again, trying to purge out everything inside her.

She falls back against the dumpster, trying to draw in deep cooling breaths, but her chest is too tight. Her heart feels like it's going to burst from her chest and her head is swimming.

Nausea, dizziness, shortness of breath, rapid heartrate, disassociation – the symptoms sound from her rational mind, clinically coming to a diagnosis.

She's having a panic attack.

But she can't remember how to fix it.

"Just breathe, Sakura," Shikamaru says with a practiced calm, and her eyes fix on his. He can't hide the alarm in them, despite his even tone.

"I can't," She gasps. She can't control her body anymore. It has sunk beneath the waves, water surging into her lungs, "I can't."

"You can," he insists, hand coming to the back of her neck. It's hot against her sweat-slicked skin, too hot.

Her brain is shutting down, not getting enough oxygen, and her vision is growing dark at the corners. Shikamaru's face is slipping away from her.

"Please. Help." She begs, tears sliding down her face. Before he can, she passes out.

* * *

She wakes to the thrum of chakra against her forehead and Ino's cool blue eyes staring back at her.

"Hey, Forehead," she says gently, "Do you know where you are?"

Sakura squints, taking in the workbenches with potted plants and clipped flowers scattered across them.

"The flower shop," she answers. It sounds like a question. A stiff wooden chair is supporting her, and a heavy hand on her shoulder is keeping her upright.

"Good," Ino says back. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I think I had a panic attack," Sakura murmurs, focusing on the sunflower print of Ino's work apron. Her chest burns like she's just run 10 'warm-up runs of youth'. A groan falls from her mouth and she brings a hand to her chest.

"Ino," Shikamaru says tightly from beside her.

"I know, I know," She shoots him an amused glare, removing Sakura's hand and replacing it with her own chakra gloved one. The ache eases away.

Sakura turns to Shikamaru. He's seated in a chair next to her, arm around her shoulders to keep her from sagging out of hers.

The alarm in his eyes has lessened, but they still dart over her form, searching for any discomfort in her. Everything comes rushing back.

"Oh god," she moans. "I puked in front of you."

His lips twitch up at her expense and her face heats with embarrassment.

She turns away from him, shielding her face with her hand.

"Don't look at me for a while," She murmurs, fearing he'll picture her undignified form hurling her guts up every time he does.

"Is that better?" Ino asks silently laughing and draws her hand away.

"Yes," Sakura says, but something else comes to her. The memory of Kakashi getting the list of her materials from the archives. Censored materials that would be taken away if discovered. She has to get there first, to make sure they aren't.

"I have to go," She utters, jumping to her feet too quickly. Dizziness makes her sight fuzzy and she sways.

"Easy," Shikamaru is there the next moment, steadying her. "You're not going anywhere."

Her head clears and she steps out of his grasp, "Yes I am. I need to get back."

"Back where?" He challenges.

"The archives. I have to get back to my research," she's striding to the door, but he steps in front of her.

"That can wait," he declares, leveling an unyielding look.

"It can't," She goes to step around him, but he doesn't let her.

"Sakura," he says, low and forceful. "You're going to sit down and take it easy for a few minutes while Ino makes sure you're alright."

"I'm a medic too, you know," She challenges, missing the worry behind his command. "I know I'm fine now."

"Well I don't," Shikamaru snaps. Then exasperated, "You just scared me half to death. I thought you were dying or something."

She's speechless for a moment, softening, but her eyes still fix on the door, urgency not completely quelled.

"Please," he murmurs. He seems to realize forcing her into anything won't work, and steps slightly to the side creating a path. A choice. "I'm asking."

What would she do when she got to the archives anyway? It wasn't like she could stop the Hokage from taking her resources back. The damage was done, but Shikamaru she could still fix.

"Fine," she gives in. She wants to smooth out the wrinkle in between his brows, so she walks back to her chair and sinks down in it. Ino is watching with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

"Can you go get Sakura some water?" She asks him. He nods and heads to the other room, for once not even complaining about a chore.

"He's like a mother hen, I swear." Ino grumbles with a loving smile. "You gave us a scare there, Forehead."

"Sorry, Ino. Thanks for your help," Sakura says genuinely.

"Do you know what set this off?" Ino asks.

"Just general stress," Sakura lies. Ino gives her a look like she's full of crap, but for once doesn't press further.

"You really should take it easy." Ino says, "You're lucky Shikamaru was there."

"I know," she says bashfully, looking down at the hands in her lap and remembering his promise at the archives to always be there for her.

"Do you want to hear how worried he was?" Ino says like it is particularly juicy gossip.

"No! I feel bad enough already." Sakura pouts, fiddling with the ring on her thumb. "So embarrassing."

Ino notices and says, "Before I forget, here's this back." She presses the ring box into Sakura's hand. "Guessing its unrelated to your episode."

Sakura jokes, "Buyer's remorse." And Ino gives an amused smile.

"That's his, right?" Ino asks, gesturing to the ring on her thumb.

"Yeah, I got this one so I could give Shikamaru's back," Sakura explains quietly, slipping the ring box into her hip pouch.

"Something tells me he won't want it back," Ino says in a sing-song tone.

"Of course, he will. It's his after all." Sakura crosses her arms.

"Not sure if you know, but there's a little tradition between the Yamanaka, Nara and Akimichi clans." Ino starts, tilting her head to the side. "When we become Chunin, a member of the Sarutobi clan, Asuma-sensei in this case, gives each of us a set of earrings to wear." She gestures to her ears where a pair of silver studs gleam.

"It's a reminder of our three clan's oath, to work together as a team, protect one another and the village." She says face growing serious under the weight of her oath. "This kind of feels the same. Maybe this is his way of saying you're a team and that he'll protect you too."

Sakura's eyebrows shoot up. "You're reading too much into it again."

"Maybe," she says twisting the back of her earring. Then her smile returns. "If he doesn't accept the ring back, you'll know for sure."

Shikamaru returns, and Sakura goes stiff. He presses a cool glass into her hand. She thanks him and drains almost half of it right away. Guess she needed it more than she thought.

"You're good as new, but you might want to get some food in you." Ino says encouragingly. Then she turns to Shikamaru with an innocent grin, "Why don't you take her out for lunch, Shikamaru? I'm stuck here at the shop all day."

He frowns a little at her suggestion, seeing the intention behind it that Sakura doesn't.

"Don't meddle," he says, pouting a little.

"What ever do you mean?" Ino says, with an unaffected shrug.

"Troublesome woman," he grumbles, then says "Fine. Sakura let's go."

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Sakura says, frowning and thinking it's her being called troublesome.

"I want to," he says, not looking her in the eye, but taking her hand and leading her out the door.

The thought of the ring on her hand clasped in Shikamaru's is enough to distract her from the looming threat she's just discovered. It isn't until she's sliding into a booth that she remembers to scan the room, though she doesn't know who she'd be looking for. A sound-nin? Kenta?

Kenta had looked so normal though. She never would have guessed he'd been some kind of spy the whole time. Plus, Kakashi would have taken care of him already, she thinks, and its not fear that fills her. Its relief.

Kakashi was out there, probably since the break-in, trying to figure out who was after her, shaking down moles in alleys _for her._ She was still pissed that he'd spied on her and she'd definitely give him a piece of her mind about that, but…

She'd been so awful to him and he was protecting her, not taking credit or asking for thanks. _Spoiled little girl_. Dammit. She rubs her arm shrinking down in the booth.

She didn't have to worry. She didn't have to look over her shoulder, because Kakashi was already there, doing it for her. She needed to see him, but remembering that warning, disappointed look, she doubted that would be possible.

A glass of water appears in front of her, and again she's gulping it down. Shikamaru's frowning when she returns her near empty glass to the table.

"Why didn't you show up for practice?" he asks. She twists her glass on the table, memorizing the gleam of the water ring where it meets the wood.

"I lost track of time," she says, not completely lying. "Genjutsu training."

He eyes her apprehensively, somehow sensing the half-truth. "And what happened in the alley?"

She doesn't answer, moving on to roll the straw wrapper between her fingers.

He sighs, "You don't have to tell me, but I want you to know you can."

"I know," she murmurs.

The waitress comes back for their order, but Sakura hasn't even glanced at the menu. Shikamaru orders for her, again seeming to know just what her favorite is.

The reprieve from his gaze doesn't last long enough.

"Let's take tomorrow off," he says lightly. "Let's do something fun. Relax a little."

"I really shouldn't," she says. She's itching to get back to researching, and not just because her materials now have an unknown time limit. Who was she kidding? They were long gone by now. "I need to keep working."

"You are one of the hardest working people I know," he manages to make it sound more like a complaint than a compliment, and she figures for a lazy bones like Shikamaru, it probably is.

"It's one of the things I love about you." He stiffens and corrects, "Like about you."

He quickly continues before she can question it, "But your body has its limits and so does your mind. You'll feel better, work more efficiently after taking a break."

She knows she doesn't have a leg to stand on after literally passing out on him, but she's stubborn and doesn't want to give in.

"I'm sure we can negotiate a compromise," she says formally, as if that will help give her argument weight against the smartest man in Konoha.

"I'm listening." He smirks, like he can read her mind. No, more like a cat looks at a mouse, wanting to play with it before his meal. This was his area of expertise. She didn't have much of a chance and he knew it.

"I'll skip Gai's practice in the morning, but we can spend the rest of the day researching in the archives." She tries and his smirk picks up at the word 'we'.

"What's one day, Sakura? We should take all of it off and this evening too." He counter-offers. "Let me take you somewhere fun and let's just forget about everything for a while."

"I wouldn't be able to forget if I wanted to," she disagrees. "It would probably stress me out more not to work."

He sighs. "Fine, get it all out of your system tonight. But tomorrow no working and I get you in the evening."

"Fine, but I get the morning to work too," she insists. Even if he doesn't agree, she has another plan. If she pulls an all-nighter tonight, she can make up the time for one evening. He doesn't have to know that, though.

He crosses his arms, about to respond, but Sai enters the restaurant just then, scanning the tables for someone. His eyes meet hers and he smiles, walking over.

"Hey Sai," she greets. "Looking for me?"

"Sakura, yes," he answers, nodding to Shikamaru as well who sours, no doubt remembering their last time together. "An opportunity revealed itself to me, and I thought you might be interested in it."

"Really? What kind of opportunity?" She's not sure what to expect.

"I know your attempts at drawing have been absolutely futile," Sakura stiffens, clenching her fist and barely stopping herself from punching him, "But I thought a different approach may be better. The ability to draw itself shouldn't prevent one from enjoying art. There is a free art exhibit opening tomorrow night, and I would love it if you accompanied me."

He bows slightly, a true gentleman, and she can't keep the smile from her face.

"Sounds fun." It doesn't. It sounds ridiculously boring, but it was training, and she had a Nara to outmatch. "Shikamaru and I were just talking about how I needed to do something fun tomorrow evening."

Shikamaru doesn't say it out loud this time, but the deadpanned expression says it for him. _You have got to be kidding me._

"Wonderful," Sai says, "I'll pick you up at 7 then."

"Are you sure you want Ino to find out you two went to some art exhibit without her?" Shikamaru asks Sakura.

Her smile drops. Ino would kill her.

"He has a point." She admits reluctantly.

"Maybe you should just ask Ino instead." Shikamaru suggests to Sai.

"Or maybe we could all go. No reason for anyone to miss out on experiencing art. Right Sai?" Sakura grinds out. Sai lets out an awkward chuckle, eyes darting between them.

"I feel as though there is some subtext I'm not understanding here," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "But I would certainly enjoy all four of us spending the evening together."

"Perfect, sounds like a plan," Sakura says triumphantly.

"Yes, I've never been on a double-date before, and I believe this qualifies," Sai muses, smile back.

Sakura winces and says quickly, "No, it doesn't."

"Let him think what he wants," Shikamaru grumbles, slouching over in his seat and propping his head up with an elbow on the table. He feels the need to clarify, "Just as long as you know _Ino_ is your date, Sai. I'm sure she'll be over the moon."

"I'll go to tell her right away. See you tomorrow," Sai says cheerily, making his exit.

"I hope you're happy with yourself," Shikamaru complains, "We could have done something actually fun, but you've shackled us to that troublesome pair just to prove a point. This is going to be such a drag."

"You're just upset that I won," Sakura smirks and drains the last of her water.

"We'll see if it still feels like a victory after tomorrow," he says, passing his water to her and taking her empty glass, then his eyes slide to peer out the window. She smiles in thanks, and after taking another drink, she notices his thumb ghost across his pointer finger out of habit.

"Oh, I almost forgot," she says, digging through her hip bag and pulling out the ring box. "While I was in the market today, I got a ring of my own, so you can have yours back now."

She yanks the silver band from her thumb and slides it across the table to him. He frowns at it, silent for a beat, gears turning behind his quick mahogany eyes.

"Keep it. I want you to have it," he says with finality, turning his face back out the window. Her smile freezes on her face, Ino's annoying words in her head. If he doesn't accept, you'll know for sure.

"Nonsense, I can tell you miss it," she tries again, "I see you reaching for it all the time. Just take it, I have my own now."

He doesn't even spare her a glance, face blank, shoulders stiff. "Return yours then. I don't need it."

An uneasy feeling twinges in her stomach. Maybe it's his way of saying he'll protect her too. Shikamaru was so quiet, so unexpected about these things. He'd never admit it if she asked him directly.

She owed him so much. He was such a constant, such a friend and so kind. He never judged her and always gave her a choice, always respected her opinions. They were partners, a real team. He deserved to feel that too, her feelings that she needed him. The reminder that she was there for him too.

An impulse itches inside her, and she chews her lip, drumming her fingers against the box.

Before she can second guess it, she pushes the ring box to him. "Take this one then."

His eyebrows shoot up, and the hopeful expression on her face makes her chest light, reassuring her that this was the right decision. His skilled hands pluck the box from the table like she'd planned on snatching it back before he could take it.

He opens it, and she blushes again, feeling shy, "It's okay if you don't want it. Its kind of pink. I got it for me, so I didn't -,"

"It's perfect," he rumbles cutting her off. He wiggles it out of the box and holds it to the light. It doesn't look _so_ pink, she thinks thankfully.

"Really?" she says.

"It'll remind me of you," he says, lips quirking up as he slides it onto his pointer finger. Her hand runs through her hair, thinking that's what he means, but when he looks at her, his gaze drags over her rosy cheeks and petal pink lips.

"You aren't afraid the guys will tease you?" She asks, clasping her hands together in her lap, gaze falling to the side.

"Tch, I'll just ask when the last time a pretty girl gave _them_ a gift and that'll shut them up," he says with a smug smile.

Her face flushes more, heartbeat picking up. Did he realize he had just called her pretty?

"I guess that would work." She mumbles, sliding Shikamaru's ring back on her thumb and returns the empty ring box to her pouch.

Their food comes, and they fall back into the easy back and forth, the comfortable silences and Sakura realizes it's not the end of the world. She had Shikamaru here for her, a rock in the daylight and Kakashi, her defender in the shadows.

* * *

A miracle has occurred.

When she gets to the archives, all the censored documents are still there and that mousey haired chunin isn't.

Maybe it isn't a miracle though. Maybe it was Kakashi.

She'd told him this research was important, so what if he'd kept the materials secret for her. Hope rises in her chest, a smile on her lips.

She's not secretive this time. She pulls everything from the shelf, dragging Shikamaru along to help too. It's a good hour before she convinces herself she can't steal them. She wants too, but the security in the archives is too tight. If, no, when she got caught, she'd have her clearance revoked and then she'd really be screwed.

Its well past midnight when Shikamaru asks, "How late are we staying tonight?"

She can't leave, because although the materials are here now, she doesn't know for sure if Kakashi would have told Tsunade. She doesn't know if they will be here the next time she comes.

"Not sure," she says, barely looking up from her work. Shikamaru groans. "I have until tomorrow. You promised." He notices the loophole she's created for herself and frowns.

"You should take it easy" He worries, "You've had a long day."

"I'll take it easy in a few weeks when all this is behind me. Until then, I can't stop." She returns, "Plus, I did this all the time when I was training to become a medic-nin. I'm used to it."

"That's what I'm afraid of." He grumbles.

An hour passes like a few seconds to Sakura. There was so much good information here. She'd even found an fMRI scan of an activated Sharingan hidden in some thesis paper for an Uchiha clansman. Something in particular surprised her with that find. It showed a large amount of activity in the area of the brain that processed emotions when activated. She wasn't sure what to make of it, and the thesis paper hadn't been any help either.

She had pages and pages of notes. They seemed to become more and more disorganized until it was basically her just copying word for word anything she could.

A diagram of the special chakra nodes still eluded her though. They didn't seem to really understand the awakening and activation of the Sharingan much at all. Except that it usually involved intense psychological trauma.

She remembers how Sasuke's had activated, at near death when fighting Haku. Outside of that mission, things had been much simpler then, she thinks. They'd all been together and happy, before Orochimaru came along.

What did he want with her? What did Sasuke know? She'd considered him for a suspect after the breaking briefly, but not seriously. Now though…

He would care about the notes. He would care about those statistics files on him and his brother too. Konoha was sure to have the most up to date information on Itachi. And it would even make sense why he would have taken them from her place and not the records room. Getting caught by her was much lower stakes than a fleet of chunin, then ANBU shortly after. He might think she'd just swoon and let him go.

But there was Tsunade's obvious cover-up to consider too. Actually, this might be explainable too. If a missing-nin, especially _this_ missing-nin, had infiltrated the village, she wouldn't want that information out. Kakashi for sure wouldn't want her or Naruto to know.

And the research. Sasuke might be interested in that too.

Shikamaru shifts, head resting against his arms and letting out some unintelligible string of words in his sleep. She represses a smile and decides to take pity on him.

She softly shakes his shoulder.

"I'm finished," she whispers. He blinks up at her, rubbing his eyes.

"Finally." He breathes.

As she's cleaning up, the reality that soon she'll be alone again sinks in. The image of Sasuke's cold face, blood-soaked hand lighting up in a Chidori comes to her and her breath catches. Would he really hurt her? She didn't even know if it was really him doing this though. Orochimaru's face is in her mind, shedding its skin like a snake and she shutters. In the daylight, it hadn't seemed so bad, but now her fear was back. Kakashi was out there, sure, but he couldn't be everywhere at once.

Maybe she should give into that weak girl inside her and go to him tonight.

No, don't go there again. He has enough of her burdens to carry. Her shoulders sag, under exhaustion and dread.

"Ready?" Shikamaru asks, picking up her bag and handing it to her. She smiles weakly in thanks.

She can't believe he had stayed this long, and the sight of his face centers her again. She doesn't want to part with him or this feeling.

The question is on her tongue before she can overthink it.

"Will you walk me home tonight?" She hates how small and vulnerable she sounds, but for whatever reason Shikamaru brightens at the question.

"Of course," he says.

She walks more slowly than usual, dragging out the remaining time before she'll have to be alone again. Alone with multiple very powerful people vying for her. Shikamaru doesn't seem to mind and as if he can sense her unease, takes her hand halfway through the trip. She clutches it like a lifeline.

They reach her apartment and she lingers outside. Fear is writhing in her stomach.

"I don't want you to leave." She admits, not really sure what will come of it.

Her words give him the courage to step close, bring his hand to her cheek. There's a glimmer dancing through his eyes that she hadn't noticed before. "I know the feeling. It's always so hard to walk away from you."

Her eyes widen and drop to his chest. He doesn't want to leave either. A whisper in her mind says maybe he won't have to then. If she just asks, maybe he'll stay and all this fear growing inside her will dissipate.

She shouldn't though. She should be strong, not put him in danger for her sake.

She tries to put on a brave smile, but he sees through it with those quick, knowing eyes that see through all the parts of her.

A small form darting down her apartment steps draws their attention though and his hand drops from her face.

"Hey kid," Pakkun says bounding up to her. She leans down to him.

"What are you doing here?" She asks with concern. "Is Kakashi okay?" Was he hurt? Did he need her?

"The boss is busy tonight, but he wanted me to get you a message." He says and Sakura's eyebrows draw in. She glances to Shikamaru, who looks very put out.

"He says the mole has gone underground. He's trying to smoke him out, but until the boss finds him, he doesn't want you staying here alone. Said he made a promise that he's trying to keep." Pakkun repeats faithfully.

Her heart sores, her happiness that Kakashi's really trying out-weighing the fear of Kenta being on the loose.

"What do you mean a mole?" Shikamaru questions.

"Some chunin named Kenta," Pakkun supplies, "He was selling off information on Sakura to the wrong people. The boss was taking care of him today when he got interrupted."

Sakura freezes, and as she looks back to Shikamaru, she can see his mind connecting all the dots.

"Interrupted by me," he says, looking to her for confirmation, finding it in her immediately. His face darkens, "You were following Kakashi today. That's why you didn't come to practice, and after you overheard him interrogating that Chunin, you had a panic attack."

His shoulders fall, and he yanks his hand from her grasp, "All _this_ is just because you're afraid, not because…," he trails off, scoffing and shaking his head back and forth. "Of course, I should have known better."

"Shikamaru," she says, an apology.

"I wish you would have just told me," he says, taking a step back, disappointed eyes dropping to the ground.

"I'm supposed to take you to Naruto's," Pakkun interjects.

"No way, I'm not staying in that pile of garbage he calls an apartment," Sakura insists, crossing her arms.

"Well, I can escort you somewhere else." Pakkun shrugs, "Only order I was given was that it couldn't be to this guy's house."

Pakkun points a paw at Shikamaru, who gives an offended huff and turns away. She hopes he argues against it, wanting to cling to the calm he offers, but he doesn't. His expression is more indifferent than usual.

"My parents would kill me anyway." He murmurs.

"I'll go to Ino's," Sakura decides, thinking that will be an acceptable option to them all. Shikamaru offers her no reward, clinging to this gloomy attitude that's settled over him.

"Whatever," he sighs and turns in the direction of the Nara compound.

She can't just let him leave like this.

She darts in front of him. "Don't be upset. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought Kakashi was taking care of it."

He goes livid. She shouldn't have mentioned Kakashi.

"You know the only reason he sent a ninken was because you found out about this, right? Not because he's changed at all. He wouldn't have bothered if you hadn't overheard." He accuses.

"I don't want to fight about him anymore, Shikamaru." Sakura says wearily, but her mind turns over his words. Like so many times before, she doesn't want to believe them.

"Because you've forgiven him." Shikamaru states, accusing eyes on her. She doesn't understand why this matters so much, why he won't just let this go.

Its late. She doesn't have it in her to fight and doesn't know what to say to sooth the anger in him. So, she draws her arms around him, rocking up onto her toes and resting her chin on his shoulder. His hands go to her waist and she isn't sure if he's returning the embrace or about to push her away.

"I don't want to fight," she murmurs. His hands tighten and he decides.

He steps back out of her arms, pressing her away, jaw clenching. "And you say I play games with people."

"What?" she asks stunned.

He shakes his head and steps around her, drudging toward home.

It's worse. She's just somehow made it worse. She can't stand having this tension or disagreement or whatever between them, but she doesn't know how to fix it. So, she watches him retreat down the path until he turns out of her field of view.

* * *

"If this doesn't make Shikamaru forgive you, I don't know what else will." Ino says, finishing the last curl in Sakura's hair.

She had to admit that despite her apprehension about taking a day off, she'd been having a blast on this girl's day with Ino. She couldn't remember the last time they had just had hung out together and getting to break out the nail polish, make-up and gossip had been just what she needed. She was extremely thankful for Shikamaru twisting her arm into this and Ino for making herself available.

That didn't stop Sakura from her friendly teasing though.

"Yes, I'm sure that was what pissed him off. My hair wasn't done," Sakura rolls her eyes, but still finds herself admiring her reflection in Ino's bathroom mirror.

Her short hair was curled into soft waves and Ino had applied some subtle make-up, enhancing her large jade eyes.

"Men are very simple creatures," Ino lectures, running her fingers through Sakura's hair to soften the curls further, "All they want in life is a pretty face, a firm ass and good food. And most will settle for two out of three."

She doesn't ask exactly which of the three qualities Ino finds her lacking in.

"And how is that working out for you and Sai?" Sakura returns.

"Sai is a complicated man." Ino sighs, unphased, "I've always liked a challenge though, and I know I'm really close to sealing the deal. I mean, he did ask me out tonight, right?"

Sakura feels a sliver of guilt, but what will a little white lie hurt, "That's true. He must be somewhat interested."

"Chya! There is no way he'll be able to resist this," She says, gesturing to down her body. The looks the part of a seductress, that was to be sure. She'd always been exceedingly pretty, but now with her waterfall of long blond hair, her smoky makeup giving depth to her piercing blue eyes and the skin tight black cocktail dress, Sakura knew that there wasn't a guy out there that wouldn't be able to take their eyes off her.

She tries not to feel jealous; she really does.

"All done," Ino says, dropping her hands from Sakura's hair. "What do you think?"

Sakura takes in her reflection. She looks good. Cute. But not drop dead gorgeous like Ino or strikingly sophisticated like Kurenai.

"Its great, Ino." She says, trying her best for a smile.

"Now let's get you in a dress!" She sings, flitting away to her closet. Oh god. She did not want to squeeze into one of Ino's skimpy dresses.

"I really don't think that's necessary," she says following her back to her room, but Ino is already digging through her closet, tossing rejections onto the floor.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Ino says into her closet, ignoring the protest from Sakura. Sakura had lost this battle so many times before, that going through the motions didn't even seem worth it apparently. "I heard the most scandalous thing from these two genin that came into the shop yesterday."

Ino pulls out a skimpy purple shirt that Sakura realizes is actually a dress when Ino holds it to Sakura's body. She frowns and shakes her head, not explaining why it's a 'no' before continuing.

"Apparently, there's a Jonin sensei that's been a little too friendly with a student if you know what I mean." Ino wiggles her eyebrows at Sakura before twirling back to the closet.

"No way," Sakura gasps, "Friendly how?"

"Oh, they were banging. She was of age, so it wasn't like _that_ or anything but still, pretty bad, right?" Ino says breezily, pulling out a more conservative plum colored jumpsuit. She cringes, "Why do I own so much purple? It totally doesn't work for you."

"Tsunade's going to kill him. She'd still consider that sexual harassment. You know how protective she is of the kunoichi," Sakura says.

"You don't have to tell me. I had to take that training twice," Ino says, "She hates how many guys I date, but you know I can't resist a Jonin uniform."

Ino throws a wink over her shoulder at Sakura and she smiles despite herself.

"I know. You went on and on about Asuma for weeks after you got assigned to him." Sakura laughs. She hadn't undertood that fascination at all, since Kakashi was so slouchy and wore his uniform baggier than Asuma had. Kakashi was oddly conservative about his body, she supposed, since he wouldn't even let them see his face.

"Don't be jealous I got a total hunk for a sensei and you got stuck with a perverted old man." Ino returns, finding a jade tee-shirt dress in the very back of her closet. She eyes it with distain but pulls it out anyway.

"Kakashi is not old, his hair is just naturally that color," Sakura counters, "And he's not bad looking either, Ino-pig."

"You haven't even seen his face, Forehead, so you wouldn't even know." Ino rolls her eyes and holds the dress up to Sakura.

"Well he has nice eyes." She says weakly, feeling like she needed to defend him but not knowing quite why.

"Of course, you think that. You'd go weak kneed over anyone with a Sharingan," Ino teases and Sakura flushes red.

"Would not!" She protests, but Ino just smirks.

"This will work," Ino says, referring to the dress. "I think its yours anyway. No way I'd buy green."

* * *

She was so bored.

When the four of them had gotten to the Art gallery, Sai had quickly explained that all the pictures on display tonight had been based off of the Ogura Hyakunin Isshu,the famous 100 poets waka poems, but that was all he got out before Ino had whisked him away. Sakura hadn't gotten his help decoding a single picture before that. Now she was on her own.

This training was the absolute worst. None of these paintings drove any kind of emotional response from her. It was just a picture. And half the poems she didn't even get. Still, she dutifully tried, standing minutes in front of each one and jotting down notes. Journaling again.

Her only source of entertainment, Shikamaru, for the evening was sulking on a bench in the corner, apparently still angry with her.

She felt ridiculous now in this stupid dress. Ino had been completely wrong about her 'dressing up' being the key to him forgiving her. Not that she'd expected anything different, but she'd expected some kind of reaction. She looked good, damn it, but he had hardly even glanced at her, let alone spoken to her.

She glances back to Shikamaru again and does a double take. Was he sleeping?

She huffs. Unbelievable.

She decides not to tell him she's moving on to a different room. Good riddance. She's not staying another second because if she has to look at another Cherry Blossom tree in this spring themed room, she's going to set this place on fire.

The next room is summer poems, it seems. A glance around the room and she sees river scenes, mountain paths, landscapes. She sighs again. Here we go.

She turns to begin, but a familiar scene catches her eye. She walks to it, across the room.

The canvas is modest compared to the others around it. It's a simple forest scene, but not just any forest. She knows it in her bones that this is Nara forest.

The familiar green canopy his filtering light down onto a mess of ferns, giving them an ethereal glow. A fallen tree in the center of is covered in moss and small floral weeds. Bedded down against the bark, a deer spotted with white is resting, stretching its neck up as if taking in the glittering sun.

That's her forest. Her chest lightens, feeling that usual calm settle over her. She walks to the center of the room where benches are lined up for people to sit and enjoy that work from afar.

She sits, observing every little detail, but doesn't write a single word. She doesn't need too.

People come and go in front of her, taking in the painting for a moment or two before moving on to the larger, grander landscapes. People who took minutes staring at the pink petals of the portraits in the last room. She wonders how they can't appreciate this one the same way.

Maybe they'd never really been and that's why the passed by.

She doesn't know how long she's been staring at it - minutes, hours – but its apparently long enough for Shikamaru to come check on her.

"Are you done?" he asks, plopping down on the bench next to her.

"Not yet," she says, not sparing him a glance. Her arms are crossed and she's tapping the end of her pen against her lips thoughtfully.

"Do you recognize this place?" she says, turning to him. His gaze darts away from hers. She's caught him staring.

"Looks like my back yard," he grumbles, looking it over for a few seconds.

"I thought so too," she murmurs, turning her eyes back to it. They sit in silence a bit more.

"How long have you been staring at this thing?" He asks.

"I'm not sure," she answers absently.

"What's the big deal? You see this place every day." Shikamaru says, sliding his hands into his pockets.

"I know, but its never enough," she says with a sly glance and a soft smile. "I'd stay there forever if you'd let me."

Again, his eyes dart away from hers and his cheeks flush.

"Don't say things like that." Shikamaru, grumbles and she's not sure why he's angry again.

"Why are you being so grumpy tonight?" she huffs, fed up with his attitude.

"Forget it," he grumbles, standing. "Just let me know when you're finished."

He's walking to the corner of the room again and she follows this time.

"You're still mad at me, and I don't even know why." She says, and he doesn't answer, but slouches down into a chair, content to ignore her.

"I already apologized, didn't I?" She says, "What else do you want me to do?"

"I want you to finish this so I can go home." He pouts, leaning on his hand.

"Just go home now then, Shikamaru. I'm not making you stay." She huffs, hands on her hips.

"Fine," he says, shooting up out of his chair. "Don't bother coming for training tomorrow. Maybe you should just focus on your _research_ since that's so important to you."

She bristles. "What's that supposed to mean?"

His gaze slides to her, "Don't play dumb, Sakura. It doesn't suit you."

"This is about him, isn't it?" Sakura grinds out. "Kakashi."

He stiffens. "Not everything is about him."

"I should be saying that to you." She scoffs, "Look, I get it. He's not perfect. He probably made a dumb mistake with Kurenai and you have every right to be pissed for Asuma's sake, but holding grudges-,"

"I said it's not that," he interrupts.

"Then tell me what it is about," she says and he scowls.

"Just forget it, Sakura. It's too troublesome," he sighs, walking away from her again.

"You don't mean that," she says catching his hand. "I can't stand fighting with you, Shikamaru. I want to fix this so just tell me how."

Something in her gaze finally breaks through to him and he lets out a long breath, eyes dropping to the floor.

"I just," he huffs, rubbing a frustrated hand against the back of his neck, "I wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me what happened, like you did him." Shikamaru doesn't have to say Kakashi's name for her to know.

"I should have." She agrees. She felt like such garbage for hurting his feelings like that. He had helped her through a panic attack, held her hair back when she'd puked her guts out and she couldn't even tell him why he'd had to do it. He's just worrying again about her, caring about her. She was such garbage. "I'll tell you anything you want now. Just ask. I promise."

He studies her face, watching the thoughts and regret flit across. She expects him to ask why she didn't tell him, what exactly was going on with Kenta, but he doesn't.

"Do you love him?" he asks, but its more vulnerable than she expects. She's taken aback but knows better than to question why he's asked.

"Kakashi?" she asks, and when he nods, she says automatically. "Of course, I do. He's like family to me."

His shoulders sag, and he can't look her in the eyes.

"And what am I to you?" he murmurs, hands sliding into his pockets.

She pauses, again taken aback by the question. Friends comes to her first, but the fit of it isn't quite right. He was more than that. Best friends? Too childish. Plus, he had Choji and she had Ino. The relationship wasn't the same.

A mentor? No, that sounded like he was above her and he wasn't. He was her rock, dependable and strong. That was way to cheesy though.

Why was this so difficult?

"I-I don't know," she stammers. He sighs.

"Let me know when you figure it out." He's walking away again. She won't let him.

"Wait," she calls, grabbing hold of his hand, "Let me show you."

"Show me?" There's a familiar curiosity in his eyes as she pulls him along, searching for a specific painting she'd seen earlier in the night.

"There's a painting I saw earlier, and, well, I thought of you immediately when I saw it. Of what you are to me." She explains. There.

She comes to a stop in front of a canvas easily as tall as she is.

It's the ocean, violent and dark, churning under harsh wind. The tide is ripped back from the shore, white foam spitting across the cracks and stones in the sand. It's pulled up, gathered into a powerful wave about to crest. Sun is glinting of its surface, shining through refract in a startling an aquamarine, just a shade off from the color of her eyes.

Is what's in the center, though, that took her breath away. The focus of the piece is a rugged, slate grey stone, proud and strong. The wave crashes against it, but it doesn't move an inch, forcing back the spray, shattering it into the air behind its dark form.

It's beautiful, so real. She wanted to memorize it, to replicate it, because even now, she can hear the whoosh of the water, feel the wind on her face, taste the salt on her tongue. The steady strength of that rock steels her will.

"This one. This one reminds me of you," she says finally, dragging her eyes away from the painting to him. Hope rises in her chest that he'll understand immediately because it was so clear to her.

"A rock?" He's disappointed.

"Well, yeah." She says flushing. He didn't get it. "I don't know if I can explain it without sounding dumb."

His eyes are fixed on the poem on the plaque beside it, darkening with each word he reads. She hadn't even read it but does now.

_Ogura Hyakunin Isshu_

_Poem #48 – Author: Minamoto no Shigeyuki_

" _When the winds are at their strongest,_

_the waves crash into the rocks, only to fall apart themselves._

_Just like those waves, my own heart is in danger of breaking apart,_

_as I continue to pine endlessly for you."_

The first half is dead on, but the second, she's not sure it really applies at all and kind of regrets not noticing this was a love poem at the start.

"Try," he murmurs, taking his hand back and sliding it into his pocket.

She swallows and steps closer to the painting, trying to extract the meaning from each brush stroke and convert this emotion in her to words.

"You're just-," she starts, but a wave of insecurity, vulnerability crests over her and she stumbles. She tries to abstract, to make this feel less like a confession and more like an observation of the painting.

"It's just so steady and…strong." She murmurs slowly and the urge to reach out and touch the canvas comes over her. She clutches her hand to her chest, instead. "Even with waves crashing around it, it doesn't falter or break."

She turns to him, but his brows are still drawn in, confused. She was so bad at this, couldn't get the words out right. An idea comes to her. She could show him with genjutsu.

She gazes into his eyes for a moments and then they aren't in the gallery anymore. They're on wet sand, watching the tide roll out and in, wind whipping at their clothes.

The genjutsu is so seamless, Shikamaru jumps at the abrupt change. His eyes go wide as he takes in the churning ocean.

"Are you doing this?"

"Yes," she says, but her eyes slide shut. It's taking all her concentration to hold it, to adjust every detail as the sun and water shift.

"This is amazing." he breathes, and she wishes she could spare the focus to see his expression. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I'm showing you my feelings." Is all she says, before adding the second layer, the emotional response.

She gathers everything inside her, all the fear, the uncertainty, the stress, everything that's been weighting in her this past month. Then she opens her mind to him.

He gasps, then let's out a pained groan. Her eyes fly open. Had she messed it up?

He's clutching his chest.

"Are you okay?"

"What is this?" He asks, "It's so heavy"

"I'm sending you everything I'm feeling," she explains softly. Then she turns to the ocean, drawing on the churning sea. The tide pulls back but doesn't come in again. Her eyes slide shut, and the sky too grows dark, grey clouds rolling in across the sun.

"Everything in my life right now is so uncertain. I feel like I'm stuck in a storm, being ripped apart"

The water grows black, pulling up and up, gathering into a giant wave, straining to hold back. She struggling to keep the layers separate, too keep her emotion link from feeding back into the world.

"Sakura," Shikamaru calls, eyes following the dark wave growing up, up until it brushes the sky, towering stories taller than them.

"I feel like I'm drowning." She continues. She's gone somewhere far away in her mind, sinking down into that familiar whirlpool of dark icy water. A twin icy wind bellows against them and Shikamaru brings and arm up to shield his eyes.

Something's not right. She feels every emotion like it's been amplified, and it fills her every sense. She's slipping away, losing herself to the illusion.

"Sakura, stop." His voice trembles with fear, she knows because she feels it too. That ever-present chill against her neck. The ground rumbles beneath them, shaking as Sakura struggles to hold together.

"And I can't weather it. I'm not strong enough" she says, voice breaking. She can't.

"Sakura, stop!" Shikamaru cries but it's drowned out by the wind and roar of water.

It breaks and that looming wall of water collapses in, rushing toward them. They have seconds.

He lunges in front of her, turning his back to the rush of water and clinging to her, shielding her and bracing for the impact.

It doesn't come.

The moment he surrounds her, his pine and Earth scent filling her, his steady strong arms holding her together, she calms.

The sound of sea and wind is gone. Birds and the rustling of leaves are in its place and when she opens her eyes, green light is filtering down to her from the canopy of trees above. Light glitters with each shift of the wind.

She can feel Shikamaru take a deep breath against her, relaxing against her frame. She hugs him back, feeling more of herself still and knowing he feels it too.

"We're home," he says by her ear and she nods. She hadn't brought them here on purpose. It just happened.

She finds it so much easier to say this, with her face hidden in his shoulder.

"When I remember you are here, I don't feel scared anymore. I think of us together in the forest and I can breathe again."

His hold on her tightens.

"You're always pulling me back to something solid and true. You're my rock and I need that."

He pulls back finally and when she sees his warm eyes on hers, that feeling is back. The warm, calm, like a blanket wraps around her.

"I need you" she breathes out, eyes darting between his.

His eyes widen, lips parting in surprise. Her gaze lingers there for a moment. That pull to him she felt on her couch after the rainstorm is back, but something about the genjutsu has amplified it 10-fold. And this time, she's not alone in it. She knows it from the hazy look in his eyes. He's drawing her nearer, hand coming to the back of her neck.

Warmth floods her stomach. Closer. Her hands fist in his shirt. She needs to be closer.

She's sharing breath with him, warm air filling her lungs with his smell and it fogs her mind. She needs him.

This isn't real, she thinks, and he brushes his nose against hers. She's dialed all of her emotions up in her desperation for him to feel and understand her.

It's not real.

Her eyes slide shut.

It's not, but it's so comfortable and warm.

His lips brush against hers.

She loses it. Her grasp on the world slips through her fingers and she's back in the gallery, standing feet from Shikamaru and chest heaving with the effort of the jutsu and the gravity of what had almost just happened. His eyes slide open and they look just as startled as hers. It's like waking up from a dream. The images are gone, but the feelings linger, fading with every passing moment.

"I'm sorry," she says quickly, "I didn't mean to - everything got amplified and I didn't realize-"

His hands are on her cheeks, tilting her face up to his and then her mind goes blank.

His lips press against hers, soft and warm. Again, the gallery falls away, world narrowing to only the two of them. A gentle heat fills her stomach, heart fluttering in her chest.

He pulls back, brown eyes churning under heavy lids as he brushes his thumbs along her cheeks.

"This isn't real," she murmurs, reminding herself or telling him, she can't tell.

"It feels real," he breathes, eyes sliding shut and leaning in to nuzzle his nose against hers.

He kisses her again, tender and slow. It muddles her head, and she can't pull away. Can't string together a full thought.

"It's just endorphins-," she murmurs against his lips as he shifts, capturing them again. And again. He's stoking that heat in her, breathing life into it so it won't fade away back to reality.

"-from the jutsu," she gasps against him, but she's returning each gentle press now, resolve melting under his thorough attentions. She can't believe how good this feels. For once her mind is completely blank, each new brush of his soft lips sweeping away a worry, a fear.

Her hands slide up his chest to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. She wishes his hair was down so she could run her fingers through it.

This is so calming. More calming than his presence, his smell or his embrace. She doesn't want to stop. Can't remember why she needed to.

"This isn't real," falls from her mouth again.

"It is" he rumbles and his hands slide back into her hair, tilting her head up further, kissing her deeper as if to convince her.

And God was he convincing.

That gentle heat is building, urging her to give him more. She yields herself to it, leaning into his sturdy frame. Her heart flutters again, leaving her breathless, thoughtless.

His tongue sweeps against her bottom lip, and suddenly this all felt very, very real.

"Stop," she gasps, dragging herself backward, out of his grasp. The moment his hands fall from her, she realizes just what she's done.

"No," she gasps. "This was a mistake."

His face falls.

"I shouldn't have done that genjutsu. I haven't mastered it yet and I lost control of it, made you feel things that weren't real."

"Stop saying that," he demands, reaching to pull her back to him, but she takes another step back, hugging her arms around herself.

"I-I messed with your head. And now…" she shutters. What had she done? "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize," he begs, stepping closer but she steps back. This was all just chemicals lingering in his head from her amped up emotional response in the genjutsu. When they faded, he'd realize too just what a mistake this was. And when he did…

"Please don't hate me," she says, eyes dropping to the ground. She can't bear to look at him. Again, she finds it hard to breathe, but she can't reach out to him to center herself. Another step back. "I didn't do this on purpose. I promise."

"I don't hate you, and I don't care if it _was_ on purpose." He assures her, slowly approaching. "I felt everything, Sakura. I understand, and you have nothing to be afraid of. Just stay."

"I can't," she insists. She can't stay, because she'll give in and sag into his arms. She needed to leave, needed space to cool off. "We just need some time to get back to normal again, let this ware off and then we can just forget this ever happened."

"I don't want to forget it," he says. Not now, but in 5 minutes, he would. She knew he would.

"I can't. I just need some time." she says, turning. Suddenly she realizes they were never alone, and she can feel people's eyes on them. They'd made a scene. Her face heats with embarrassment and she flees to the next room. He follows right behind.

"Wait, Sakura," he calls, but she doesn't. He swears under his breath.

She needed to put some distance between them, she needed some time to think, but if she left alone, he'd just follow. She sees Ino and Sai in front of a painting in the corner, Ino clinging to Sai's arm which is stiff by his side. She doesn't want to talk with Ino, doesn't want her judgmental questions, so she strides up to her next best option.

"Sai, there's a painting I want you to see," She lies, starting to drag him out of the room. Shikamaru comes to a stop beside Ino, sending a pleading look to Sakura.

"Sounds enjoyable," Sai says with a smile, not at all minding the interruption.

Ino on the other hand lets out an annoyed, "Hey!" but doesn't fight her past that. Sakura and Sai are out of earshot before she has a chance.

Ino crosses her arms, icily looking Shikamaru up and down, then smirks

"You are _really_ screwing this up, aren't you?" Ino says.

Shikamaru scoffs going red and snaps, "Like you're doing any better."

To which Ino lets out an indignant "Hmph!"

Sakura had just screwed everything up. They had finally come to some understanding, and she'd broken everything to bits by letting that genjutsu get away from her. How was she supposed to look him in the eye again when they'd done _that._ God, she can't even think the word.

Where had that even come from? She was done with love and romance, wasn't she?

Sakura comes to a stop in front of a random painting.

"Ah, number 18," Sai says, "A fine choice."

She glances up at it. It's another shoreline, but the sea is calm under the night sky. The moon reflects off of the dark surface and in a chair on the beach, a woman is dozing. A single set of footprints lead away in the wet sand.

Sai reads the poem on the plaque,

"The waves are gathered  
On the shore of Sumi Bay,  
And in the gathered night,  
When in dreams I go to you,  
I hide from people's eyes."

"Its about dreams," he murmurs, turning to her. She nods, only half listening, mind snagging over and over on the lingering presses of Shikamaru's lips on hers. This time instead of warmth filling her its icy shame freezing into a ball in her stomach.

"Before I met you and Naruto, I didn't know how to dream. Orders and obligation where all I had learned as a child. But when I became part of Team 7, you all taught me how to look up at the night sky and wish for more. Now I look at myself and others and find I am able to want more." He says, gazing into the moon and stars dotted across the canvas.

"When I realized I could, it felt like waking up from a nightmare." He continues turning to her "Do you have nightmares, Sakura?"

Her breath catches because his usual smile isn't there. His face is blank, eyes heavy as if he's trying to say so much more with that dark gaze.

"Yes," Sakura swallows. "I do."

"Then you know what I mean. I am awake to a new reality, but the nightmare still lingers. Orders and obligation still linger." He continues, tone dropping.

"What are you trying to say, Sai?" She asks.

"I want you to know that no matter what, I am part of this team. You and Naruto are my family now, and we protect each other always, right?" He asks.

"Of course," Sakura says immediately.

"I've done my best to hold true to that. Even with these orders I must carry out." He says tightly. "No matter what happens, I want you to know my loyalties lie with my family only."

"You've already proven that, Sai. We know so you don't have to worry." She tries to reassure him, but she's still not following what he's trying to say between his words. Why did he feel it was so important for her to know?

"Thank you, Sakura. You are always so kind." He says with a melancholy smile. "I need you to do something for me."

"What?"

He reaches out, taking her hand and paper crinkles between their palms. He steps closer, voice dropping to a whisper.

"Keep this safe. Don't let it out of your sight."

She takes the paper from his hand, carefully unfolding it and her stomach drops.

"How did you get this Sai?" She asks, voice wobbling. It's the picture of his brother. "This is supposed to be locked in my apartment. How did you get this?"

"I cannot divulge that information." Sai says robotically. Danzo. He was involved somehow, and it wasn't good. Then something clicks in her memory. Sai's hand pressing over the seal on her living room window.

"You – you used my blood and deactivated my seals." She breathes out. He'd left her defenseless and snuck in. But how many times? And why? "How could you do that?"

He gives her a long look.

"My nightmare, Sakura." Is all he can answer. It's an artful metaphor, a riddle to speak around the seal. He was ordered. By Danzo.

He says evenly, "I need you to look again carefully at this and remember."

Her eyes drop to the trembling page in her hand, eyes darting to the flower symbol and code at the bottom: ' _59-63 72-79'_.

"Remember what? You're making no sense. What do these numbers even mean?"

"It's something you've seen before. It's a window to the truth," he says cryptically, "To the reason you have nightmares."

"You've been watching me," she gasps, "That's how you know."

"I cannot divulge that information." He grinds out and she almost cries out in frustration.

"Dammit, Sai, just tell me what the fuck is going on." Her fear is flooding in again, and she's taking it out on him.

"I have told you everything I can. I am very limited with this seal. I need you to think quickly, because we are running out of time. Soon it will be too late." He tries to explain, but she can't be reasoned with in this state.

"Try harder," she snaps.

He slides his eyes closed and does try. It's a reminder that he's trying to help her, but he's also violated her so deeply. The mix is warring in her, tearing her insides apart.

"Do you believe in coincidence?" he says finally, eyes locked on hers and trying again to say more than his words. "Because I don't."

Its another riddle, talking around the seal.

"No, I don't" she agrees, encouraging him further.

"There's always something pulling the strings, be it God, society or just a single powerful person. Everything happens for a reason." Sai says slowly.

"Yes, for a reason," she says back. Someone – Danzo – was the reason. She understood that much.

"Did it feel like a coincidence that I found you in that restaurant yesterday? That I invited you here?" he asks, but again the answer was clear.

"No," she answers breathlessly. No. It hadn't been.

"I wonder what the other path would have been. Had that meeting not taken place." He muses, unblinking eyes not leaving hers. He's asking without asking.

"I'd be at the archives, studying. That's all." She says and he nods slowly.

"Exactly." He says, "The archives."

She tries to put the pieces together, mind racing over his words. It wasn't a coincidence that he'd taken her here. He'd been ordered, probably by Danzo, and if he hadn't, she'd be studying away. So, someone wanted her out of the archives tonight, away from the truth.

"This 'window' is at the archives," she decides, knowing he can't answer, but his eyes light up. Yes, that was correct. It was at the archives, and if Danzo was involved, was it in the materials he'd given her?

"Do you also think it is a coincidence that this showing ends in fifteen minutes?" he asks, pressing her further. "Think quickly, Sakura."

"No," she answers before she knows why. This answer was in the materials from Danzo, the materials that Kakashi now knew about and that she was afraid would disappear any day once he told Tsunade.

"They are taking them tonight." She realizes, and though Sai's face doesn't move, she can see the ghost of smile at the edges of his mouth. Yes.

"I'm going back to Ino now," he says slowly. "I'll be back very soon."

This is a warning, because Sai was watching her now, probably ordered to keep her busy until the end of the timeframe. He'd cut it short on purpose, just barely to give enough time, enough of an alibi for him if anything went wrong.

"I understand," she says, nodding.

"Good," and his fake smile is back, "See you soon."

But she won't.

She's frozen in place, body vibrating with the urge to move but waiting until the second he rounds the corner. Then she's running.

The truth is out there, right inside the village, under her nose the whole time. She needed to get there. Get there first before its ripped from her fingers.

She darts through the maze of rooms to the entrance of the gallery, not caring that there's danger lurking outside, that there are eyes in the darkness watching her as she disappears out into the night.


	9. Don't look down - Part 1

**Done with Love – Chapter 8**

Don't look down - Part 1

* * *

_Command to Agent #005_

_Intervention scheduled. Occupy subject from 19:00 to 21:00, not to enter Hokage Tower or Archives._

_Await further instruction._

* * *

_Command to Agent #324_

_Report on Agent #005 movements. Suspicious activity observed with Subject._

* * *

_Something is definitely not right._

From halfway to the tower, she knows. The building usually glowed like a beacon at all hours of the night, shinobi bustling in and out. Now its windows were dark except for the Hokage's office on the top floor. She had only seen the Hokage tower this empty one time – after Sasuke had left the village.

Plus after he time serving as apprentice to the Hokage, she knew what that meant.

It was an emergency council meeting.

Chunin were stationed at the entrance in the front, so she kept to the shadows of the surrounding buildings, pressing down her chakra signature. She needed to get past it undetected to get to the archives on top of the Hokage's monument.

She slides off her ridiculous high heel shoes. Her footfalls go silent as she hurries along the west side, choosing to cut through the academy rather than the busy Jonin apartments to the east. It pays off. The academy is a ghost town.

Only when she's staring up the sharp cliff's edge of the monument does she truly comprehend how underprepared she is for this endeavor. She's in a bright green dress, no weapons, no pouches, no shoes. There's no time to stop though. Five minutes burned so far and each second she hesitated could make the difference.

She darts up the stairs cut into the side of the monument and gets about half way.

"I can't believe we got stuck with rounds again," she hears a voice carry through the darkness. _Shit._

"Its your own fault!" A second responds, closer now, above her on the stairs past the next landing. She looks right down the steep cliff face and left to the unforgiving wall of rock. She has nowhere to go.

"If you wouldn't back talk the captain so much, we wouldn't be in this mess!" The second voice yells.

She jumps up the rock wall, chakra pooling to her hands and feet. A hiss of pain catches in her throat as rocks dig into her bare feet. Foot falls echo beneath her, too close for comfort, so she scrambles up higher, tucking her body against the rocks as much as she can.

The chunin pass below. She doesn't dare breathe, doesn't dare move because one shift could send a slide of rocks crackling down the monument side.

_Don't look up. Don't look up. Don't -_

"I can't help it!" The first man responds, throwing his hands in the air. "He's such an asshole."

His voice is fading now, disappearing around the bend. "I mean, he didn't even remember my birthday last month."

She'd roll her eyes at the stupidity of the comment if she wasn't so goddamn thankful for their negligence.

The second chunin's response is muffled, far enough away that she finally lets out the breath she'd been holding. She looks up. She's wedged herself underneath Hoshirama's chin.

Instead of dropping below though, she decides this way is much faster. If she keeps to the right, she can climb up in the shadowy crevasse between the 1st and 2nd Hokage's faces, out of sight from the patrols on the stairs.

When she reaches the top, she scans the area for more patrolmen, but it's clear. She drags herself up, chest heaving. Her arms are burning and her feet sting. She'd heal them, but her chakra levels aren't looking great from the genjutsu at the gallery and her climb. Her dress is covered in dirt and sweat and she wishes for a cool breeze that doesn't come.

Just a little further, she thinks as she darts to the backside of the archive building. Its not really a building, but an entryway. The archives themselves are burrowed deep into the mountainside.

Back against the wood slates of the entryway, she inches around peeking to see if a guard is posted.

_Damn._

It's just one man and he even looks a little short, but with his light grey vest, and bone white, blood red bird mask she knows better than to underestimate him. He's ANBU.

She doesn't have another way in. This is it.

She'll have to fight him.

This was insane. Was she really going to just sneak attack someone from her own village, and ANBU member no less? If she lost, she could get suspended. Hell, since she was already on probation, probably just straight demoted.

Was this worth it?

A cool, answering breeze finally blows through, catching her skirt, her hair and the necklace around her neck. She presses the necklace back to her chest, crumpling Sai's drawing in her other hand.

Don't give up.

Yes. It was worth it. Sai had risked a lot to give her this chance, and she wouldn't waste it.

She peeks around the corner again to formulate a plan.

All she sees is light grey.

Her eyes dart up to see the Anbu's lifeless mask inches from her face. How had he -

"Nice perfume," he purrs. Her eyes go wide. He'd smelled her perfume on the breeze, "Not very covert, though."

He grabs for her, but she twirls away, darting to put distance between them, but he flash steps in front of her. Her instinct is to smash her fist into his face. He deflects, directing her attack into the dirt.

The last second, she pulls her chakra back, keeping from demolishing the monument below. Her knuckles scrape against the earth, biting into her flesh without her gloves to protect her.

A kick to her back and she's sprawled onto the dirt. She rolls, just in time to avoid the second blow, catching his foot. She pulls with enhanced strength and he tumbles on top of her. Another roll and she's on top, grabbing for his arms, tugging them behind him.

He cries out in pain as she wrenches against the joint.

Poof. He's gone. A substitution.

She's on her feet a breath later, searching for him but –

Above.

She lunges away, just as he brings down his heel from above her. Tucking her chin, she does a front roll and pops back up to her feet. He's so fast. Almost as fast as Lee.

Behind.

She blinks and his arms are coming around her. Almost as fast as Lee, but not quite. She ducks, taking out his legs with a spinning kick. Thump, he's on the ground. She's on him, doesn't give him the chance to get to his feet.

His brown eyes burn through the holes in his mask.

She's inside his mind without conscious thought.

He has defenses, but not strong enough for her. He sucks in a sharp breath.

His sight is gone.

She's blocked his optic nerve, stopped it from communicating to his mind. Then, just like she'd done to Shikamaru in the alley, she blocks the motor neurons to his jaw, his throat until he can't speak a word.

Please hold, she prays as she darts to the unguarded door.

She's flying down the steps, barely remembering to keep quiet. With any luck at all, that was the only ANBU guard here.

Its dark inside, for once feeling every bit the cavern in the mountain it was, but more importantly it was empty. She'll take what she can get.

She knows her way, eyes adjusting bit by bit as she goes and within a few moments, she's on her knees digging through the shelf. It's so dark, she has to hold the binding from a book inches from her face to make out the print, but there pressed into the edge is a small fan. Yes. They are still here.

She lets out a shaky breath. Thank god.

The numbers are a mantra in her head as she searches through the files, scrolls, and books.

_59-63 72-79. 59-63 72-79._

A document ID? A page number? She hopes not. She doesn't have time to search through every single page.

She picks up the stack of medical charts and autopsies bound together with that thick red rubber band and freezes.

The flower symbol is printed on the front in black ink. Sai's ink.

Dammit. She remembers now. She had studied these that first night. The files with Toshiro and his missing Sharingan. This was it. How could she have been so stupid to not notice before?

She checks the patient IDs on the labels. #13859 thru #13863. That's it: 59-63.

The numbers were for the patient IDs.

A door opens, clanging through the heavy silence.

No, its too soon. She needed more time.

"I already warned you once, Danzo. This is the last straw." Tsunade's voice cuts through the dark. The lights on the walls flare to life. Sakura's eyes squint against the sudden change. Had they noticed the incapacitated ANBU agent in the front? Did they know someone was here?

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

She shoves the materials back, taking three stacks of medical files with her.

"I heeded your warning, I assure you, but this was a unique case." Danzo's voice rings out.

"That warranted _my_ approval" Tsunade hisses.

"Technically the council only needs a 3/4ths majority, which I did receive." Danzo replies, tone deceptively sweet.

The footsteps are rushing right toward her. At least 3 pairs, maybe more.

She scrambles up. There's no shadow to hide in anymore, just a wall of books in front of her, turning a corner to the right and another bookshelf behind her. Left, right or up?

"Enough. This is my apprentice you are toying with. She is extremely bright and given the right information, she will draw the right conclusions. You'll expose everything, and for what, a silly research project?" Tsunade's voice is louder than ever.

"The council agrees that this is _not_ a silly research project, but a vital contribution to the future revival of the Uchiha clan. We need this information desperately." Danzo counters.

"A lot of good it will do when our only Uchiha is a deserter with a death wish, actively working against the village." Tsunade huffs.

They're coming from her left, and she's out of time, so she chooses, pressing her body against the far side of the bookshelf to her right. Its double wide, thick enough to hide her form. Her chest is shaking with the effort to keep her trembling breaths silent and her heart is beating out of her chest.

Stay calm. She could do this. She only had to slip past the highest-ranking ninja in the village, stealing an armful of classified documents, barefoot, in a dress. No big deal.

"It appears to me that _you_ are also actively working against the village, Hokage-sama." Danzo barbs, then tacks on, "Respectfully of course."

Sakura winces at the comment, knowing how Tsunade will take it. Then her eyes slide shut, reaching out with her sense to catalog everyone present. Tsunade and Danzo, right in front of the bookshelf housing the materials. Elder Homura and Elder Koharu flanking them to the right.

"Enough." Tsunade snaps, "I won't have your ridiculous accusations any longer. There is enough attention on my apprentice as it is without giving her access to the biggest stain on Konoha's history. Show me these unauthorized documents. We are confiscating them immediately."

Was that everyone?

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Kakashi's deep voice answers evenly.

Her heart stops. Kakashi is here, right beside Tsunade. His signature is almost non-existent, but now that she knows where to look she can feel it. A growl presses at her throat. She shouldn't have missed that.

Don't dwell, she needs to get out.

There's not even a whisper of sound as she moves, sliding along the bookshelf and away from the council elders. It's much easier in the light, but so much more exposed. The thick bookshelves cover her well enough it seemed and for whatever reason, the ANBU up front hadn't alerted them to her presence. She'd find out soon enough why.

As fast as she can manage, she's ghosting up the stairs, away from the angry voices below. They left the door ajar in their hurry. Yes.

She squeezes through, careful not to bump the hinges into a groan.

She jumps at the ANBU stationed at attention beside the door. He doesn't move an inch.

His mind is open, and she can feel her jutsu still in place. A laugh almost falls from her mouth. He'd pretended to be unharmed to save face, avoid punishment.

She slides past him, careful not to alert him to her presence.

She did it. She's free. Pride swells in her chest, face breaking into a smile and she darts away.

Another breeze floats through. It smells like iron, blood. She freezes, turning back to the ANBU who is still leaning against the wall, but struggling, no doubt smelling her perfume again on the air.

Blood is starting to bloom through his thick grey vest now. She looks closer and can barely see the glint of senbon holding him in place. He wasn't saving face. Someone had nailed him to the wall.

Her blood runs cold.

Instinct has her ducking before she knows why.

Senbon whistle above her, landing in the Anbu's neck. He can't cry out, but a gurgling sound bubbles up from his throat, red drippling down his neck, his chest and the edges of his mask.

Sakura spins toward the attacker but has to dive to avoid more senbon whistling toward her. She's on her feet again, clutching the charts to her chest. They made it so much harder to move. Still, she can't leave them behind.

A man approaches from the shadows and even in the dark, she'd recognize that mousey-brown hair and plain face anywhere. It's Kenta.

And Kakashi is deep inside the mountain, no longer watching her back.

"There's my ticket out of this mess," Kenta says with a sneer.

"The Hokage is just inside," Sakura warns, "All I have to do is scream and they'll come,"

"We both know its too far down to hear you," Kenta says, unphased, "Even if they did, would you really want them to see you trying to steal classified documents? Don't think even Hatake could help you get out of that one."

He was right. She couldn't get caught, but she didn't want to fight Kenta alone.

He twirls a kunai in one hand and Sakura wishes she had one as well. Or even just a free hand.

"I'd ask you to come willingly, but I'm quite sure that would be futile." He says. Then the kunai is hurtling toward her. She ducks again, but he's expecting her too. Senbon scatter toward her legs and she springs back out of their reach.

Her eyes seek his, desperate to infiltrate his mind, but they stay glued to her neck.

"I saw what you did to that ANBU agent. Your genjutsu is pretty impressive, but I'm not foolish enough to let you catch me." He explains.

He darts forward, more senbon between his fingers and she dips and weaves to avoid them all.

This was her expertise: defense and evasion. It wouldn't win her this fight though.

Think. What did she know about this chunin? Nothing. Regret fills her. She should have pulled his file from the records room this morning and studied him but instead she'd been painting her damn toenails.

A senbon clips her shoulder and she hisses.

Think. Think of a strategy. She had two options for offense really. Genjutsu or enhanced strength. She couldn't meet his eyes for the first and she couldn't exactly go all out on top of her village monument with the Hokage and elders inside.

Kenta darts around her, corralling her, she realizes. He's pressing her back to the cliff's edge. She peeks over, out over the village below.

She couldn't go all out here, but if she fled to somewhere she could, he would follow. Another glance over the edge has her mind racing, cataloging the open, unpopulated areas closest to farthest: Nara forest, Konoha Park, Training Ground A, E and F.

Like hell she's going to destroy her forest, but how is she supposed to make it all the way across the village to the training grounds.

Kenta lunges and she's run out of time.

She steps off the monument.

Her stomach lurches as her body falls and she clutches her charts closer to her chest. Then she twists until her feet slide against the rocky cliffside down the Second's forehead.

Chakra finally grips and she slides to a stop.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Kenta yells, sprinting down the cliff toward her.

Good question. She pivots and starts to the west. She'd cut back through the empty academy, around the hot springs to the park. If she's far enough ahead, she can continue to the training ground otherwise -

"Ah!" She cries out as pain shoots up her leg, senbon striking her in the calf. Her chakra falters, feet coming away from the monument. "No!"

She's falling again, twisting around with her one free hand flailing for purchase. The First Hokage's nose just out beneath her and she slams a chakra gloved hand into its surface. Her skin of her palm shreds as she slides to a stop and her momentum almost rips her shoulder from its socket. The files in her arms almost slip away, but she clings tight to them.

"You shouldn't have run, Haruno!" Kenta yells and her head darts to him, speeding along toward her, handful of senbon to throw.

Sakura swings her body until her feet connect again with the cliffside. Then she's running again, faster.

She weaves, evading each strike before it comes.

Kenta curses behind her. A good sign.

Just as she hits sweet horizontal ground again, Kenta's body slams against hers and they're skidding across the earth. The files fly from her grasp, tumbling away, but remaining bound. He'd leaped the last story, tackling her to the ground in the process.

Her breath is knocked from her and she's gasping for air as his hand fists in her hair. He yanks, sharp pain prickling her scalp. Her hands go to his, trying to relieve it, but she can't. He pulls her up and drags her toward one of the file bundles.

"This must be good info if you're so desperate to keep it. Bet it will sell for a ton," Kenta muses. He scoops it off the ground. Sakura sees its blue rubber band from the corner of her eye.

Finally, air fills her lungs again and her feet are under her. She throws an elbow into his gut and Kenta lets out a surprised gasp releasing her hair. Then she round house kicks him with all she's got into the monument cliffside.

Too much.

The rock dents as he collides with it and the whole monument trembles.

Dammit. They'll have felt that and be coming.

Her hands run through the handsigns automatically, she bites her thumb and presses her hands to the ground.

"Summoning Jutsu!" She cries and – poof – smoke fills the air.

When it clears, a small slug lingers. Sakura scoops up the two remaining files and slides them to the slug.

"Katsuyu-sama, please take these into your care," Sakura says formally.

"Yes, Sakura-san," Katsuyu says and then Sakura breaks the summon and she's gone, files safe.

She drops to a knee. That took so much chakra to do, but it was worth it. 25% remaining and that was generous.

"You bitch!" Kenta cries crawling out from the rubble. "You'll pay for that."

His hands are flying through handsigns now and she's not going to stay to see what they're for.

She sprints west again, darting past the academy. A high-pitched tone slices through the air and Sakura cries out, clutching her ears.

She falls again to her knees. Its his jutsu. Wave after wave of sound is vibrating into her brain and she feels like her head is being split open. She can feel her brain pulsate, swell.

Something hot and wet is leaking through her fingers against her ears.

It finally stops or she's gone deaf. Sakura falls face first into the dirt and its like she's underwater. All she can hear is her lungs expanding and the rapid thumping of her heart. Then a ringing in her ears breaks through, loud enough that her brain is again pulsing against her skull.

His sandals come into view. So careless she thinks, because even if she's deaf, chakra low and face down, he should never come so close to her.

He's smirking down at her and she can't help but return it.

Because she hasn't given up.

Her hand darts to his ankle and _squeezes._

It cracks under her grip and his face morphs into pain. She can hear it, just underneath the ringing that's taken over her world.

His feet are pulled from under him, and she lunges over top. Her fist cracks against his face again and again.

It's all his fault. Watching her, selling her information off, bringing her work to the attention of these faceless, evil threats.

She wanted him to suffer.

His lip cracks and blood dribbles down his chin. The moment she stops to notice, his head jolts up to crack against hers. Her vision flashes white, pain bursting behind her eyes.

When her vision clears, she sees his hands finishing a string of signs, lethal glint in his eye.

Something slithers up her waist.

No!

She jumps up, pulling at it the brown and tan striped snake wrapping itself around her.

It comes away, but as soon as its free, its face strikes at hers sinking its fangs deep in her neck.

The pain is immediate.

Her blood is on fire, spreading through her with each furious pump of her heart. The snake is gone, disappeared or escaped. Her hand clamps on the bite, chakra coming to her aid, but she knows it won't be enough.

That was a Common krait, prevalent in the grass country – the sound village. She needs the anti-venom because each second that neurotoxin spreads it paralyzed more and more of her body. Damage that could be irreversible until she could extract it from each muscle fiber. With chakra she might not have enough of.

Five minutes and she'd suffocate, 8-10 and her heart would stop.

She falls to the ground, legs giving out and her panicked eyes meet his. His is mouth moving and the words are a jumble in through the deafening ring in her ears. Chakra is there, foolishly repairing to her eardrums the damage to restore some desperate need to take some control of her body back.

He pulls a syringe from his pack and hovers over her. Don't come near me with that, she thinks but can't get out the words. Her jaw is clenched shut, pain shooting through her neck up her face and down into her chest. The muscles in her arms clench tighter and tighter until they convulse with the effort.

"This will fix you right up," he coos bringing the needle to her neck. No. She knows it in her gut that whatever is in that needle will end her.

But her body won't move. She's trapped as wave after wave of pain courses through her in time with her heart. No.

The needle presses against her neck now and she can't stop it. Her ears ring again, from pain or panic she doesn't know, but its higher, crackling, singing. Like birds, she thinks.

But its not birds.

As a lightning covered hand bursts through Kenta's chest, she realizes it's a Chidori.

Kenta lists to the side, flight fading from his eyes and Kakashi is standing over her.

The weight on top of her disappears, and Kakashi is kneeling beside her, face cooling from furry to worry.

He's here. He saved her. Something inside her breaks and tears fall from her cheeks. She safe.

"Sakura, what happened?" he asks, hands hovering over her, not sure how to help. Ninken bark in the distance.

She lets out a ragged sob, and another wave of spasms wracks through her. Her hand clamps harder down on the wound at her neck, eyes squeezing shut.

Kakashi pulls her hand away and curses. Puncture wounds mar her neck, purple veins of venom splintering out.

"Tell me what to do," he begs.

"Anti-venom," she rasps. She needs to get to her lab, and she can get it from there.

"Where?" He asks, hands coming under her legs and her back. She's lifted into the air like she weighs nothing.

"Hospital," She answers through a moan of pain, "Second floor – lab – east side."

Then another convulsion shatters through her and she can't say more.

Kakashi nods, but his eyes are too wide. He's scared.

He sprints toward the hospital, taking to the rooftops and she rocks against him with each leap. Wind whips through her hair, cuts into her eyes, but its so far away. All she can feel is this raging, burning venom leaking into her every fiber. Her head pounds with it.

The hospital comes into view and he slides in through one of the windows.

"Where now?" he asks, starting down a random direction.

"2439" she grinds out the room number.

Her chest is getting tight, muscles seizing, and her breath shallows, unable to expand her ribcage enough to take in a full one.

He finds it, and he bursts into the door. Its her personal lab, so it's empty. He gingerly places her feet on the ground. She sways but can still move her legs. Still Kakashi supports her weight with a hold on her forearms.

She stumbles to a glass cabinet in the corner with glass bottles of various antidotes and anti-venoms. Her hands tremble as she digs through them, knocking them over. They roll off the shelves and Kakashi darts to catch each one before they crash to the ground.

There, she finds the one she's looking for and opens the drawer below to pull out a syringe and tourniquet. Only years of practice allow her to successfully wrap the tourniquet around her arm, pulling it tight with her teeth. The syringe and glass bottle on the other hand shake uncontrollably in her arms as another convulsion contracts her muscles tight again.

"Ah!" She cries as she curls in on herself, shaking. The bottle falls from her hands, but Kakashi catches it before it shatters.

He pulls the needle from her hands too.

"How much?" his voice is hard, the one he saves for the battlefield. She can't look at him. Her control is slipping away.

"All," she hisses thorough clenched teeth.

"Muscle or vein?" He asks again, but she can't answer. Only a shaky sob falls from her mouth as her muscles unclench back to random spasms.

"Hope this is right," he murmurs, stretching her arm out on a lab bench and bracing it from jerking as best he can. He fills the needle full of the anti-venom and press down a vein in her arm with his fingers. The tip cuts into her, a press of the plunger and she can feel it's cold liquid forced into her veins. Kakashi slides the needle back out and tosses it on the table.

Yes. She can feel it pump through her body with each heartbeat and her convulsions lessen. Now it's a race against time. Will it circulate to her lungs and her heart before they seize? She can't take the chance. She needs to extract it, like she had with Kankuro.

He grabs her face, forcing it to his.

"What else?" he says, voice deadly calm and eyes emotionless. Her gaze swims, seeing but unseeing. The pain is fogging everything over, bringing her eyes in and out of focus.

"Water," she says and feels her chest constrict further. She needs water and a tub for extracting the venom. "Tub."

He nods, and then she lurches under a transportation jutsu.

She's on a tile floor, back against a wall. They are in a bathroom, not hers. Kakashi is bent over a bathtub, turning the knobs and water gushes out the faucet. Not exactly what she meant but it will work.

The pain is spreading down her chest, burning deep inside of her and her breaths are coming even more shallow.

"Hurry," she moans, because she can hardly even take in a mouthful of air now. Her head is dizzy from oxygen deprivation.

He's silent as he moves, fully in shinobi mode. Then she's in the air again, no in his arms, and with a splash in the tub.

The water is frigid but feels amazing against the burning in her body and the sweat beading on her skin. She needed skin, all skin. She couldn't waste a drop of chakra pressing it through the threads of her clothes.

She tugs at the neck of her dress, trying to tear it apart, but it won't go under her weak grip. Her arms are like jelly, muscles spent after being contracted over and over.

"Off," she gasps. A moment later, he's removing her hands and a kunai slices down through the fabric of her dress and the bindings underneath.

Hurry. She has to hurry. Black is circling at the edges of her vision, pulsing inward with each thin gasp of air that isn't enough.

Heart. Lungs. Gut. Then arms if she had chakra left.

She pools chakra in her hand, gathering up the water with in and brings it to the skin of her chest. No anesthetic. This will hurt.

She presses it in, and her chest feels even tighter, full and bursting with the force of something _other_ being shoved into her cells.

Her breathing stops.

All her attention has drawn inward, guiding the chakra water to the burning venom squeezing the muscle of her heart. Press it further, until it fills every part of her heart and then –

It skips a beat, flutters in her chest and her mouth falls open to cry out but she can't. There's no air in her lungs to do it.

"Sakura," Kakashi's voice cuts through it all. It's a command. Get it together. Don't fall apart.

She pulls and pulls until –

She gasps at the emptiness in her chest as all of the water is out again, black in her hands. Her breath is faster, but she freezes.

For a second she just stares at the inky black swirling in her palms, iridescent green at the edges like oil in the sun. It's a new sight and she's trying to memorize it.

Kakashi's hands are on hers, turning them over until it all pours out.

"Don't stop," he orders again, plunging them back into the water. Blood swirls from his hand into the water, Kenta's blood from his Chidori, mixing with the inky black. Her wide eyes meet his unyielding ones, every bit the Jonin commander.

She gives a shaky nod, even as his face is fading before her. Chakra draws into her palms again and as soon as they glow green, Kakashi is guiding them back to her chest, strong calloused fingers brushing her skin.

In. Pressing it in is worse the second time. Her flesh is swollen, angry and ragged from the first intrusion. It scorches her insides. She resists against the pain, pressing out against Kakashi's hands, but they are firm.

Her chest seizes, venom fully infiltrating her lungs. She can't breathe, paralyzed.

Kakashi can feel it. The stillness under his hands and shoves, forcing her chakra into her chest. She jolts backward at the intrusion, mouth falling open, but no scream comes out. She needed air for that.

Focus. Focus.

She slides her eyes closed, looking in, pressing the chakra through her lungs until she's got all of that inky black venom gathered into her grasp and –

Kakashi yanks her hands away, ripping the venom from the cells of her chest, through her skin and spattering down into the water.

The gasp in is reflexive, like a baby's first breath. The negative pressure has air drawing into her lungs. The exhale is just as violent, a strangled, wet cry.

But she can breathe again and the ugly sounds of it bounce across the tiled room.

He's shoving her hands back into the water again.

"No," she begs, able to speak again. "I can't. I can't."

She's done. It hurts too much. Her body is completely spent and she can't even lift her arms. His Sharingan is spinning at her, taking in her chakra levels. Its so low, but she has enough for one more.

"You can and you will," he orders, palms shifting over the back of her hands to thread his fingers through hers. He's still wearing gloves and they are soaked fabric chafes against her the broken skin of her knuckles.

Her lips tremble, but she does as he says, pooling chakra in her hands one more time. He can see it with his Sharingan and know just when to press it into her. This time, she guides down to her cramping stomach. There's not as much there, but it could still rot her insides if left.

The intrusion is slower this time, thankfully. Her abs flex under the discomfort but a few moments later, he's pulling her hands away again and its done. Its over.

All the tension leaves her body. Its over.

She slides down the tub. Kakashi is there again, hooking hands under her arms and tugging her upright so she doesn't slide beneath the water. Her arms flop to the side useless and her head rolls. Not a single muscle in her body will work, too spent.

Her eyes flutter open. Finally, Kakashi's face breaks, that mask of the battle worn commander cracking away to the terrified man underneath.

A trembling breath rattles through him and he drags her to him in a crushing hug. His hand supports her head, his face presses into her neck, breathing her in.

"You're okay," he murmurs into her skin. To himself, to her. She doesn't know. "You're okay. You're okay."

Her head is floating down, dizzy and teetering on unconsciousness. She's safe now.

"Kashi," she murmurs, his full name catching in her dry throat. He moves to press his forehead against hers.

"I almost lost you," he gasps, hand tightening in her hair.

"I'm okay," she slurs, reassuring him this time.

He huffs close to a laugh.

Sleep is so close now. Wrapping her up in warm, dark nothing.

"Sakura," Kakashi breathes out again and she feels his lips on her cheek, no mask between them. Even to see his face finally, she can't muster the will to open her eyes.

The last sensations she feels before slipping away are of his lips ghosting across her face. Her cheek, her forehead, her nose and finally pressing warm against her own.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dying to know - who do you guys like more in this story? Shikasaku or Kakasaku? Let me know in a comment! :D


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